His and Hers
by Blue Topaz
Summary: Sam and Jack are forced to write a journal together. The last part is the collection of bloopers submitted by the readers, thanks so much guys.
1. His 2IC and Her CO

**His 2IC and Her CO**

by Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**Disclaimers: Stargate SG-1 is not mine. **

**AN: This is the first instalment of the series 'His and Hers'. The basic premise is that Sam and Jack are force to write a journal together. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to Rosemary for beta-reading this and being such a friend. **

*******

**_Monday, 7 July 2003_**

**10.01: Jack O'Neill**

Hammond has finally gone nuts. Bonzo. Out of his mind. Crazy. 

I wonder if the Doc could find a cure for it. Because I need it. Fast.

I'm a Colonel for crying out loud. My job is to save the planet, be the hero, rescue the damsel in distress, and not be some sort of lab rat for a psychiatrist to play with. Find some other man to do it. Why did Hammond choose me? Pick Ferretti, pick Coburn, pick anyone else but ME!

Hammond won't read this, right? 

**10.04: Sam Carter**

Sir, General Hammond took your name out of the hat. It's not insanity; it's your bad luck. 

And yes, Colonel, the General won't read this. It's the patient-doctor confidentiality privilege. 

**10.05: Jack O'Neill**

How come it's MY bad luck and not yours? And watch your answer, Major, I'm still the one who writes your annual review. 

**10.05: Sam Carter**

Because, oh almighty Colonel, it was the CO's names that they put inside the hat, not their 2ICs. Besides, how hard could this be? We have complete control over what we write. 

**10.06: Jack O'Neill**

'Oh almighty Colonel'? You do realise that sucking up won't get you anywhere, right? On second thought, go see Fraiser, have your head checked. You don't sound like the Carter I know. 

Fine, fine. I'll do this, just don't expect me to write something deep and meaningful, deal?

**10.07: Sam Carter**

I was being sarcastic, Sir. 

And don't worry Sir; I know how deep and meaningful you can be. 

**10.07: Jack O'Neill**

Was that an insult, Carter?

**10.08: Sam Carter**

No, Sir. I was just practising.

**10.09: Jack O'Neill**

Practising for what? 

**10.09: Sam Carter**

I plead the fifth on this one. 

**10.10: Jack O'Neill**

Carter! I'm ordering you. 

**10.10: Sam Carter**

I have no obligation to follow your order Sir. Not in this journal. Haven't you read the guidelines? If you haven't, please turn to page 12, article 3.6.2.

***

**12.34: Sam Carter**

Judging by your reply (or the lack thereof), the guidelines were in the blue book that the General gave us this morning. The one that you slipped inside the folder with my report of P54 TXY's mineral survey. 

**12.34: Jack O'Neill**

Hey! I know that!

**12.35: Sam Carter**

I'm sure you do, Sir. 

**12.36: Jack O'Neill**

Who needs the stupid manual anyway? Look at the time; wanna join me for lunch, Carter? I heard the chef has a new recipe for chicken pasta. 

**12.37: Sam Carter**

I'll see you in the mess hall in 15 minutes. Save me a seat. And blue Jell-O.

***

**13.00: The Psychiatrist**

What was your first impression of each other? And how did that impression change throughout the years as you two got to know each other better?

*******

**13.39: Jack O'Neill**

'The Psychiatrist'? Honestly. Could you come out with something better than that? I know that you wanted to stay anonymous, for your own good; I mean I could think of several scenarios of what I would do to you once I get my hands on you. But come on! 'The Psychiatrist'? Can't you come out with something better than that? Like 'The Shrink' or 'The Head Examiner' or 'The Mind Reader' or 'The Guy Who Had Nothing Better To Do Than Ordering People To Talk About Something That Completely Useless'? 

Carter? Could you think of something else? I've run out of ideas here.

**13.40: Sam Carter**

Shouldn't we be concentrating on what 'The Psychiatrist' told us to do, Sir? Instead of renaming him/HER?

**13.40: Jack O'Neill**

Spoilsport. 

Fine, give me an hour or so, I'll think of something nice to say about you.

**13.41: Sam Carter**

Gee, Sir. You have to think about something nice about me? For AN hour? I'm touched. Really.

**13.41: Jack O'Neill**

You're enjoying this, aren't you? You're enjoying my misery, aren't you?

**13.42: Sam Carter**

For the sake of my career and our friendship, this is me pleading the fifth again. 

An hour it is then, I'll post mine in about 4 hours, I have an experiment to run.

**13.42: Jack O'Neill**

Tell me. Why haven't I re-assigned you to another team? It could've saved me a lot of grey hair.

**13.42: Sam Carter**

But then you wouldn't have this much fun. 

**13.43: Jack O'Neill**

Don't you mean, YOU wouldn't have this much fun?

**13.43: Sam Carter**

That too. 

Sir, I really need to get the experiment going. I'll talk to you later.

**13.43: Jack O'Neill**

Carter is evil. 

That pretty much sums up everything. My work in here is done. 

**13.44: Sam Carter**

I took that as a compliment. I look forward to reading about the nice things you wrote about me that you had promised earlier. Don't forget that you still have to put the First Impression.

**13.50: Jack O'Neill**

First Impression: Carter is Evil

Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, until The Last Impression: Carter is still evil

Conclusion: She is as evil now as she was when I first saw her. 

***

**18.02: Sam Carter**

Is that how you want to play the game, Sir? OK then. 

First Impression: The Colonel is incorrigible 

Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, until The Last Impression: He is still incorrigible.

Conclusion: He is as incorrigible now as he was when I first saw him. 

**18.05: Jack O'Neill**

Why, Carter. I never thought that you paid attention. 

**18.08: Sam Carter**

Of course I do. But Sir, we are supposed to take this assignment seriously. Anyway, I thought hard about it and this is what I came out with. 

My first Impression of Colonel O'Neill was that he was a man who sees things as it is. In black and white. Good is good and evil is evil, and that there's nothing in between. He hates not being in control, and he hates it even more when people tell him what to do. But he likes challenges and is very loyal to his friends. He also has a very strange sense of humour. 

But then as I got to know him better, I realised that he does recognise that grey area. In fact he was the 'in-between' kind of man. He can be the hero and yet he can easily be the villain too. It depends on the situation. He makes decisions based on his principles and he makes choices w others don't even have the courage to consider. He has the ability to bring out the best in the people under his command. He doesn't mind being the bad guy as long as his team is safe. 

He's a very private sort of person. There are things that he doesn't want to share with the rest of the world and carries the burden alone. Trust is the most important thing to him. He loves clichés so badly; he pretends that he hates them. 

And his sense of humour is not so strange after all. 

**18.12: Jack O'Neill**

Don't give away all my secrets, Carter. 

Oh well, I did promise to say something nice about you. So, here it is.

My first impression on Carter was that she was a smart-ass. Well, she's smart and she knows it all too well. So, she uses it to her advantage. She's strong and very confident. Long story short, she's a brat. 

But there are things in the last 7 years that changed her. Cassie and Jolinar are two of the few major ones. She's still smart (thanks God for that), still confident, still strong and still uses it to her advantage (because that's what a smart girl does). However, she has opened herself up a little, loosened up a bit, and learned how to disobey a direct order (I was so damn proud of her; we did save the planet because of it). She has learned to question my decisions (not always a bad thing), make fun of me in her annoyingly polite way (so that I couldn't bring her up on insubordination charges) and the most important thing is that she stayed true to herself. If someone (including me) does something that upsets her, she'll let them know. If someone does something right, she'll give them the credit that they deserved.

She's a friend. A damn good one as well.

And it's a bonus that her sense of humour is as twisted as mine. 

There, serious enough for you?

**18.13: Sam Carter**

It is. Thank you, Sir.

For the record, I was never a brat. 

And my sense of humour is not twisted. It was just slightly adjusted to match yours. 

**18.13: Jack O'Neill**

Deny it all you like. It was still my impression of you. Mine alone.

Say, what do you call this tiny and fancy notebook. 

**18.14: Sam Carter**

It's called Palm, Sir. Ours were installed with some new software, they are connected to one another. That's how the journal works, like some sort of chat room, but only certain people can access them. There's an organizer in it as well. Want me to teach you how to use it?

**18.14: Jack O'Neill**

Nah, I don't need organizers, thanks anyway. But you could help me with something else. 

**18.14: Sam Carter**

What is it?

**18.15: Jack O'Neill**

Ferretti came to my office around 1500 hours. He told me something interesting. Something to do with a certain blonde Major and this 'waste of time' joined journal. Something you want to say to me, oh certain blonde Major?

**18.15: Sam Carter**

Whoops...? 

So you heard? Oh well, I guess you'll find out about it sooner or later. 

I was hoping for the 'later' though.

**18.15: Jack O'Neill**

Care to elaborate on your actions, Carter? Because no one in their right mind would do what you did. Seriously. Are you on some sort of medication? 

**18.16: Sam Carter**

Can I pass the offer?

And no, I'm not on medication. 

**18.16: Jack O'Neill**

No, you cannot pass the offer. 

If you're not on some sort of medication, then you should be. 

WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DO THAT FOR? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

**18.17: Sam Carter**

To make you uncomfortable? 

And I wasn't thinking. 

Gotta go, Sir. I have a meeting in a few minutes. 

**18.17: Jack O'Neill**

Why you little ...

What's going on here? Tell me! You're hiding something from me. 

**18.18: Sam Carter**

I really have a meeting to go to, Sir. 

And so do you. 

**18.18: Jack O'Neill**

What are you talking about, Carter? I don't have a meeting. 

**18.19: Sam Carter**

Yes, you do. At 18.30, with the accounting department, about the equipment that I requested for our next mission. It's a bit expensive, so you need to talk to them about it as the SG-1 leader. 

**18.19: Jack O'Neill**

How come I never heard about this meeting?

**18.20: Sam Carter**

I sent you a memo about it two days ago.

**18.20: Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you know me with memos. We never got along. 

**18.21: Sam Carter**

I know.

Gotta go. Good luck with the meeting, Sir. The accounting department will send someone to your office about this. They also know that you're a hopeless case with memos. 

Bye.

**18.21: Jack O'Neill**

That's why those accountants kept popping out of thin air?

And what do you mean 'you know'? And I'm not hopeless with memos. We just don't get along. 

Don't you dare leave me like this!

**18.24: Jack O'Neill**

Carter?

**18.27: Jack O'Neill**

Carter? 

You there?

**18.29: Jack O'Neill**

I stand by my first assessment. 

Carter is Evil. 

***

**19.20: Jack O'Neill**

The accountant is finally gone.

I want to erase my journal entry (especially the one with my second assessment on Carter). How do you do that?

***

**19.37: Sam Carter**

Sir, I told you I was having a meeting. 

And there's no way to erase the entry. 

Actually, there is (see how honest I am with you?). But I'm the only one who knows how to. 

**19.39: Jack O'Neill**

Do you know how boring the accountant was? I was practically asleep while trying to listen to what he had to say. 

**19.40: Sam Carter**

Did we get the new equipment?

**19.40: Jack O'Neill**

I was almost bored to death and all you want to know is whether or not we got the new equipment? 

**19.41: Sam Carter**

It's my nature. Can't help it. Besides, you've survived worse. 

**19.41: Jack O'Neill**

I guess you're right. Hey, wanna come for dinner? 

**19.42: Sam Carter**

I'll see you in the mess hall in 5 minutes. 

***

**20.55: Jack O'Neill**

I just heard Ferretti walk passed my office. That reminded me of something. I'm asking you again. 

WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DO THAT FOR? 

You haven't answered it, and it better be a good one, Carter. Because you dragged me into this mess. 

***

**21.30: Jack O'Neill**

Carter ... don't ignore me. 

***

**22.19: Jack O'Neill**

You're up to no good. I just knew it. 

I'll hunt you down, Carter. 

***

**23.51: Sam Carter**

Right. 

I have a confession to make. 

You're aware that the background of this project is to test the compatibility between the CO and their 2IC, aren't you? So what happened to the SG-9 won't happen to any other team (to be honest, I wouldn't mind seeing that happening again, but that's not my call). And I do offer myself (and consequentially you) to become the 'guinea pigs' for this experiment to General Hammond. 

Don't get mad yet. I'll explain everything. 

You see. I think highly of 'us'. I figured if they said that we're not compatible with each other, then this project is completely useless. After all, we spent almost 7 years working together and still haven't had the urge to shoot one another, yet. Don't worry about the secrecy, this will go to an independent psychiatrist for analyzing after I've edited the names and locations (in case we slipped and mentioned something about the Stargate or our missions off-world). And the ones who will read the journal will be just you, me and the independent psychiatrist (he/she wouldn't even know our names). Promise. 

You know why we have to do this, right? Most of us have the tendency to hate shrinks (with good reasons, of course), but we do need to have our heads examined sometimes. Writing journals like this is easier than talking to them face to face. And it was kinda therapeutic as well. We'll have one question that will be issued at precisely 13.00 every day to keep it in focus. 

And it will be fun to see you (and me of course) trying to answer the questions.

I know you're in your house right now, Sir. So I figure if you want to kill me after reading this, at least I have one more night to live. Please let me know how many nights I have left. 

Yours,

Carter

PS: I lied about the name out the hat thing. Sorry. But you would have had my head on a platter if I had told you the truth earlier. 

**23.55: Jack O'Neill**

This is your lucky day, Carter. 

I'm not home yet. Daniel borrowed my car to run some errands. 

So ... you decided to have fun at my expense huh? And lied to me as well?

And actually admitting it? 

Brave, Carter. Very brave. But foolish. 

Run, Carter, run. If you still want to have nights to spend, I suggest you run. 

**23.56: Sam Carter**

Aye, aye, Colonel. I'm running with fear right now.

PS: I'm on the phone with Daniel right now. He's in Janet's office.

**23.56: Jack O'Neill**

Darn it. 

And tone the sarcasm down a bit Carter. 

Tell Daniel 'thank you' for being such a friend. 

**23.56: Sam Carter**

Come on, Sir. This wasn't too bad, was it? 

I mean, we could talk to each other like this, no one will know.

And why can't I be sarcastic? I can't do it outside this journal.

**23.57: Jack O'Neill**

The shrink will know.

Darn it woman. Don't play the guilt trip on me. 

Okay then, you can stay as sarcastic as you like. 

**23.57: Sam Carter**

Well, yeah. But the shrink wouldn't know who we are. 

And thank you for granting my wish. 

**23.57: Jack O'Neill**

Hey!

What makes you think that I'll play along with this journal? There's nothing in it for me. 

**23.57: Sam Carter**

Cheat code for any 10 computer games. Your pick.

**23.58: Jack O'Neill**

Interesting. And how come you never offered me this before?

**23.58: Sam Carter**

Well, I have to have something to get out of this kind of situation.

**23.58: Jack O'Neill**

I'm wasting my time. Of course you have to have something like this. 

**23.59: Sam Carter**

You're the one who taught me.

So, how many nights do I have left?

**23.59: Jack O'Neill**

You're safe. For now.

Alright, I'm going to bed. 

Night Carter, and drive safely.

On second thought, don't drive. Stay in the SGC, but don't pull the all-nighter. Sleep like normal people do. Say that to Daniel as well. 

**23.59: Sam Carter**

Yes Dad. 

**23.59: Jack O'Neill**

That's 'Colonel' to you, not 'Dad'.

Don't forget to watch your back tomorrow. You might be safe, but you're not that safe.

**23.59: Sam Carter**

Thanks for the warning. And thanks for agreeing to this.

See you tomorrow.

And good night to you too.

***

That's it for now. What do you think so far? The next one will be '**His Archaeologist, Her CMO, and Their **Jaffa******'. There will be more S/J goodness in the next one. Feedback and review are greatly appreciated. **


	2. His Archeologist, Her CMO and Their Jaff...

**His Archaeologist, Her CMO and Their ****Jaffa******

by Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**AN: Oh wow. I was overwhelmed by the amount of reviews that I have received for this fic. I'm glad that you guys like it. I always try to write something that a little bit different from your normal fic (whether it was the idea or the way I wrote it). It might look strange at first, but hopefully it gets better. Thanks you for everybody who had let me know how they enjoy the fic, my muse loves you all :o). And once again thanks for Rosemary who beta-read this part. And also to Aud for all her help with my next week trip to ****Scotland****.**

*******

**_Tuesday, 8 July 2003_******

**05.30 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, have you woken up yet? And you better be in the SGC, Major. 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Yes, I have woken up. And yes, I stayed at the SGC last night. 

And contrary to popular belief, I **do sleep at night. **

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Could've fooled me. Anyway, want something from the outside world for breakfast?

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Blueberry muffin from your regular coffee shop would be great. Thanks for offering, Sir. 

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Part of the service. See you in the mess hall at 07.30.

**05.33 : Sam Carter**

See you there. 

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

By the way, have you heard anything from the Doc about Major Ewan and Captain Perry? Those two troublemakers from SG-9 who gave us this headache? 

**05.33 : Sam Carter**

Janet said they were OK, Sir. Just need a bit of rest. 

Are you going to give them a piece of your mind?

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Nope. Hammond is more than capable of doing that. But I won't mind channelling some of my frustration on them 

**05.34 : Sam Carter**

Don't you think that they suffered enough, Sir? Surely they have learned their lesson. 

**05.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you think so? I mean, those two should have known better. They shouldn't have let their personal feelings affect their work. 

What's wrong with the two of them anyway? 

**05.34 : Sam Carter**

Sir, have you seen anything more humiliating than when they gated home from P3X 599? The demand for a copy of the security tape of that particular incident is high.

I heard that both Major Ewan and Captain Perry liked the same girl. And I'm sure you know the rest of the story. 

**05.34 : Jack O'Neill**

They were fighting over a girl? 

Their unprofessional behaviour is appalling. They were lucky the planet that they were visiting was a peaceful one. 

**05.34 : Sam Carter**

I'm sure General Hammond will reprimand them, Sir. 

**05.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh well, I guess you're right. I'll see you on the base then. I'm going to take a shower now.

**05.35 : Sam Carter**

I'm going to take one as well. See you in the mess hall, Sir.

***

**11.54 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm bored. 

What are you doing now?

**11.55 : Sam Carter**

I'm performing an experiment to determine the decay rate of the new mineral that SG-7 found on P98 766. 

Wanna help me?

**11.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm bored. Not suicidal. 

**11.56 : Sam Carter**

Sir, it's only an experiment. Not a dangerous mission. 

And I'm not going to bite. Neither will my equipment. 

**11.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Forget about it.

Hey, why does the question come out at 13.00? Why not earlier?

**11.56 : Sam Carter**

Because we've had our lunch by then. It's always a good thing to do this with your stomach full. So that no one get cranky. 

**11.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh well, I guess I'll leave you alone to do those experiments. 

Meet me for lunch?

**11.57 : Sam Carter**

Sure.

**11.57 : Jack O'Neill**

12.30. Don't be late. I'll save you a blue Jell-O if I arrive sooner than that.

**11.57 : Sam Carter**

Thanks, Colonel. I'll see you there. 

***

**13.00: The Psychiatrist**

Who is your best friend? How would you describe him/her? Discuss it with each other. 

***

**13.45 : Jack O'Neill**

I call dibs on Daniel

**13.46 : Sam Carter**

Competitive bunch, aren't we? 

That's OK, because I wasn't about to do Daniel anyway. Mine is Janet.

**13.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Sure you want to take the Doc? If you're that desperate, I'm willing to fight you over Daniel. Say what? Let's flip a coin. 

**13.46 : Sam Carter**

SIR! That's just mean. Janet is not that bad.

Did you just have your physical examination this morning?

**13.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, I did. Carter, put yourself in my position, give her a needle and lock us in a room for a day. I dare you to say that again after that.

I bet the Doc has some kind of personal vendetta against me. She's always nice to the others. 

**13.47 : Sam Carter**

Okay, maybe you have a point there. Janet can be quite scary when she has her needle with her. And she doesn't have anything against you, Sir. However, your lack of cooperation when you are in her care might affect her judgment of you. 

But no matter what, she's still my best friend.

**13.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Better friend than Daniel?

**13.47 : Sam Carter**

There are more secrets that I share with Janet than with Daniel.

**13.47 : Jack O'Neill**

That's only because Janet's a woman. 

**13.48 : Sam Carter**

Yes, because she's woman. Happy now?

Why are we arguing this? I thought you wanted Daniel for yourself.

**13.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, I'm happy.

And I'm doing this because it's fun. 

**13.48 : Sam Carter**

Is this a payback?

**13.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Theoretically speaking, what if it is?

**13.49 : Sam Carter**

Well, theoretically speaking, Sir. If it **is a payback then you're not doing a good job of it.**

**13.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Oy.

**13.49 : Sam Carter**

Gotta go. I'll write mine after the 14.30 briefing.

**13.49 : Jack O'Neill**

OK. 

***

**14.36 : Jack O'Neill**

Daniel is a scientist, he (used to) sneeze a lot, he's a geek.

That's my best friend for you. 

***

**16.41 : Sam Carter**

Sir, please. 

No one will believe that that's all you can say about your best friend. 

And I know you only wrote that to wind me up. Guess what? It didn't work. Nice try though. Try harder next time.

**16.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Gee, Carter. I never knew that you thought so little of me. 

Of course that's not all I can say about him. It's just the preview.

OK, so Daniel, what can I say about him?

Well, he's a geek. Much more geek-er than Carter. He wears glasses and is allergic to just about anything. Although I think that all the medication that the Doc has pumped into his blood seems to have a permanent effect lately. 

He's gentle. But he can be rough too. Life is not being kind to him. But life has also taught him important lessons and lets just face it, Daniel is a model student, much like Carter. If there's one person that means a lot to him more than anyone else, it had to be Sha're, his wife. And even though she's gone, his feelings for her haven't changed. Not a bit. And that my friend, is what I call true love. 

Daniel is not only my friend, but he's also my team member. He has this penchant for disobeying my orders, albeit only for reasons that are very profound. He's my conscience I suppose. He can be so annoying sometimes, when he rattles on about the latest translation or describing an ancient history. He's boring that way. He has a big heart. He can see the goodness in people no matter how evil they are. 

He's an orphan, his parents passed away when he was just a little boy. He has a grandfather, but their relationship was not always great. To be honest, I'm not totally comfortable speaking about his family in great detail. One things for sure though, I trust him. He has saved my life several times and he helped me face my demons. 

Daniel also has these puppy-dog eyes (this information is generously divulged by the nurses in the infirmary, his second most visited place in the SGC, right after his own lab). The effect is quite universal, on and off-world women seem to be susceptible to this. Not always a bad thing, I must say, we could use it to our advantage. 

Okay, that's it. 

See Carter ....

PS: I'll hunt you down if Daniel or anyone for that matter ever hears of this. 

**16.46 : Sam Carter**

Are you sure about the puppy-dog eyes? It's more like doe-eyes to me. 

And don't worry about anyone hearing this. Daniel could always read though. He's very good at that. 

**16.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't tell me that you are one of Daniel's worshipers as well. 

And don't toy with me. I'm serious. It could damage my reputation.

Your turn. Go talk about the Napoleon power-monger. 

**16.48 : Sam Carter**

Don't you think that you're being too harsh on Janet, Sir? 

She's a nice person. 

Janet is our Chief Medical Officer. She is responsible for the health of all the SGC's personnel. Even though she's small, she has that presence within her. A Marine twice her size would flinch under her scrutiny. I guess that came in a package with her job; she has to be able to control her patients. And like the Colonel said, armed with a needle, she can be very scary. At least to those who constantly disobey her orders. 

Janet had a husband, who was a jerk. Otherwise, Janet would never have divorced him. I never met him, but I don't think I would have wanted to. It's her past, and she does not dwell on it, so I won't pry. She is also a mother. A very good one as well. She loves her daughter, Cassie, even though she's not really hers, not biologically, anyway. But I saw with my own eyes to what extent she is willing to go for Cassie. I'm glad that because of her, Cassie can live a normal life. One that I could not give her.

I guess being one of the few women on the base helps make us a better friend. We understand what it feels like living in a man's world. I love Janet dearly, like a sister. I trust her with my deepest secrets and my life. 

And I think she has a thing going for Daniel. 

**16.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, wow. I can actually see the Doc in a new light. 

Daniel and the Doc, huh? I didn't know that you liked to gossip, Carter. 

**16.49 : Sam Carter**

I'm not gossiping. Merely sharing my observation.

**16.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Whatever you say. Major.

Hey, how do we discuss them? 

You know what? I kinda feel guilty talking about this.

**16.49 : Sam Carter**

I'm not sure how to. I mean, I agree with most of the stuff that you said about Daniel. I know him quite well too. And I'm sure it applies to Janet as well. 

And Sir, technically, we're not talking. 

And since when did you develop a sense of guilt when it concerns Daniel? 

**16.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Smart-ass. 

I'm feeling guilty because it's not fair to Teal'c. 

**16.50 : Sam Carter**

I beg your pardon?

**16.50 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm talking about Daniel here, but what about T? 

**16.50 : Sam Carter**

You want to talk about Teal'c as well, Sir? Be my guest. I don't see anything wrong with that.  

**16.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, it's only fair, isn't it? 

Lets do this together? You and me.

**16.50 : Sam Carter**

How do you propose to do that?

**16.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Meet me in my office. We compare notes. 

**16.51 : Sam Carter**

Now?

**16.51 : Jack O'Neill**

No, Carter. Next year.

Of course now, for crying out loud.

**16.51 : Sam Carter**

Give me ten minutes.

**16.51 : Jack O'Neill**

See you in my office. Don't forget to bring any pie if you happen to go by the mess hall. 

**16.51 : Sam Carter**

Got it.

***

**17.23 : Jack O'Neill**

This is a combined observation on our (Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter) other best friend. We don't think that it was fair to leave him out of this. 

His name is Teal'c. He has a strange name because he's not from around here. He is loyal and courageous. A warrior through and through. He doesn't say a lot, but when he does, it's something that should not go unnoticed. He's a man of his word.  The kind of man that you want to watch your back in the battle. 

Teal'c is the only one in our team who has a son. His name is Rya'c. He's a good boy, and it seems that he's going to follow his father's footsteps. Teal'c's wife has just passed away. Personally we (well, mostly Colonel O'Neill) think that he didn't love her anymore, but she is still the mother of his child. She did something unforgivable to him, but it was only because a mother should did what a mother had to do. Teal'c was furious, but then he forgave her. Because he is Teal'c. Although facts had shown that he could held a grudge for a long time (something that we dubbed 'The Jaffa's revenge', don't ask the reason why). Those whom he considers as an enemy should be afraid. Very afraid. 

He has a mentor, called Master Bra'tac. He loves him like a father. Bra'tac taught him everything that he knows. Recent events have proved that Teal'c is willing to sacrifice his life for him, that's how close they are. 

He eats a lot. Well, he's a big man. Teal'c is also one of those big teddy bears (this observation is only from eyes of Major Carter). He has a soft spot for everyone that he cares for. He likes sci-fi, especially Star Wars. And he's been trying to practice his jokes to suit ours. 

***

**18.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Want to have a dinner outside together, Major? Let's bring Teal'c, Daniel and the Doc as well. I think O'Malley's have lifted their restriction.

**18.45 : Sam Carter**

Doubt it, Sir. They did say that we are not allowed to enter their premises for as long as they still sell steak. 

**18.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Darn it. What about some Italian then? Or maybe Chinese?  

**18.46 : Sam Carter**

Chinese sounds good. What time do you want to meet topside? 

**18.46 : Jack O'Neill**

20.00. I'll tell Daniel and Teal'c. You go get the Doc. 

**18.46 : Sam Carter**

OK. Meet you there then.  

**18.46 : Jack O'Neill**

20.00 Carter. Don't be late. 

**18.47 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I'm not Daniel. You don't have to remind me about being punctual.

**18.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Sorry, force of habit. See you topside then.

**18.47 : Sam Carter**

OK. See you there. One more thing, Sir. This is supposed to be journal, not a telephone. We can't really use it to make an appointment. 

**18.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't care. 

***

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, why didn't the others know about this journal? I thought that you told them for sure.

**23.50 : Sam Carter**

I saw no need to tell them about this. Beside, I'm sure that you wouldn't appreciate being made fun of by those marines if they ever found out. It's not that I don't trust them, but the less people know, the better. This will reduce the possibility of a slip up. 

**23.50 : Jack O'Neill**

I see. Thanks. 

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

You're welcome. 

**23.51 : Jack O'Neill**

You know what? It's funny that I find this easy.

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

Sir?

**23.51 : Jack O'Neill**

This 'writing in the journal' thing. I don't feel forced anymore. And as much as I hate to admit it, it's fun. I can say things here and get away with it.  

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

I'm glad that you enjoy it. 

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, what about when we have a mission? What happens to the journal? 

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

Well, I was thinking about postponing the questions when we're off-world. It could endanger our mission, not to mention wasting valuable time.  

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

OK then. I'm glad you are already thinking it through. 

One more thing. I know that I'm your friend, but am I one of your best friends?

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. Of course you are. 

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

Then you don't mind me asking you out for dinner as a friend, do you? Just the two of us. This Thursday.  

**23.57 : Sam Carter**

I'm not sure that it would be such a good idea, Sir. People talk. 

**23.58 : Jack O'Neill**

So? Let them talk. It's not something new.  

**23.59 :**** Sam Carter**

Alright then. Let them talk. 

But I can't do Thursday. Cassie is coming to my house for a sleepover. What about Friday?

**23.59 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Friday is fine. 

Look at the time. It's midnight already. I'm off to bed.

Night Carter. See you tomorrow.

**23.59 : Sam Carter**

Goodnight Sir. 

*******

The next one will be** 'His GameBoy and Her Notebook'. Find out why they talk about anything else but the answer to the psychiatrist's question :o). Feedback or review is greatly appreciated. **


	3. His GameBoy and Her Notebook

**His GameBoy and Her Notebook**

by Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

AN:  Thanks to Rosemary again for beta-reading this. And for those who great reviewers, you all made my day. I won't waste your time, enjoy the story. 

***

**_Wednesday, 9 July 2003_**** **

**06.30 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What are you doing? 

**06.32 :**** Sam Carter**

Preparing to go to work, Sir. 

Didn't I say something about not confusing the journal with a phone yesterday?

**06.32 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That rings a bell. But hey, why should I care? 

**06.32 :**** Sam Carter**

Because it will reduce my workload a bit. I have to edit the journal before I send it to the psychiatrist.  

**06.32 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Speaking of which, how many questions do we have left? 

**06.33 :**** Sam Carter**

Three more, Sir. One today, one on Thursday and the last one on Friday.  

**06.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

And what happens after Friday?  

**06.33 :**** Sam Carter**

I will edit it and have it ready on Monday. They promised that we could have the results in a week's time.

**06.34 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I mean, what happens to the journal after Friday? 

**06.34 :**** Sam Carter**

I guess that's just it, Sir. It's finished.  

**06.35 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh. OK! 

**06.35 :**** Sam Carter**

Are you disappointed, Sir? 

**06.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Talk to you later. I have to get ready.  

**06.36 :**** Sam Carter**

Alright.  

***

**13.00: The Psychiatrist**

If you are stranded on a desert island, and you could only have one item with you, what would it be? 

***

**13.47 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Only one? I bet I know what yours is Carter. 

**13.48 :**** Sam Carter**

Really? What is it, Sir? 

**13.48 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Your laptop or your naquada reactor. Has to be one of them. 

**13.48 :**** Sam Carter**

Very good. I'm taking my notebook (laptop) with me. I could do a number of things with it, provided that I have enough supply of power to last a lifetime. I could always do new programming and do something interesting with it, so that I won't get bored easily. 

What about you? 

**13.49 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Can't you guess? 

**13.49 :**** Sam Carter**

Your fishing rod? 

**13.49 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nope, I could always make a makeshift rod once I'm on that island, I don't need a fancy one. Try again. Not a bad guess though. 

**13.49 :**** Sam Carter**

A boat to escape?  

**14.00 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know that if I chose that, it would be considered cheating. Wrong again. Come on, last chance. 

**14.00 :**** Sam Carter**

Third time lucky. 

Your GameBoy? 

**14.00 :**** Jack O'Neill**

How the Hell did you guess that? 

**14.00 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, it's either that, or your yo-yo. 

You need something to occupy your mind as well as your hands, and I presume the GameBoy is much more entertaining than a yo-yo. 

**14.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Okay. Good reason. And the GameBoy also stimulates your mind. Don't forget that point. 

That, and hopefully there is no restriction on how many games I can bring with me. 

Carter, this is too easy. Don't you agree? 

**14.01 :**** Sam Carter**

I guess so.  

My notebook is my life and your GameBoy is yours (so to speak). Not that we are that pathetic. Well, maybe we are ... but let's not talk about it. 

**14.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you're rambling. And we are not pathetic. 

What do you say we make it a little bit more interesting? 

**14.01 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm up for it if you are. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

OK then. What do you say if we change the question from 'what' to 'who'? 

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

We choose one person to spend time with in a remote island? Sure, why not? It sounds interesting. But I think we should set a condition. No one from the SGC, it's just too easy.  

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Deal. No family member either. 

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

How did you guess that? Dad is definitely out of the question now, then.  

**14.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hah! I knew it.  

**14.03 :**** Sam Carter**

In that case, no alien too. That means Thor is not allowed.  

**14.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Darn it. 

So, we have to find a non-SGC, non-family member and non-alien person to bring to the island huh? 

Piece of cake.  

**14.04 :**** Sam Carter**

Yup, definitely piece of cake. 

How long do you think before we finally found someone that fit the criteria? 

**14.04 :**** Jack O'Neill**

A month?

**14.04 :**** Sam Carter**

Don't you think that it's a bit too drastic, Sir. 

Does this person still have to be alive? 

**14.04 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Who's on your mind? 

**14.05 :**** Sam Carter**

Albert Einstein of course. 

Exchanging ideas with him will be so much fun. Imagine, conversing with one of the greatest physicist's the world had ever known.  

**14.05 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I don't know why I bother asking. 

**14.05 :**** Sam Carter**

What about you? Surely there's someone.

**14.05 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I guess I can take Mary Steenburgen with me. 

**14.05 :**** Sam Carter**

Who?

**14.06 :**** Jack O'Neill**

An actress.  

**14.07 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh, is she pretty? 

**14.07 :**** Jack O'Neill**

She has class.

**14.08 :**** Sam Carter**

I think we shouldn't bring anyone famous either. It's still too easy.

**14.08 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Why? 

**14.08 :**** Sam Carter**

Like I said, it's still too easy. 

**14.08 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No one famous. OK then. No ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend either. 

**14.08 :**** Sam Carter**

Agree. No childhood sweetheart or old crushes too. 

**14.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That leaves me with just my gardener, my barber, my drill sergeant and my neighbour then. I don't think I want them with me 24/7, to be honest with you. 

**14.09 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm sure we'll think of someone. 

Eventually. 

**14.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Not if we keep adding these ridiculous conditions.  

**14.09 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, that's what makes it interesting, isn't it? 

**14.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I guess so.  

**14.10 :**** Sam Carter**

Listen. I gotta go now. I have some work to do. Just write the name down when you think of it, OK? 

**14.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You got it. 

***

**19.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

This is useless. I couldn't think of anyone. There's always that take-away guy, but I don't really like him. I prefer to be alone rather than spending my time with him. What about you?

**19.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Same here. I can't concentrate on my work, thinking about this instead. This is absurd. 

Just chose one person, right? How hard could this be?

**19.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Can I choose Kinsey?

**19.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? Did you check before you type? You typed Kinsey. 

Are you running a fever, Sir? 

**19.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, I mean it. I could amuse myself by scaring the living daylights out of that son-of-a-b***h.

**19.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Yeah ...

Seeing your reason, I 'm surprised myself to find that I am no longer having the desire to persuade you to see Dr. MacKenzie. 

But please don't do it again, I was choking on my coffee reading that. And if you must do something like that again, a warning would be nice.  

**19.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Come to think of it, it could get old really soon. So, I guess I'll just pass.

What about you? Anyone you could think of? 

**19.14 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, I was seriously thinking about my masseur from the local health club.  I could always use his skill to relax. It didn't hurt much that he was quite cute. 

**19.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Cute? You chose him because he's cute?

**19.14 :**** Sam Carter**

No. You should really try his massage. He's got talented fingers, I can tell you that.

**19.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You chose him because his talent? And because he's cute?

**19.15 :**** Sam Carter**

I couldn't think of anyone else. My list is not actually long here. And I'm not going to choose him, just considering him. He's not a really someone that I could talk to. 

This is too impossible. What do you say we do something different?  

**19.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What are you suggesting? 

**19.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Don't know yet. Give me some time to think about it.

**19.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

By the way, do you know what happened to those idiots?

**19.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Which idiots, Sir?

**19.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Those idiots who landed us in this problem?

**19.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh, you mean Major Ewan and Captain Perry, Sir? The SG-9's CO and 2IC?

Well, Janet already cleared them from the infirmary this morning. I heard that General Hammond reprimanded them and made them go to one of those partnership courses, so that they could overcome their differences. 

**19.16 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Why didn't he just reassign one of them to another team? It'll be easier. And it'll save the taxpayer money too. 

**19.16 :**** Sam Carter**

It's their punishment, Sir. Besides, they will learn nothing if we just keep them away from one another. Besides, SGC is a small community, what would happen if they accidentally have a run-in in the corridor?

**19.16 :**** Jack O'Neill**

And all this because they were fighting over a girl. How childish is that? Like there's only one woman in the world. 

Who is this woman anyway?

**19.16 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, two grown men fighting over a woman, you must admit that it sounds romantic, Sir.  

The woman is a non-SGC member, Sir. And from what I've heard, she is married to someone else now.  

**19.16 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So why are they still fighting over her? 

**19.16 :**** Sam Carter**

I don't know. Maybe they already hated each other for so long, they forget the reason why. It's the male ego thing, I guess.  

**19.16 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, what if we put both of them on that island. How long do you reckon before they try to kill each other? 

**19.17 :**** Sam Carter**

From the moment they set foot on it. 

**19.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That sure, huh?

**19.17 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes. I never really paid attention to them until now, but you can feel the animosity every time those two are around. Do you remember when I accompanied SG-9 to P7Y 566? They didn't say much to each other, it was so strange. I thought it was just my feelings; that I was being over sensitive. They need to sort this out soon. 

**19.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What if it was the two of us who are on that island? How long will you put up with me?

**19.17 :**** Sam Carter**

As long as it takes, Sir. 

You're not that annoying. I could live with you. What about you, Sir? How long will you put up with me?

**19.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're OK, if there's no technology for you to babble about. I can live with that.  

**19.17 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir! I'm not that bad.

Am I? 

**19.18 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you should see the way your eyes dance when there's a new toy for you to play with. You mouth will automatically fire big words that go straight over my head. Face it; you are as bad as Daniel.  

**19.18 :**** Sam Carter**

What do you want me to say? Technology is my passion.  

**19.18 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Don't get me wrong, Carter. I like you just the way you are. You're not perfect, that's what makes you human. I like it better that way. It makes you more 'reachable'. 

**19.19 :**** Sam Carter**

Why would anyone think that I'm unreachable?

**19.19 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Take a good look at your mirror, your service record and your academic record. 

**19.19 :**** Sam Carter**

It's not all that I am.

**19.19 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I know that. But the others don't. 

And you know what? You shouldn't concern yourself about what the others think. It's their loss.  

**19.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Thanks, Sir. 

It funny, isn't it? One moment we talk about my notebook and your GameBoy, the next you are cheering me up.  

**19.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

It is. But life is funny. 

Carter, all the typing has made me hungry. 

**19.20 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll see you in the mess hall.

***

**20.59 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you said that you could erase the journal entries, right? So, lets just say, that I wanted to write something that I only wanted you to read, would you erase it before you send this to the shrink? 

**21.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. You know that you can trust me. If there's something that you didn't want anyone else to know, just let me know.  

**21.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good. 

Hammond is dead. I will personally see to it. 

**21.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? 

**21.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Major Ewan came to my office right after dinner. He asked me for some advice regarding the whole CO-2IC relationship thingy.  He said that Hammond had recommended him to talk to me. And he's also arranged a session with the four of us. Me, you, Ewan and Perry.

He's joking, right? Me, giving advice on relationships? It's like asking an elephant for advice on how to fly.  

**21.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh Boy. 

I take it the part that you want to erase is 'Hammond is dead. I will personally see to it'.

**21.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You got that right. What's wrong with him lately? Did he bang his head on the wall? Because there's definitely a screw loose there. 

Or maybe he had an order from 'up there' to frustrate me. Why does everybody hate me so much?

**21.03 :**** Sam Carter**

Look at this way, Sir. We've been together for almost seven years.  We've held the record for being the longest CO and 2IC partnership in the SGC. You have to admit, Colonel, it has to mean something. Besides, this proves that the General trusts us. So don't take your frustrations out on the General; he doesn't deserve it. 

And for the record, I don't hate you, Sir.  

**21.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I know that. Even a green rookie could know that. Your IQ combines with my muscle, nothing can compare to that. But it's not something that can be taught. And anyway, aren't they going to send them to the partnership course?

Hammond knows how uncomfortable I am with all of this. But he still does it. Damn him. Just because he has stars on his shoulders, it doesn't mean that he can do anything that he likes.

And thanks for not hating me, Carter.  

**21.03 :**** Sam Carter**

Actually, Sir, he could. Last time I checked, stars are still the sign of a higher rank compared to a bird. 

You're welcome.  

**21.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter. 

I don't know who taught you all this sarcasm, or how long have you been learning. I don't care. But please. This is neither the time nor the place. I'm irked. And there's nothing that irks me more than you throwing all that cynicism into my face. 

And you won't like me when I'm super irked.  

**21.04 :**** Sam Carter**

Sorry, Sir.  

**21.04 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You didn't sound like you meant it. 

**21.04 :**** Sam Carter**

I didn't. 

Because I didn't say it, therefore you didn't hear it.  So, I didn't sound like I am sorry.  

**21.04 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That's it. I'm not talking to you anymore. 

See you tomorrow morning. My office, 09.00 sharp, that's our session with Ewan and Perry.  

**21.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, I might not sound like I meant it. 

But I typed it like I meant it.  Honest. 

***

**21.34 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? Are you there? 

***

**21.50 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel O'Neill?  

***

**22.39 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel? This silent treatment better end now, or I might find a reason to cancel our 'date' on Friday. 

***

**23.07 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? Please respond. I'm getting worried now. And you're not answering your cell phone either. I know that you already left the SGC (I called the check-point). Listen, you don't have to write anything, just let me know that you're OK. 

***

**23.41 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Date? It's two friends dining together, for crying out loud. And Carter, shame on you. You should know that threatening me would get you nowhere.

I'm not ignoring you (well, I was at first). I went for a drink with some of the guys. I left the Palm in the car, that's why I haven't been able to contact you. My cell phone battery is low, I had to turn it off.  Why didn't you page me instead? 

**23.41 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, thank God you're OK. I'm really sorry about earlier, but I hardly ever have the chance to annoy you. 

And I completely forgot about the pager. I was that worried (and really, really, really sorry). 

**23.42 :**** Jack O'Neill**

If you were any other guy, I wouldn't even consider speaking to you again. You are so lucky that I actually like you.

**23.42 :**** Sam Carter**

Thank you, Sir.  

**23.42 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Where are you now?

**23.42 :**** Sam Carter**

Still in the SGC. I think I'll sleep in my quarters tonight. It's too late to go home. 

**23.43 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good. 

Hey, dinner on Friday is still on, right?

**23.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Wouldn't miss it for the world.

**23.43 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Excellent. 

See you tomorrow then. 

**23.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Goodnight, Sir.  

***

The next in the series will be **'His Office and Her Lab'**. Jack is starting to **love this journal ;o). Feedback, encouragement and review are appreciated.**


	4. His Office and Her Lab

**His Office and Her Lab**

by Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**Note: Thanks once again for my beta-reader Rosemary. I have fun writing it, I hope you have fun reading it as well. Let the story begin ...**

*********__**

**_Thursday, 10 July 2003_******

****

**13.00: The Psychiatrist**

Where do you spend most of your time when you are on the base? Explain the reason why.

***

**14.05 : Jack O'Neill**

See Carter, I resisted the urge to abuse this journal. I didn't use it to make an appointment. What wouldn't I do for you, eh?

***

**14.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I know you have your Palm with you. 

So be a good girl and answer me, will you?

***

**14.15 : Jack O'Neill**

I know you've read my previous entries. 

Major, don't ignore my order. 

***

**14.18 : Sam Carter**

First of all, I would like to thank you for the small favour, Sir. It was so thoughtful of you. 

Secondly, you were lucky that the Palms have the 'vibrate' and 'silent' features on them. However, you might want to refrain from writing in the journal during briefings. Teal'c is giving you the 'look'. And I'm sure Daniel will soon realise that you haven't paid much attention to him. Don't forget General Hammond; he might confiscate your Palm if he found out that you are using it right now.  

And thirdly, please, stop throwing paper balls at me! You've got my attention already. 

**14.20 : Jack O'Neill**

But Daniel's briefing is boring, as usual. It's all in his report. I could always read it after this. 

Humor me, please. I know that you are bored too. 

Teal'c might give me the 'look', but I know that he won't say anything. Daniel is in his happy place, even a purple dog dancing in front of his eyes couldn't bring him out of it. The General is (trying to, and failing miserably) concentrating on our archaeologist, his back is to us. And the last time I checked, he doesn't have eyes in the back of his head. 

Come on, I know you want it too. You've doodled on your notes, which means you didn't find this lecture interesting either. 

Just cover the Palm with your folder - they won't have a clue. 

**14.21 : Sam Carter**

I hate it when you read me like that. It's so unfair. 

**14.22 : Jack O'Neill**

I knew that you would agree with me. 

So, the place where we spend most of our time on the base, huh? I know yours is your lab. Where you do all those mind boggling experiments, invent all those impossible machines, test every alien object that comes from the Stargate, rewrite the law of physics, and don't forget that it was the place where you think up all those wacky ideas of yours. 

Can you guess mine?

**14.22 : Sam Carter**

Colonel. We are not supposed to answer each other's questions; we have to do it ourselves. 

Yours is either the mess hall or Daniel's office. 

**14.22 : Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. 

And no, mine is not the mess hall or Daniel's office. I might go there often (your lab and the gym are on the list too), but I don't spend a lot of my time there. 

**14.22 : Sam Carter**

Aahh, it has to be your office then. A place where you claim you never spend more than an hour if you don't have to. A place that you have established as your least favourite place on the base, because of the amount of paperwork in there. But being the responsible person that you are, you do all of the paperwork anyhow. And we all know how long it can take for you to do that. 

Am I right?

It's nice to see that you compare my lab to the mess hall, Sir. I'm honoured. 

**14.23 : Jack O'Neill**

Pretty sharp there, Carter. For someone who insisted that we should answer the question **ourselves. **

And, Carter, what did I say about your sarcasm? You've been too witty for your own good lately. 

**14.23 : Sam Carter**

Well, Sir, what can I say? You've been a bad influence. 

And I can't do anything about my wit, Sir. I'm afraid you are just going to have to endure it. 

**14.24 : Jack O'Neill**

See? I told you this would be fun. 

You've been enjoying yourself too.

**14.24 : Sam Carter**

Sir, you might want to be less obvious. Don't smile or frown while reading this. Teal'c is getting more suspicious. And I just can't imagine what would happen if he asked you if something was wrong. Daniel and General Hammond will be on our case too in less than a second. And if that occurs, I will deny my involvement in this. In other words, I will pretend that I don't know what they're talking about and ask you some questions myself.

**14.25 : Jack O'Neill**

I never pegged you as a traitor, Major. 

**14.25 : Sam Carter**

Only if I have to, Sir.  Only if I have to. 

**14.25 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll let you off this time, Carter. But don't expect me to be so generous next time. 

Hey, don't you think that this morning was a complete waste of time? Ewan and Perry barely speak to one another. What do you think? What should we do?

**14.25 : Sam Carter**

Well, Sir, if you did not give up so fast (the session only lasted for 10 minutes) and kicked them out of your office, I'm sure that we could have done something. 

**14.26 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm not having my office tainted by an awkward and hostile silence. I don't want to hate that place more than I already do.   

Besides, I said that I would reschedule the session, didn't I? It was just too early for me to think with my brain. 

**14.26 : Sam Carter**

Understandable. 

Ok then. What do you want to do about them? 

**14.26 : Jack O'Neill**

We could always use the old-fashioned way. Lock them inside a closet for 24 hours. 

**14.26 : Sam Carter**

I don't think General Hammond would approve, Sir. 

**14.26 : Jack O'Neill**

What he doesn't know won't hurt him. 

**14.26 : Sam Carter**

Are you suggesting that we go behind his back, Sir?

**14.27 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, he trusted me to give advice to them, right? He should have known the risk.

**14.27 : Sam Carter**

And you decided to abuse that trust?

**14.27 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, why do you always take all my fun away from me? I'm feeling bad now. 

**14.27 : Sam Carter**

Whoops. 

It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad, Sir. What I am trying to say is that there has to be another way to teach them a lesson. 

**14.27 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm listening. 

**14.28 : Sam Carter**

No, you're not. You're reading. 

What about asking the rest of SG-9 members for some more insight?

**14.28 : Jack O'Neill**

My mistake, I was** reading, not listening. **

That's a good idea. Once this briefing is over, you go and ask them to meet us somewhere. Preferably not in my office. 

**14.28 : Sam Carter**

I will. Let's use my lab. I'll let you know about the exact time. Do you have any other meetings or appointments today?

**14.28 : Jack O'Neill**

Not that I know of. 

Hey, you said that you're going to have a girls night in with Cassie, aren't you?

**14.28 : Sam Carter**

Yes, I am. She'll probably be in my house long before I get home. She has my house key, she asked for it the other day, saying that she wanted to use my kitchen to bake something. 

**14.29 : Jack O'Neill**

And you **let** her use your kitchen?

**14.29 : Sam Carter**

Sure. Why not?

**14.29 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter. There's a reason why the word 'teenager' and 'kitchen' don't often exist in the same sentence. Good luck cleaning it. 

**14.29 : Sam Carter**

Cassie is more responsible than that. You should have more faith in her. 

Besides, I could always ask for your help cleaning it if she decides to blow up my kitchen. 

**14.29 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm a Colonel, not a cleaning lady. 

**14.30 : Sam Carter**

You're not? 

**14.30 : Jack O'Neill**

Ha ha. Very funny, Carter. 

You had better watch what you eat and drink from now on. 

**14.30 : Sam Carter**

Hey, look. Daniel's almost finished with his briefing. 

**14.30 : Jack O'Neill**

Yay. 

But I'm not distracted Carter. You might also want to watch your back all the time. 

**14.30 : Sam Carter**

I will. Thanks for the warning. 

Now, let's end it here and now. We have a briefing to do. 

**14.31 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, Ma'am.

***

**17.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter! I've got it.

**17.57 : Sam Carter**

Whatever it is, I hope it's not contagious, Sir. 

**17.57 : Jack O'Neill**

I starting to hate the new you, you know.

**17.57 : Sam Carter**

The new me, Sir? What are you talking about?

**17.57 : Jack O'Neill**

The totally evil Carter who is using this journal as an excuse to torment me. Why can't you just be that good little soldier who respects me?

**17.57 : Sam Carter**

And miss all this fun? I'm afraid I have to decline the offer, Sir. 

Anyway, what is it that you've got, Sir?

**17.58 : Jack O'Neill**

You really should go and see Fraiser, Carter. Maybe all that hard work has finally scrambled your brain. 

What I've got, is an idea to solve the 'Ewan and Perry problem'. After listening to the other team members, I realised that it was more serious than we first thought. And what better way to solve a serious matter than with a radical way. 

**17.58 : Sam Carter**

My brain is fine, Sir. Thanks for worrying about it though.

And what radical way do you have in your mind? 

**17.58 : Jack O'Neill**

I should have known that the Carter I've known for the last seven years was too good to be true. 

The radical way I have in mind is cue drum roll: send them to an uninhabited planet and give them some basic necessities only.  Leave them there for a week to survive. 

I'm quite sure that they will bond nicely. 

**17.58 : Sam Carter**

Sir. I'm sorry to inform you that this idea, to put it bluntly, sucks. There is no way the General would agree to this. Even the 'locking them in a closet' idea has more potential than this one. 

And I believe I must point out that you said 'quite sure', not 'positively sure'. Please Sir, if you want to present this idea to Hammond, the least you could do is be really confident about this plan. 

**17.59 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, Hammond might have okay-ed this idea. You never know if you don't ask. 

And Carter, this idea does not suck; it's original. 

**17.59 : Sam Carter**

With all due respect, Sir, the day General Hammond agrees to this would be the day he has lost his mind. 

And how is it an original idea? When was the last time you watched TV, Sir? 

**17.59 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, they send those people to an island. We'll send them to another planet. What is not original about that?

**17.59 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I still think that General Hammond would have to be insane to agree to this.

**17.59 : Jack O'Neill**

We shall see, Carter. We shall see.

I'm going to his office now. 

**18.00 : Sam Carter**

Good luck. 

And please let the General know that this was your idea, yours only. I have nothing to do with it. 

**18.00 : Jack O'Neill**

Will do. 

***

**18.23 : Jack O'Neill**

Wohoo!

Hammond is insane. 

***

**18.36 : Sam Carter**

When I read your previous entry, I thought you were joking, Colonel. So I went to the General and asked for confirmation. 

The General **is insane.**

I must agree with you this once. Although you promising him to complete your paperwork by 17.00 tomorrow, as an incentive if he agrees to this plan, has to be taken into consideration. 

**18.37 : Jack O'Neill**

You didn't trust me? I'm hurt, Carter. 

And did you suggest that I'm **bribing **the General? 

**18.37 : Sam Carter**

Don't get me wrong, Sir. I trust you with my life, just not with other things. 

And yes, I did suggest that you bribed the General. And that's just pure manipulation, Sir. I know you've almost completed the paperwork anyway. You've been asking for my assistance **and** Daniel's for the last few days. 

**18.37 : Jack O'Neill**

O'Neill's first lesson in life: Don't waste any opportunity. 

**18.37 : Sam Carter**

My mistake, Sir. I forgot that you are an O'Neill. Yes, that behaviour is acceptable when you bear that name. 

**18.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, that's enough. You're ruining my mood. 

Can you imagine, seven days without those two troublemakers? It's heaven. Even you can't deny that.

**18.38 : Sam Carter**

Well, Sir, if you put it that way… 

**18.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Okay, that's settles it then. 

We'll send them off-world on Monday. I'll take care of the basic supplies that they will bring with them, while you'll go and inform Ewan and Perry about this right now.

**18.38 : Sam Carter**

Sir? Don't you like me anymore? 

It's a one-way ticket to the grave. They'll tear me apart if I told them about this 'plan'.

**18.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, do you realise that you were whining like a little girl?

Shoo.  Go do your job. 

**18.39 : Sam Carter**

OK. OK. I'll do it.

But don't be surprised if you found my cold and lifeless body in the SGC's corridor somewhere. 

**18.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't be such a drama queen. They respect you, Carter. They wouldn't do anything to you. Besides, if they do, you can always kick their butts. You have my permission.

**18.40 : Sam Carter**

Easy for you to say, Sir. I'm the one who's doing the kicking. 

**18.39 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm sure you kick well. 

***

**23.53 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, how's your kitchen?

**23.53 : Sam Carter**

It's fine, Sir. Thanks for asking. I wanted to say 'I told you so', but I guess it's been a long day for you, so I'll spare you this one. 

PS: Cassie's blueberry cheesecake is delicious. She said that I should bring some for you tomorrow. 

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm ignoring your first paragraph. 

Tell Cassie that she's an angel. 

Have you told Ewan and Perry yet?

**23.54 : Sam Carter**

Yes. I dropped them a line. 

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

You 'dropped them a line'?

**23.54 : Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. With the wonder of the 20th century called e-mail, I dropped them a line. I'm glad to inform you that my self-preservation instinct is still working and in perfect condition. I told them that I only passed on your message, and if they have a problem with it, they should talk to you. Therefore I suggest you find a nice place to hide tomorrow, if you don't want them to bother you. 

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

Someday, you'll be the death of me; you know that. I can picture it on my death certificate. 

Cause of death: Major Samantha Carter, USAF. 

**23.55 : Sam Carter**

It will be my pleasure to have my name in there, Sir. 

**23.55 : Jack O'Neill**

I feel a headache coming. 

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I don't think we'll have much time to go home tomorrow, so we'll be leaving for dinner straight from the base.  Is that alright with you?

**23.55 : Sam Carter**

Sure. What time we'll be leaving?

**23.55 : Jack O'Neill**

19.00. If there's no emergency or major incident on the base. 

**23.55 : Sam Carter**

Knowing our luck, well ...

**23.55 : Jack O'Neill**

You're right. Anyway. I'll see you at the mess hall for breakfast. Don't forget Cassie's cheesecake. 

**23.56 : Sam Carter**

Goodnight, Sir.

**23.55 : Jack O'Neill**

Goodnight. 

***

The next one will be **'His Dog and Her Cat'. Find out how the 'date' goes. **


	5. His Dog and Her Cat

His Dog and Her Cat 

by Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**AN: Thanks again to Rosemary for beta-reading this. **

**Minor Spoilers for these episodes: 'Enigma', 'Upgrade', 'Divide and Conquer', and 'Fallen'.**

***

**_Friday, 11 July 2003_******

****

**10.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, remind me to ask Cassie whether she wants to be my personal cook or not. The cheesecake is scrumptious. 

**10.09 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, Cassie wants to be an astrophysicist like me. The baking is just a hobby. 

I still can't believe that you ate the cheesecake for breakfast. 

**10.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Really? I should have a talk with her then. She shouldn't be one of those astrophysicts or whatever the correct spelling is (it's too early for me to check the dictionary), the path is not for her. 

Believe it. Desert is a food made to be eaten at any given time, Major. 

**10.10 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel! Leave her alone. Let her do whatever she wants to do. And it's 'astrophysicist', Sir. 

You have a bad case of the sweet tooth, haven't you?

**10.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

We can't leave her alone. What would you do if she said that she wanted to be a janitor? Wouldn't you talk her out of it?

And for your information, yes, I **do** have a sweet tooth, but doesn't everybody?  

**10.10 :**** Sam Carter**

An astrophysicist and a janitor. I see how you come up with this comparison. Really, I do. 

No, Colonel, not everybody has a sweet tooth. 

**10.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Don't avoid the question, Carter. Will you or will you not talk her out of it?

Anybody who doesn't have a sweet tooth is a weirdo. How can you not like sweets?

**10.11 :**** Sam Carter**

But Sir, it's not fair. 

There's this disease called diabetes, Sir. Where the patients are prohibited from consuming too much sugar. Therefore they can't have a sweet tooth. 

**10.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Since when do I play fair?

Smart-ass.

**10.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Good point. Silly me for forgetting something like that. 

But honestly, Sir, what's wrong with being an astrophysicist anyway?

**10.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nothing. It's just not her.

**10.11 :**** Sam Carter**

And what do you want her to be then? Not a hockey player, I hope. 

**10.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm not that ignorant. Of course, not a hockey player. Although, I won't mind if it does come true. 

She should be a doctor like Fraiser. She has that glare, you know, the one that makes the Doc's small body grow at least three times larger. The one that she uses when her patients are being difficult.

**10.12 :**** Sam Carter**

You mean, the one that Janet uses when YOU are being difficult? How do you know about this anyway?

**10.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, that accusation is completely uncalled for. 

And I know this because she gave me first aid when we went skating last month. There was this little accident in the ring, and I was kinda involved in it. Cassie treated my injury; you should have seen how she handled me. 

She's scarier than the Doc. 

**10.12 :**** Sam Carter**

You are more afraid of Cassie than Janet? Does Janet know about this? She'll be so proud (of Cassie). And pissed (at you, of course).  

**10.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I merely stated the truth. 

Anyway, this is the last day huh?

**10.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, it is. 

The last question will come up at 13.00 as usual. 

**10.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I see. 

Hey, Ferretti has just popped into my office and told me that both Ewan and Perry are looking for me (thanks to you). I'm going to borrow Coburn's office to finish my paperwork because his team is on a mission. I need all the peace that I can get. Can you get me something for lunch later on? I don't want to break my promise to the General.

**10.14 :**** Sam Carter**

Sure, Sir. I'll get you something good to eat.

Good luck with the paperwork, Sir. 

**10.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Thanks. I'll need that. 

***

**13.00: The Psychiatrist**

If you got a pet, what would it be? Explain the reason why!

***

**13.24 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know what? This question is getting easier and easier. It's blatantly obvious. You'll have a cat and I'll have a dog. 

**13.25 :**** Sam Carter**

We still have to explain why, Sir.

**13.25 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're a cat person, I'm a dog person. 

Duh.

**13.25 :**** Sam Carter**

Actually, I was a more dog person than a cat one. But Schrödinger, well, he's the best pet I could ever have. When I went to the pet shop, he just stared at me with his green eyes and I was drawn to him. Do you know the feeling you get when you see something and you just knew that that was 'the one'? That's how I feel about him. We've been best friends ever since. If I had a bad day, he would be there for me. Even after I joined the Stargate program, and I spent less time with him, he was still there for me. I miss him. 

**13.25 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Why do you give him up to Narim then?

**13.26 :**** Sam Carter**

Because I know Narim would take good care of him. Better than I could. I had been asking some of my friends whether they wanted to adopt him, because I just didn't have the time for him anymore. And a cat is an attention-seeker creature; they constantly need affection. I couldn't give that to him anymore. 

It was better that way. 

What about you? Ever had a dog?

**13.26 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I used to have a dog when I was younger, long before I joined the Air Force. He was a family dog, a Golden Retriever.  His name was Rover, not very original, I'm afraid, but that's what my folks named him. He'd been with me for as long as I can remember. My parents had him even before I was born. Unfortunately, his age got the better of him and he passed away when I was in high school. 

I remember crying the day I lost him. Well, the whole family did. Rover **is a part of my family. We buried him in the back garden, so that in a sense, he stayed with us. **

**13.26 :**** Sam Carter**

I never knew that talking about our pets could be this depressing. 

**13.26 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yeah. You're right. It did bring back a lot of memories, but at least it was a good one. At least I can talk about it, without being bitter. 

Or without shooting you afterwards. 

**13.27 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, you've got a good point there. 

**13.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

It's still an easy question, though. 

**13.27 :**** Sam Carter**

It is. But there's nothing we can do about that, Sir. I didn't come up with the questions. 

**13.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

But this is the last day. We should make the best of it. 

**13.27 :**** Sam Carter**

How?

**13.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

We'll come up with something. As usual. 

**13.27 :**** Sam Carter**

I thought you had some paperwork to do, Sir. How's it going?

**13.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

It went well, a few more, and I'm done. Coburn's got a nice quite office. 

Hey, thanks for the lunch, by the way.

**13.28 :**** Sam Carter**

No problem, Sir. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. 

Listen, I gotta go now. I'll visit you if I have time.

**13.28 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Thanks, Carter. 

And please don't forget to tell Daniel where I am. I asked for his help but I doubt that he knows where I am. 

**13.28 :**** Sam Carter**

I will.

***

**14.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, Carter. Want to bash Daniel's head against a wall?

**14.51 :**** Sam Carter**

What has he done?

**14.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know, he had too much fun with his loss memory thingy. He kept using it as an excuse to refuse to help me. 'Sorry Jack, I can't remember that mission,' or 'I don't know what you're talking about,' and my favourite, 'Why don't you ask Sam?' 

I read somewhere that you could retrieve the loss memory by banging the head against a wall; it was supposed to put everything back in its place. Is that true?

**14.52 :**** Sam Carter**

Haven't you read that it could cause severe head trauma as well, Sir? Please refrain from hurting Daniel, Sir. I'll be right there.

**14.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're a life saver, Carter. 

***

**16.35 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Finished Done! The End! Finito!

No more paperwork. 

Wanna celebrate it with me in the mess hall?

Thanks for the help earlier, by the way. 

**16.36 :**** Sam Carter**

What about Ewan and Perry? They're still after your blood, Sir. 

You're welcome. 

**16.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Damn it. I forgot about that. 

Meet me topside then. We'll celebrate outside.

**16.36 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, it's still too early. Besides, I have some work to be done. Ask Daniel. He might have some time. Better yet, ask Teal'c. He looks kinda bored. 

**16.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'll do that. You better go and finish up whatever work that you have by the time I come back here, Major. 

**16.36 :**** Sam Carter**

I will. Now go and celebrate, so I can do my job. 

**16.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You do that. 

***

**17.19 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter. Help!

I'm in front of the elevator at Level 18.

Bring Teal'c!

**17.18 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? What's wrong?

**17.19 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel O'Neill? Are you alright?

**17.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Hang on, Sir. I'm on my way. 

***

**17.32 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Phew. That was close.

**17.32 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, you were overreacting. 

**17.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, borrowing your own words, they were after my blood. Well, figuratively speaking anyway. How I wish that they meant it literally, because at least I could fight back. They are creeping me out with all that nagging and whining. Why can't they see that there's nothing that they can say to change my mind?

**17.33 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, I can't say that I blame them. You are going to send them to an uninhabited planet with nothing but basic supplies! Anyone in their right minds would have protested.  

**17.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

They asked for it. 

**17.33 :**** Sam Carter**

Where are you now?

**17.34 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm on my way to town. Teal'c is driving. 

Hey, thanks for the help by the way.

**17.34 :**** Sam Carter**

No problem, Sir. It's part of my job.

And Sir, please remember the difference between the journal and the telephone. 

**17.34 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I did say that 'I don't care', didn't I?

***

**18.43 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, finished your work already?

**18.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. Why?

**18.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Wanna go now? It's a bit early, but we could always go someplace to drink first. 

**18.44 :**** Sam Carter**

Give me half an hour to get ready. I'll see you topside.

**18.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, meet me at the usual place. I'm not going back to the SGC.

**18.44 :**** Sam Carter**

OK. Give me 45 minutes then, and I'll see you there.

**18.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

See you.

***

**22.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Typical. This is fringing typical.

**22.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, look on the bright side, Sir. You can blame the Tok'ra, and I won't contradict you. As long as you won't say anything about my Dad or Selmak. 

**22.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, we haven't even touched our appetizers yet. I'm not blaming the Tok'ra. I **know that they are at fault.**

Just once. I'd like to have a nice dinner with you, just the two of us, just once. Is it too much to ask?

And to top it all off, it was that manipulative good for nothing woman. Hasn't she done enough to us, yet? She had ruined our lives more than any other aliens put together. 

I like your outfit by the way. I haven't had the chance to say it. 

**22.57 :**** Sam Carter**

I have to agree with you, Sir. 

It was going great until she came and insisted on calling SG-1. And for what? For helping the Tok'ra moving their base, that's what for. She could have had any other team to do that, but oh no, she had to have us. I hate that woman. Who does she think we are? A moving company?

At least the General didn't look pleased as well. 

And thank you, Colonel. I like yours as well. Especially the black leather jacket. 

PS: Personally, Sir, I think she just wanted to see you. 

**22.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

The feeling is mutual, Major. The feeling is mutual. 

PS: Please, don't talk as if she likes me. Because I don't like her. 

**22.57 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm glad you feel that way, Sir. 

**22.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know what? Let's screw the mission and send SG-9 instead. I think Ewan and Perry would take it over the remote planet anytime. 

**22.58 :**** Sam Carter**

Can we do that? 

**22.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Why not?

**22.58 :**** Sam Carter**

Do you really think that the General will go for it? I mean, SG-9 has an unresolved problem. 

**22.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

If you back me up, I don't see the reason why not. We can kill two birds with one stone. 

**22.59 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll see you in the General's office. 

***

**23.42 :**** Sam Carter**

I love the General. 

**23.43 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yup, for once this week, he is actually in his right mind. 

Did you see the look on Freya's face? It was priceless. 

**23.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir! The General had been acting in his right mind all the time, well, except when he said 'OK' to your plan yesterday. But to his defence, you offered something that he could not refuse. 

And I did see it. Serves her right for being so bossy. Did she really think that she could snap her fingers and we would follow her orders? 

**23.43 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You must admit Carter. It **was** a brilliant idea. 

Does she know how to snap her fingers? I mean being a Tok'ra and all that, she might have just settled for an ultimatum. 'I'm a Tok'ra, hear me speak!' 

**23.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Lets not talk about her anymore. It makes me feel sick. 

So, the journal is almost over now. 

**23.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, it is. 

As  much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to miss it. Especially the 'free' you.

**23.44 :**** Sam Carter**

'Free' me? 

**23.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes. Whether you like it or not, you've been acting like someone who has just had a leash released from your neck. You've been surprisingly spontaneous. 

**23.44 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, Sir. I'm learning from you.

Remember O'Neill's first lesson in life? 'Don't waste any opportunity'. Therefore, I'm not going to waste this one. 

**23.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, good for you. 

**23.45 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel, if you wanted to, we can resume the journal. There will be no more questions though. Just us writing anything that we want. I don't see the reason why we couldn't keep the Palm anyway. I'm  kinda attached to mine.

**23.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'd very much like that. 

Are you sure that you wouldn't get into trouble for this?

**23.45 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm positive, Sir. 

**23.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

OK then. We'll keep the journal. 

Carter, I still haven't had my dinner yet. 

**23.45 :**** Sam Carter**

Me too, Sir. 

**23.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Wanna go out and eat something?

**23.46 :**** Sam Carter**

Where do you want to go? Most of the restaurants won't take orders at this time of the day. It's almost midnight. 

**23.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

We could always go for a McDonald's or a Burger King, I heard that some of their stores are open 24 hours.

**23.46 :**** Sam Carter**

You're joking right? 

**23.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nope, I'm very serious. 

**23.46 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm sorry, Sir, but I'm taking the mess hall's food anytime over those. Besides, it's late already; I don't feel like going out. 

**23.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, to be honest, neither do I. But with that damn Tok'ra on the base, I couldn't hang out in the mess hall. She'll try to talk, and persuade me to take SG-1 to help them. 

**23.47 :**** Sam Carter**

I won't let that happen.

Where are you now? Not in yours or Daniel's office, I take it. She knows that those are your hiding places. 

**23.47 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nope. I'm in Coburn's office. I'm avoiding just about anyone right now. 

**23.47 :**** Sam Carter**

Let me get some food from the commissary, Sir, and we'll eat it together there. What do you think? I just hope that Major Coburn won't mind us using his office as a picnic area. 

**23.47 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I think I'd like that. And don't worry too much about Coburn; we'll clean up afterward. But if you're feeling that guilty, we could always use Ferretti's office. 

**23.47 :**** Sam Carter**

Lets trash Ferreti's then. I prefer facing his wrath than Major Coburn's. Besides, Ferretti couldn't stay angry at us for more than a day. 

**23.47 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I almost forgot how sneaky you are.

**23.47 :**** Sam Carter**

No more than you, Sir. 

**23.47 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'll see you in Ferretti's office then. 

**23.48 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll see you there. 

***

**NOTE:** Come on, you don't really think that the date would go along nicely, do you? It's Sam and Jack we're talking about, something had to go wrong eg. Anyway, I just wanted to say that even though this is the last question that '**The Psychiatrist' would ask, this is not the end of the series. I've been trying to upload the stories every two or three days, unfortunately I couldn't do it anymore.  I have my cousin visiting me at the moment, so the series is officially on hiatus.  Besides, my finger needs a rest. And my muse needs new ideas. ;o) Writing in this format is surprisingly getting more difficult because I couldn't be sure whether Sam or Jack would actually cross some lines in this journal. That and I need to find something fresh to keep the story going. Thanks for all the encouragement and support that you have given throughout the series. **


	6. The Bloopers so far

**Bloopers: His and Hers Series**

**Story 1-5**

By Blue Topaz

NOTE: OK, this is the collection of bloopers from the 'His and Hers' series so far, not a fic. This is what I meant when I said I don't know whether they will cross some line or not. Because in this bloopers, they definitely cross it. This is unbeta-ed, thus any mistakes are all mine. 

***

**His 2IC and Her CO**

***

**10.07: Sam Carter**

I was being sarcastic, Sir. 

And don't worry Sir; I know how deep and meaningful you can be. 

**10.07: Jack O'Neill**

Was that an insult, Carter?

**10.08: Sam Carter**

Yes, it is. :p

***

**18.02: Sam Carter**

Is that how you want to play the game, Sir? OK then. 

First Impression: The Colonel is incorrigible 

Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, until The Last Impression: He is still incorrigible.

Conclusion: He is as incorrigible now as he was when I first saw him. 

**18.05: Jack O'Neill**

Yes, and I'm proud of it. 

***

**18.14: Sam Carter**

It's called Palm, Sir. Ours were installed with some new software, they are connected to one another. That's how the journal works, like some sort of chat room, but only certain people can access them. There's an organizer in it as well. Want me to teach you how to use it?

**18.14: Jack O'Neill**

I'm up for it if you give me a 'private' lesson.

**18.14: Sam Carter**

Your house or mine?

**18.15: Jack O'Neill**

Mine, the bed is bigger. 

***

**23.57: Sam Carter**

Cheat code for any 10 computer games. Your pick.

**23.58: Jack O'Neill**

Interesting. And how come you never offered me this before?

**23.58: Sam Carter**

Well, the sexual favors usually work better. But I'm tired tonight. 

**23.58: Jack O'Neill**

D'oh.

***

**His Archaeologist, Her CMO and Their **Jaffa********

***

**05.34 :**** Jack O'Neill**

They were fighting over a girl? 

Their unprofessional behaviour is appalling. They were lucky the planet that they were visiting was a peaceful one. 

**05.34 :**** Sam Carter**

Need I remind you that you and Daniel were fighting over me a few years back, Colonel?

**05.34 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I was under the Touched virus influence, Carter. And don't sound so smug about it. 

***

**11.55 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm performing an experiment to determine the decay rate of the new mineral that SG-7 found on P98 766. 

Wanna help me?

**11.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm bored. Not suicidal. 

**11.56 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, it's only an experiment. Not a dangerous mission. 

And I'm not going to bite. Neither will my equipment. 

**11.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Really? Then how come I still have your teeth imprint on my hand from when we were aboard Klorel's ship?

**11.56 :**** Sam Carter**

It was my mark on you. I was being territorial. 

***

**13.47 :**** Sam Carter**

There are more secrets that I share with Janet than with Daniel.

**13.47 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That's only because Janet's a woman. 

**13.48 :**** Sam Carter**

No, it's because Janet can hold her drink better than Daniel. And she's not blabbering either when she was drunk. 

***

**16.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Meet me in my office. We compare notes. 

**16.51 :**** Sam Carter**

Now?

**16.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, Carter. Next year.

Of course now, for crying out loud.

**16.51 :**** Sam Carter**

Give me ten minutes.

**16.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Make it five and I'll strip for you. 

**16.51 :**** Sam Carter**

Be there in two minutes. 

***

**23.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Then you don't mind me asking you out for dinner as a friend, do you? Just the two of us. This Thursday.  

**23.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Make it a candle light dinner with the best wine that the restaurant has and it's a deal.  

**23.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm a USAF Colonel, not a millionaire.

***

**His GameBoy and Her Notebook**

***

**06.30 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What are you doing? 

**06.32 :**** Sam Carter**

Preparing to go to work, Sir. 

Didn't I say something about not confusing the journal with a phone yesterday?

**06.32 :**** Jack O'Neill**

There's a difference?

***

**14.00 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, it's either that, or your yo-yo. 

You need something to occupy your mind as well as your hands, and I presume the GameBoy is much more entertaining than a yo-yo. 

**14.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Actually, there's something else that can stimulate my mind as well as my hands better than GameBoy. It's more interesting too. 

**14.01 :**** Sam Carter**

What is it?

**14.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You.

**14.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Me?

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes, for my hand's stimulation, I could always tickle you. And for my mind, well ... you know. Something that will rate higher than R. 

***

**19.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Can I choose Kinsey?

**19.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? Did you check before you type? You typed Kinsey. 

Are you running a fever, Sir? 

**19.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, I mean it. I could amuse myself by scaring the living daylights out of that son-of-a-b***h.

**19.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Yeah ...

Seeing your reason, I 'm surprised myself to find that I am no longer having the desire to persuade you to see Dr. MacKenzie. 

If that the case, can I choose MacKay?

**19.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No. 

And no 'But'. 

Just no. 

**19.14 :**** Sam Carter**

But Sir, I want to have some fun with him too. 

**19.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, what did I say about 'But'? And don't take me for a fool, Major. I know exactly what kind of fun you are talking about. 

**19.14 :**** Sam Carter**

But ...

**19.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Ah, ah, ah. No 'But'.

***

**19.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What if it was the two of us who are on that island? How long will you put up with me?

**19.17 :**** Sam Carter**

As long as it takes, Sir. 

You're not that annoying. I could live with you. What about you, Sir? How long will you put up with me?

**19.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're OK, if there's no technology for you to babble about. I can live with that.  

Hey, fancy repopulating the island with me?

***

**20.59 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you said that you could erase the journal entries, right? So, lets just say, that I wanted to write something that I only wanted you to read, would you erase it before you send this to the shrink? 

**21.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. You know that you can trust me. If there's something that you didn't want anyone else to know, just let me know.  

**21.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good. 

Carter, to Hell with regulation. Marry me!

***

**20.59 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you said that you could erase the journal entries, right? So, lets just say, that I wanted to write something that I only wanted you to read, would you erase it before you send this to the shrink? 

**21.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. You know that you can trust me. If there's something that you didn't want anyone else to know, just let me know.  

**21.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good. 

Carter, lets release the 7 years worth of sexual tension. 

In the Gateroom. 

Now. 

***

**21.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Major Ewan came to my office right after dinner. He asked me for some advice regarding the whole CO-2IC relationship thingy.  He said that Hammond had recommended him to talk to me. And he's also arranged a session with the four of us. Me, you, Ewan and Perry.

He's joking, right? Me, giving advice on relationships? It's like asking an elephant for advice on how to fly.  

**21.02 :**** Sam Carter**

I only have one thing to say: Dumbo. 

***

**21.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You got that right. What's wrong with him lately? Did he bang his head on the wall? Because there's definitely a screw loose there. 

Or maybe he had an order from 'up there' to frustrate me. Why does everybody hate me so much?

**21.03 :**** Sam Carter**

Everybody hates you because you won't stay dead, Sir. Like Daniel. No matter how many times someone tries to kill you guys, you always end up alive. 

***

**21.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter. 

I don't know who taught you all this sarcasm, or how long have you been learning. I don't care. But please. This is neither the time nor the place. I'm irked. And there's nothing that irks me more than you throwing all that cynicism into my face. 

And you won't like me when I'm super irked.  

**21.04 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, I must point out that you're stealing 'The Hulk' line. You know, the 'You won't like me when I'm angry' line. It's so not original.

**21.04 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Bite me. 

**21.04 :**** Sam Carter**

I though you never ask. 

***

**His Office and Her Lab**

***

**14.18 :**** Sam Carter**

First of all, I would like to thank you for the small favour, Sir. It was so thoughtful of you. 

Secondly, you were lucky that the Palms have the 'vibrate' and 'silent' features on them. However, you might want to refrain from writing in the journal during briefings. Teal'c is giving you the 'look'. And I'm sure Daniel will soon realise that you haven't paid much attention to him. Don't forget General Hammond; he might confiscate your Palm if he found out that you are using it right now.  

And thirdly, please, stop playing footsie with me! I won't even ask how you can extend your leg that far, but my shin is hurting like Hell right now.

***

**14.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Pretty sharp there, Carter. For someone who insisted that we should answer the question **ourselves. **

And, Carter, what did I say about your sarcasm? You've been too witty for your own good lately. 

**14.23 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, Sir, what can I say? You've been a bad influence. 

And I can't do anything about my wit, Sir. I'm afraid you are just going to have to endure it. 

**14.24 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What have I done? I created a monster. 

***

**14.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, why do you always take all my fun away from me? I'm feeling bad now. 

**14.27 :**** Sam Carter**

Whoops. 

It wasn't my intention to make you feel bad, Sir. I'll come by your house and make it up to you tonight. I promise. 

**14.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You'll fix my Play Station for me?

**14.28 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, I will. 

***

**14.29 :**** Sam Carter**

Cassie is more responsible than that. You should have more faith in her. 

Besides, I could always ask for your help cleaning it if she decides to blow up my kitchen. 

**14.29 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm a Colonel, not your slave. 

**14.30 :**** Sam Carter**

You're not? 

***

**14.29 :**** Sam Carter**

Cassie is more responsible than that. You should have more faith in her. 

Besides, I could always ask for your help cleaning it if she decides to blow up my kitchen. 

**14.29 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm a Colonel, not your errand boy. 

**14.30 :**** Sam Carter**

You're not? 

***

**17.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I starting to hate the new you, you know.

**17.57 :**** Sam Carter**

The new me, Sir? What are you talking about?

**17.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

The totally evil Carter who is using this journal as an excuse to torment me. Why can't you just be that good little soldier who respects me?

**17.57 :**** Sam Carter**

What? And reduce my sentences into just 'Yes, Sir' and 'No, Sir'?

***

**18.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

O'Neill's first lesson in life: Don't waste any opportunity. 

That's why I kissed you when we were in the time-loop.

**18.37 :**** Sam Carter**

You KISSED me?

**18.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yup. In front of General Hammond too. 

**18.38 :**** Sam Carter**

You KISSED me in front of the GENERAL?

**18.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yup. 

**18.38 :**** Sam Carter**

You KISSED me in front of the GENERAL?

**18.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What part of 'Yup' don't you understand?

***

**18.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Okay, that's settles it then. 

We'll send them off-world on Monday. I'll take care of the basic supplies that they will bring with them, while you'll go and inform Ewan and Perry about this right now.

**18.38 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? Don't you like me anymore? 

It's a one-way ticket to the grave. They'll tear me apart if I told them about this 'plan'.

**18.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, do you realise that you were whining like a little girl?

Shoo.  Go do your job. 

**18.39 :**** Sam Carter**

Meanie. 

***

**23.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Someday, you'll be the death of me; you know that. I can picture it on my death certificate. 

Cause of death: The Evil Carter. 

***

**23.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Someday, you'll be the death of me; you know that. I can picture it on my death certificate. 

Cause of death: Major Samantha Carter, USAF. 

Description: The cause of death mention above gave the victim an internal frustration. The victim became so perturbed that he decided that living on Earth and living in Hell are not that much different. 

***

His Dog and Her Cat 

***

**10.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Good point. Silly me for forgetting something like that. 

But honestly, Sir, what's wrong with being an astrophysicist anyway?

**10.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

She'll be a mini-Carter. And that's a pretty scary thought. 

***

**10.12 :**** Sam Carter**

You are more afraid of Cassie than Janet? Does Janet know about this? You're a dead man walking, Sir. 

***

**13.26 :**** Sam Carter**

I never knew that talking about our pets could be this depressing. 

**13.26 :**** Jack O'Neill**

More depressing than talking about our love life (or the lack thereof)?

**13.27 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, you've got a good point there.

***

**14.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, Carter. Want to subject Daniel's to 'Scare Tactic'?

**14.51 :**** Sam Carter**

What has he done?

**14.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know, he had too much fun with his loss memory thingy. He kept using it as an excuse to refuse to help me. 'Sorry Jack, I can't remember that mission,' or 'I don't know what you're talking about,' and my favourite, 'Why don't you ask Sam?' 

I read somewhere that you could retrieve the loss memory by giving the patient a big shock; it was supposed to put everything back in its place. Is that true?

**14.52 :**** Sam Carter**

Haven't you read that it could cause a heart attack as well? Please refrain from scaring Daniel, Sir. I'll be right there.

***

**23.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, to be honest, neither do I. But with that damn Tok'ra on the base, I couldn't hang out in the mess hall. She'll try to talk, and persuade me to take SG-1 to help them. 

**23.47 :**** Sam Carter**

Permission to Zat her when that happen, Sir?

***

NOTE: Right, now I've shared my share of bloopers with you, I want to know if you guys have something like that as well. Make it as crazy as you can, make it as funny as you can, just do your best (or worse *g* ).  Send it to me through the reviews in fanfiction.net or drop me a line to my inbox: blue-topaz@lycos.com . And with your permission, I'll collect them all and share it with the others. 


	7. His PlayStation and Her Bike

His PlayStation and Her Bike 

by Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**Minor Spoilers for the episode: The Other Guy**

**Note: **Thanks for Aud who beta-read this. The hiatus is over, at least for now it is. Aren't you glad? ;) You asked for more, and you will get more. Enjoy the story. 

To Leanne: the journal is protected by password, thus it's a bit difficult for someone to impersonate them. Besides, it would be pain to explain. ;)****

***

**_Saturday, 12 July 2003_******

****

**08.32 : Sam Carter**

Coast is clear. 

You're free to leave Coburn's office, Sir. 

**08.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you certain?

**08.33 : Sam Carter**

Yes.

**08.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Positive?

**08.33 : Sam Carter**

100% sure

**08.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Sure sure?

**08.33 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I've checked the Gate's log. That annoying Tok'ra and SG-9 have already departed early this morning. Apparently, Major Ewan wouldn't take any chances on General Hammond changing his mind. And for once, he had no objections from Captain Perry. 

**08.34 : Jack O'Neill**

See, my plan works already. 

**08.34 : Sam Carter**

Actually, Sir, they might just act civilly in front of General Hammond to avoid further 'punishment'. Who knows what they'll do the moment they step out the Gate. 

**08.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, you're right.

You know what, scratch that. I **hope **you are right. Imagine the havoc those two could cause in the Tok'ra headquarters. 

Man, now I wish I was there. 

No, wait! I **wish I had a word with the rest of SG-9. **

There, much better. 

**08.34 : Sam Carter**

Well, they'll be a bit busy to have time to argue, Colonel. Moving out is a big job and it can be a nightmare too. I still remember when I had to move from DC to Colorado. Lets just say that breaking the laws of physics is a much easier task to do. 

**08.35 : Jack O'Neill**

I guess I can see your point.

Hey, are you in the mess hall right now?

**08.35 : Sam Carter**

Yes.

**08.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Save me some fruit loops, I'll be there in ten minutes. I'm just going to my quarters first and freshen up a bit. 

**08.35 : Sam Carter**

Will do. 

***

**14.55 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, what's your plan for this weekend? 

**14.55 : Sam Carter**

I've had to finish the experiments in my lab, Sir. All of them should be done today, so I can spend my Sunday having a ride around town on my bike. 

**14.56 : Jack O'Neill**

THE bike?

**14.56 : Sam Carter**

Yes, THE bike. 

**14.56 : Jack O'Neill**

THE big cool shiny black bike that you had Siler fix for you?

**14.56 : Sam Carter**

That's the one. 

And no, Sir, you cannot borrow him. 

**14.56 : Jack O'Neill**

What makes you think that I'll borrow your bike?

**14.56 : Sam Carter**

The glint in your eyes when you first saw him was a dead give away, Colonel. You were practically licking your lips like a hungry cat that hadn't seen a bird in a long, long, long time. Why do you think I increased the security around my garage?

**14.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Garage? By garage, you mean one of the storage rooms on Level 6 that you turned into your 'private' garage?

And Carter, if you want to compare me with something, the least you could do is compare me with more manly animals (like a lion or a dragon), not some spoilt little creature, like a cat. 

**14.57 : Sam Carter**

Yes, I meant that garage. 

Sir, I like cats.  They are not spoilt little creatures; they're intelligent, noble, and cute animals.  I like cute things. 

PS: A dragon is not an animal, Sir; it's mythical creature. 

And for the record, Colonel, I think you're cute. 

**14.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Major, how many times have I told you that I forbid you to say that I'm cute? That is so uncool.  

PS: A dragon **is** an animal, Major. Haven't you heard anything about the Komodo Dragon? It's real, not mythical. 

**14.57 : Sam Carter**

But Sir, I'm not saying, I'm typing. 

PS: My apologies, Sir. But if you want me to compare you with a reptile, who am I to protest? 

**14.58 : Jack O'Neill**

You know, that reason is getting old. 

OK, I forbid you to say AND type that I am cute.

There!

PS: As long as you don't think that a reptile is cute, you have no objections from me. 

**14.58 : Sam Carter**

No saying and typing that you are cute. Got it.

PS: You were that desperate, Sir? 

**14.58 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter! You're doing it again. 

PS: I'm not desperate. I just want to drop this whole 'cute' subject. It gives me a creep. 

**14.58 : Sam Carter**

Sorry, Sir. Definitely no more mentioning the fact that you are cute. 

PS: A creep?

**14.58 : Jack O'Neill**

Major!

**14.58 : Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir?

**14.58 : Jack O'Neill**

Forget it. 

I'm tired arguing like this. I should have known that I wouldn't get anywhere. 

**14.58 : Sam Carter**

Aye, Sir. I can't remember a thing already. 

**14.58 : Jack O'Neill**

You should learn to respect your elders more, you know that?

**14.58 : Sam Carter**

What do you mean, Sir? I am respectful to anyone who deserves it.

**14.59 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you saying that I don't deserve your respect?

**14.59 : Sam Carter**

Don't be ridiculous, Sir. Of course I respect you. 

**14.59 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh yeah? I suppose that's why you've been making fun of me. 

**14.59 : Sam Carter**

I'm making fun of you? Since when?

**14.59 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter!

**14.59 : Sam Carter**

Sorry, Sir. I couldn't resist it. 

**14.59 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll forgive you, as long as you allow me to ride your bike. 

**14.59 : Sam Carter**

Between my bike and your forgiveness, I'm afraid that I must choose my bike.

Nice try though, Sir. 

**15.00 : Jack O'Neill**

Damn it!

Oh well, can't blame a guy for trying, can I?

**15.00 : Sam Carter**

It's nothing personal. I can't let anyone else ride him, Sir. Not even you. Sorry. 

**15.00 : Jack O'Neill**

Selfish. 

**15.00 : Sam Carter**

You don't let anyone else play on your PlayStation either, Sir.

**15.00 : Jack O'Neill**

It's different. 

**15.00 : Sam Carter**

How is it different?

**15.00 : Jack O'Neill**

Any name other than mine in the top score list is not acceptable. 

**15.00 : Sam Carter**

That just proves my point. 

**15.00 : Jack O'Neill**

What point?

**15.00 : Sam Carter**

Never mind. I have to go, Sir. Someone had just entered my lab. I'll talk to you later. 

**15.01 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter? What point?

**15.06 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter? Are you there?

***

**15.46 : Sam Carter**

Sorry, Sir. But Dr. Felger had just come by my lab and was asking for some advice about a project that he was working on. 

**15.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Felger? The geek who disobeyed my direct orders, TWICE? 

**15.46 : Sam Carter**

That's him. 

**15.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, do me a favour. 

Don't encourage him. 

**15.47 : Sam Carter**

Don't encourage him to do what?

**15.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't play the innocent with me, Major. You know very well what I'm talking about.  I could've sworn that he had the worst case of hero-worship I've ever encountered. 

**15.47 : Sam Carter**

I think you are just peeved because he laid a hand on your dear PlayStation, Sir. 

**15.47 : Jack O'Neill**

It's not true. 

You, Daniel and Teal'c touched it too, but I don't have anything against you guys. 

**15.47 : Sam Carter**

Yes, but we didn't drop it to the floor and break it. 

Besides, how can you peeved at me? It was my hands that fixed the Playstation for you. 

**15.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, yes, genius. You don't have to rub that fact into my face. I remember it perfectly. Every time I turn it on, the screen says 'Welcome to Colonel Jonathan O'Neill's PlayStation. Proudly fixed by Major Samantha Carter' for about five seconds. You need a hobby, you know that. 

BTW, what if one of us got promoted (or demoted)? 

**15.48 : Sam Carter**

I have a hobby, Sir. Riding my bike and dismantling alien technology. 

Besides, its called taking pride in my work. 

If one of us got promoted (or demoted), I could always make an adjustment. 

**15.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, yeah, whatever. 

Hey, can I write something on your bike then? 

**15.48 : Sam Carter**

Don't even think about it. 

**15.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Can I slap a sticker on it, then?

**15.48 : Sam Carter**

Depends on what the sticker is, Sir. 

**15.48 : Jack O'Neill**

SG-1's insignia. It'll look cool, I promise. 

**15.48 : Sam Carter**

Well, that is acceptable. Although if someone asked what SG-1 is, I really don't know what to say. I need to think about it, Sir. 

**15.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh come on! We could always make up something. Say that it was your secret society that you joined back in high school. No one would suspect anything. Or say that it stands for Sam's Gadget #1. 

**15.49 : Sam Carter**

Sam's Gadget #1? How did you come up with this, Sir?

**15.49 : Jack O'Neill**

That's for me to know and for you to find out. 

**15.49 : Sam Carter**

Alright. I guess having a SG-1 sticker on my bike would look 'cool' after all. 

Are you sure that we didn't break any rules, Sir? The SGC and everything that related to it is top secret after all.

**15.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, you know me and rules. 

**15.49 : Sam Carter**

Yeah, how I wish I don't though. 

**15.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Now that's sorted, can we talk about something else? Like when will we get the results from the shrink?

**15.49 : Sam Carter**

The shrink will received the edited version on Monday, Sir. If everything goes to plan, we'll have the results by Friday or by next Monday.  

**15.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you going to send it to one shrink only?

**15.49 : Sam Carter**

Sir?

**15.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, I mean to avoid any foul play. Don't you think we should get a second or third opinion? 

**15.50 : Sam Carter**

Good point. But this is only a test; I think we could afford 'foul play'. Besides, the only ones that would read the results are just General Hammond and myself. 

**15.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Excuse me? You and Hammond?

What about me?

**15.50 : Sam Carter**

Er, to be honest, Sir, we (the General and I) think that it will depend on what the shrink said. We know how strongly you feel about shrinks, so we couldn't risk you having a go at the shrink (if the results didn't please you). And yes Sir, we know that you could get his/her name even though we didn't tell you. You are a very resourceful individual. 

**15.50 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm glad to see that the two of you have such faith in me. 

**15.50 : Sam Carter**

Anyway Sir, I have to go and do my job. I want to take care of everything so that I won't have to come to the SGC tomorrow. 

**15.50 : Jack O'Neill**

OK. You have fun doing your job. 

**15.50 : Sam Carter**

I will. Thanks. 

***

**20.07 : Sam Carter**

Sir, Daniel was just questioning me during dinner. He was concerned about you. He said that you were spending too much time with your Palm. You seem to be neglecting your GameBoy, PlayStation and yo-yo lately. 

**20.08 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, it was your fault. 

You installed some cool games in the Palm.

**20.08 : Sam Carter**

It was only Solitaire, Minesweepers and PinBall. 

**20.08 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, it's addictive. 

**20.08 : Sam Carter**

Anyway Sir, I just want to let you know that you had better be a little discreet with it. Or else, the others will find out about this journal. And I'm quite sure that you didn't want **that** to happen. 

I told Daniel that I did you a favour and made the Palm a lot more interesting than just a normal one. And I also told him that this is just a phase; you will come out of it, eventually. 

**20.08 : Jack O'Neill**

Phase? Don't you think I'm a bit too old to go through a phase? 

**20.08 : Sam Carter**

Well, to be honest ... no. 

Anyway, if you can bring the Palm to my lab now, I'll do some upgrades and install some more programs on it, so that if Daniel decides to play detective, he'll find nothing suspicious. 

**20.09 : Jack O'Neill**

This upgrading thingy won't erase the memory inside the Palm, will it?

**20.09 : Sam Carter**

Don't worry, Colonel. All the high scores that you have so far won't be erased. I'm not that cruel. 

**20.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Sure you're not that cruel. You're a lot more than cruel - you're sadistic. 

**20.09 : Sam Carter**

Thank you. You think too highly about me, Sir.  

**20.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, that's not a compliment. 

**20.09 : Sam Carter**

It's not? Oh well, I'll take it as one anyway. 

**20.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Someday, Major, someday, I'll make you speechless. Just watch it. 

**20.09 : Sam Carter**

I'll be waiting. 

**20.10 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm coming to your lab now. 

***

**23.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, where are you?

**23.35 : Sam Carter**

My house, Sir. I'm just preparing to go to sleep. My bike and I have a big day tomorrow. What about you, what are you going to do tomorrow?

**23.35 : Jack O'Neill**

I don't know, maybe I'll just go harassing Daniel. 

**23.35 : Sam Carter**

Sir? 

**23.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Daniel is being too nosey for his own good. 

**23.35 : Sam Carter**

What has he done now?

**23.35 : Jack O'Neill**

He wanted to borrow my Palm, saying that he didn't understand why I spend so much time with it. 

**23.35 : Sam Carter**

Ah. And did you lend it to him?

**23.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, for about ten minutes. But afterwards, I made him promise not to play any games on it. 

**23.36 : Sam Carter**

What about the journal?

**23.36 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't worry. I wasn't logged in at that moment, and I'm pretty sure that Daniel doesn't know the password. 

**23.36 : Sam Carter**

And what did Daniel say after that?

**23.36 : Jack O'Neill**

He asked me where I got it. So I said that you gave it to me, as it was a prototype of a communication device that all SG-team members will soon have. 

**23.36 : Sam Carter**

And he believed you?

**23.36 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, he said he did, but I know better. He knew something was up. Like I said, he is too nosey for his own good. 

I wonder if we could lock him in a closet with the Doc. That ought to teach him a lesson. 

**23.36 : Sam Carter**

Are you sure you want to face the wrath of Janet, Sir?

**23.37 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, she wouldn't know who did it, would she? And you better not turn into a traitor this time, Major. 

**23.36 : Sam Carter**

I don't have to. There's only a handful of people who dare to do that to her. And I'm pretty sure that your name is at the top of the list. 

**23.37 : Jack O'Neill**

I could make it look like an accident. 

**23.37 : Sam Carter**

No offence, Sir, but even if Daniel didn't realise it was your doing, Janet would see through it. She has a third eye for things like this, being a parent **and** a Doctor. 

**23.37 : Jack O'Neill**

You're right. I have to have a partner in crime. Someone who would give me an alibi and it has to be someone trustworthy. Someone Janet trusts. 

**23.37 : Sam Carter**

Er, Sir, I was trying to put you off, not giving you an advice. 

**23.37 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't worry, Carter, even if I do get caught, your name won't came up. 

**23.37 : Sam Carter**

Sir, that's not what I meant. 

**23.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Whatever. Hey, can you think of someone who will fit the criteria? Ferretti is definitely not an option; Janet doesn't trust him, any more than she trusts me. Teal'c, well, it's going to be a pain to explain this to him, and I'm quite sure that he will deliberately screw it up somehow. But being the devious alien that he is, he will pretend to know nothing about it. Coburn is off-world, I couldn't ask him. 

Any suggestions?

**23.38 : Sam Carter**

No way, I'm not going to be involved in this. You can forget about it. 

**23.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Come on, Carter. Why can't you just do this one tiny weenie little favour for me?

**23.38 : Sam Carter**

Janet's wrath is not worth it. Sorry Sir, but you're all alone in this. 

**23.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you better help me, or your bike will suffer the consequences. 

**23.38 : Sam Carter**

Hey, leave my bike out of this. 

**23.38 : Jack O'Neill**

You said it yourself; I'm a very resourceful individual. What makes you think that I couldn't do my best and get my hand on your precious bike?

**23.38 : Sam Carter**

Colonel, you wouldn't dare!

**23.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Wouldn't I?

**23.39 : Sam Carter**

Colonel O'Neill, please, this is so unfair. 

**23.39 : Jack O'Neill**

More unfair than you making fun of my life?

**23.39 : Sam Carter**

But I never use blackmail against you.

**23.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Not all blackmail has to be said aloud. 

**23.39 : Sam Carter**

Sir? Don't make me choose between my bike and Janet. You wouldn't if you had to choose between Daniel and your GameBoy as well. 

**23.39 : Jack O'Neill**

What are you talking about? Of course I choose my GameBoy. Daniel can take care of himself. As can Janet. 

**23.39 : Sam Carter**

Fine, fine. I'll help you. 

Ask Dr. Felger, he would do anything for you. 

**23.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter. Anyone but him. 

I don't want to owe him anything. 

**23.40 : Sam Carter**

Siler then. Janet has a soft spot for him, he is a regular visitor to the infirmary and unlike you, Sir, he is not a difficult patient. 

**23.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Good choice. Thanks Carter. 

Are you sure that you don't want to take credit on this? I'll pull it off with class, I promise. 

**23.40 : Sam Carter**

I pass, Sir. 

And please, be gentle with Daniel; he has just got his memory back. 

**23.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't worry. I won't overdo things, much. 

**23.40 : Sam Carter**

I'll deny all knowledge about this scheme of yours. 

**23.40 : Jack O'Neill**

You do that. 

**23.40 : Sam Carter**

And remember, no credit whatsoever. 

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

No worries. Have a great Sunday, Carter.

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

Thanks Sir, and try not to have too much fun with Daniel and Janet. 

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll try, but I'm not promising anything. 

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

Oh yeah, I'm going out for the whole day tomorrow, and I won't bring my Palm with me, thus no journal. But I'll have my cell phone and beeper with me, just in case. 

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

OK, you have fun with your bike, I'll have fun with Daniel. 

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

Night, Sir.

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

Goodnight, Carter. Sleep well.

***

**Note:** So, because SG-9 is off-world, I need to think of a new storyline. And Daniel is just right over there, I hope you don't mind. The next will be 'His Plan and Her Project', Sam was a little bit worry. 

PS: I'm still waiting for your bloopers, people. :) Some people already send theirs (I love you guys), so there's no reason why you shouldn't. 


	8. His Plan and Her Project

**His Plan and Her Project**

By Blue Topaz

**Note: **Thanks to Rosemary who beta-read this. Also to all of those wonderful reviewers. I was a bit weary that most of the readers already forgot about this fic already, seeing I haven't uploaded for a while. And special thanks for those people who tried their hand at the bloopers. They were wonderful (although I *might* have to put R/NC-17 as the rating ;) ) On with the story ...

PS: Thanks for those who had pointed our where the typo is. My beta and I are only human. Sorry for the inconvenient though. If you find another typo, please let me know, I'll fix it as soon as I can. 

***

**_Sunday, 13 July 2003_******

****

**23.10: Sam Carter**

Sir? Are you still alive?

How did the plan go?

Did you asked for Siler's help?

Did Janet find out?

Is Daniel alright?

**23.11: Jack O'Neill**

Oh, hello Carter. 

Nice to hear from you too. How are you?

How's the ride?

**23.11: Sam Carter**

I'm fine. Great in fact. The ride was perfect; I had such a good time. 

Now I've answered your questions, it's your turn to answer mine. 

**23.11: Jack O'Neill**

Bossy. 

And don't worry. Daniel is fine, Janet didn't find out and Siler had nothing to do with it. And oh yeah, I'm still very much alive. 

**23.11: Sam Carter**

So? What happened?

**23.11: Jack O'Neill**

Nothing. 

**23.11: Sam Carter**

Sir, please. You cannot expect me to let it go just like that. So, please do tell. 

**23.11: Jack O'Neill**

No Carter, you don't get it. Nothing happened. I figured that Daniel had just bothered me and he knew it. If I took any action today, he would know that it was me, with or without evidence. So, I decided to lay low for a few days and then when he least expects it, I'll strike. 

**23.12: Sam Carter**

Good thinking. 

**23.12: Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, besides I need your help after all. Janet trusts you, a lot. Better you than Siler. Easier too. 

It should be a walk in the park. 

**23.12: Sam Carter**

I've said it before and I'll say it again. 

No, I will not help you. 

**23.12: Jack O'Neill**

Carter, your bike is still not safe, you know. 

**23.12: Sam Carter**

Well Sir, you can't blackmail me with that, you already did that yesterday.

**23.12: Jack O'Neill**

So?

**23.12: Sam Carter**

You can't use the bike to threaten me again. You already used it once. 

**23.12: Jack O'Neill**

So?

**23.12: Sam Carter**

Fine, if that's how you want to play it, then I won't fix any of your toys anymore if they got broken. 

**23.12: Jack O'Neill**

You can't do that. If I have nothing to occupy me then I'll bother you. See, your threat will only backfire. 

**23.13: Sam Carter**

Damn it. 

I never thought if that. 

**23.13: Jack O'Neill**

Well, you should. 

Anyway, I'll tell you more about my plan when I finish plotting it. 

**23.13: Sam Carter**

Sir, I'm not going to help you. 

**23.13: Jack O'Neill**

Sure, you're not. 

**23.13: Sam Carter**

I mean it. 

**23.13: Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, yeah. You can say what you want, but when the time comes, you'll be by my side, helping me with this plan. 

**23.13: Sam Carter**

Colonel, don't you know the meaning of the word 'no'?

**23.13: Jack O'Neill**

Of course I do, but not if it come out from you. I'm going to sleep. 

Goodnight Carter. See you tomorrow.

**23.13: Sam Carter**

Colonel O'Neill, Sir, please. I said 'no'.

**23.13: Jack O'Neill**

Night night. 

**23.13: Sam Carter**

Colonel! I'm not going to help you with this.

**23.14: Jack O'Neill**

Don't let the bugs bite. 

**23.14: Sam Carter**

Sir! I'm serious. You're on your own. 

**23.14: Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you'll leave this poor Colonel alone? How could you? You're not that mean, are you?

See you tomorrow. 

Sweet dreams.

**23.14: Sam Carter**

'Poor Colonel'? Are you kidding me?

**23.17: Sam Carter**

Sir? Are you there? 

**23.19: Sam Carter**

Damn it Colonel. You're not getting away with this; I'll talk to you tomorrow. 

***

**_Monday, 14 July 2003_****__**

****

**05.38: Jack O'Neill**

Rise and shine. 

And how are you this morning, Ms. Carter?

**05.39: Sam Carter**

Ms. Carter? No offence but, are you drunk? 

Isn't it too early in the morning to start drinking? And don't forget that we have a briefing at 09.00. 

**05.39: Jack O'Neill**

No, I'm not drunk.   I'm just in a very good mood. 

**05.39: Sam Carter**

Should I be afraid, Sir?

**05.39: Jack O'Neill**

You should. 

**05.39: Sam Carter**

Alright. I'm not going to ask why you're in such a good mood then. 

**05.39: Jack O'Neill**

You do that. See you in the briefing, Major. 

**05.39: Sam Carter**

You just called me with this journal to say that you're in a very good mood?

**05.40: Jack O'Neill**

Yes. Anything wrong with that?

**05.40: Sam Carter**

Nothing. See you, Sir. 

***

**13.59: Jack O'Neill**

Boring. 

**14.03: Jack O'Neill**

Carter, respond. 

**14.06: Jack O'Neill**

Major?

**14.07: Sam Carter**

Sir, I'm up for presentation in about twenty minutes. Can you please leave me alone? 

**14.07: Jack O'Neill**

Just answer this one question. Why am I here? 

**14.07: Sam Carter**

To know the progress that we have made so far, to be the General's representative, to pass some time, to lend me a moral support? I don't know. Pick one. 

**14.07: Jack O'Neill**

Touché. 

**14.07: Sam Carter**

Sorry, Sir. But I'm just a bit nervous. 

**14.07: Jack O'Neill**

You? Nervous? Come on. 

**14.07: Sam Carter**

Sir, every project that I've done in my lab costs a considerable amount of money. If I can't convince them that I am able to juggle my responsibility as a member as SG-1 and my commitment to these projects, I'm doomed. 

**14.07: Jack O'Neill**

Take a deep breath, Carter. 

**14.07: Sam Carter**

How dare they! They didn't even give me a warning. 

**14.08: Jack O'Neill**

Calm down, Carter. It's not only you that they're after; every scientist that works here has to do this. 

Besides, that's the whole point, isn't it? To catch all of the eggheads off-guard.

**14.08: Sam Carter**

I'm sorry for blowing up like that, Colonel. But to tell you the truth, I'm worried. 

**14.08: Jack O'Neill**

And why is that? It's not that they're going to fire you. Who's going to save our butts next time the snakeheads attack us?

**14.08: Sam Carter**

Sir, I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about them telling me to choose between SG-1 and my projects. 

**14.08: Jack O'Neill**

I'm not going to let them do that. Hammond won't either. 

**14.08: Sam Carter**

But these men are not from the SGC, they won't listen to you or to the General. They don't know how important SG-1 is. They'll report straight back to the President. What if they decide that I'm not doing the job that I was paid to do? 

They know what I can do. And we both know that developing the alien technology that we have so far to defend Earth from the Goa'uld is the main priority. So...

**14.08: Jack O'Neill**

Hey, the President likes me. Don't you worry; I'll put in a good word for you. 

Now, smile! And don't frown like that; we're not in an imminent danger. We don't want you to have wrinkles so soon now, do we?

You'll do great. You'll impress those two men in black in record time so that they will recommend your promotion to the good ol' Prez. And when they do that, we'll make sure that your spot in SG-1 is not an option. It is a must. 

**14.08: Sam Carter**

Men in Black? Good ol' Prez?

Are you sure you're not drunk, Sir?

**14.09: Jack O'Neill**

There you go. Nice smile, Major. But don't smile like that to any hot-blooded male; it could give you some troubles. And we don't want that, do we? But I know you can kick their butts, and if that ever happens, please let me know, I want to see it. 

What's wrong with men in black? Those two Pentagon guys who assessed you wore identical black suits and sunglasses, and they are after aliens (sort of, indirectly anyway). 

Me and the Prez go way, way, way back. We chat regularly on the phone. 

Besides, this is only a ten minutes presentation, right? What could go wrong?

**14.09: Sam Carter**

Thank you, Sir. 

For cheering me up and calming me down, I mean. 

**14.09: Jack O'Neill**

No problem. I am famous of my calming effect on other people. 

So, tell me why I am here again? 

**14.09: Sam Carter**

I choose not to respond to your claim, Sir. 

Well, the General wants you to make sure that those 'men in black' follow the rules; you are here to observe the assessment procedure. 

**14.09: Jack O'Neill**

Oh, babysitting you mean?

**14.09: Sam Carter**

Well, yeah. 

**14.10: Jack O'Neill**

And your moral support as well?

**14.10: Sam Carter**

If you don't mind, Colonel, I would very much like that. 

**14.10: Jack O'Neill**

Hey, that's what superior officer is for. 

So, what are you going to talk about to these fine gentlemen?

**14.10: Sam Carter**

My current projects I suppose. That's what they wanted us to do anyway. 

**14.10: Jack O'Neill**

What happen of you fail this evaluation? 

**14.10: Sam Carter**

I honestly don't know. You could get a warning, or you could get sack straight away. It depends on how productive you are, I suppose.  

**14.10: Jack O'Neill**

That will explain those long faces in this room. 

So, why are they doing this again?

**14.10: Sam Carter**

To see if all the money that have been put into their project are really paying off. 

**14.10: Jack O'Neill**

How much is that exactly?

**14.10: Sam Carter**

I know my budget, but I'm not sure about the others.

**14.11: Jack O'Neill**

How much is your budget?

**14.11: Sam Carter**

A lot. 

**14.11: Jack O'Neill**

You're not going to tell me, are you?

**14.11: Sam Carter**

I can't divulge that information. Sorry. 

**14.11: Jack O'Neill**

Nah, it's OK. I'm just curious, that's all. 

**14.11: Sam Carter**

I'm going to do a last minute reading now; I'll talk to you again after the presentation. 

**14.11: Jack O'Neill**

You'll be alright, Carter. 

**14.12: Sam Carter**

Thanks, Sir. 

***

**14.51: Jack O'Neill**

See, I told you that you would do great. You amazed them. 

**14.51: Sam Carter**

You didn't understand a word that I was saying up there, do you, Sir?

**14.51: Jack O'Neill**

Yes, and that's the indication that you were doing great. 

**14.51: Sam Carter**

Thanks, I think. 

**14.52: Jack O'Neill**

Carter, what did I said about your smile? This is a room full of Carter's fan club, don't do it too often. 

**14.52: Sam Carter**

You're the one who made me smile. 

PS: Carter's fan club?

**14.52: Jack O'Neill**

I'm starting to regret it. 

PS: Yes. Didn't you know that most of the geeks here have a thing for you? And I don't mean your brain, I mean 'you', in flesh and blood. 

**14.52: Sam Carter**

Really? You prefer me frowning than smiling?

PS: Really?

**14.52: Jack O'Neill**

Well, maybe not. But don't do it in a room full of your admirers. It'll only encourage them more. 

PS: Yes, so stop smiling already. You could give us away. 

**14.52: Sam Carter**

OK Boss. 

PS: I'll try. But I don't think I could give us away, I could always say that someone sent a very amusing email through my Palm. 

**14.52: Jack O'Neill**

And who will you say sent this email?

**14.52: Sam Carter**

You, of course.

**14.53: Jack O'Neill**

I see that you have your spirit back. Well done. 

We should concentrate more on this assessment process.

**14.53: Sam Carter**

I think you're right. 

**14.53: Jack O'Neill**

We'll talk again once this is finished. It's starting to get difficult to hide this Palm from the others. 

**14.53: Sam Carter**

OK. 

***

**19.44: Jack O'Neill**

Man, I'm so tired. I never knew that assessments could last this long. All you guys do is just talk and talk and talk and talk. But how can this feel tiring just to hear you talk?

**19.44: Sam Carter**

Maybe because you've heard us for a total amount of almost six hours, Sir. 

**19.44: Jack O'Neill**

Six hours? 

How did I manage to sit there for six hours doing nothing but listening to some geeks talking? 

**19.45: Sam Carter**

Actually, Sir, you were having fun at their expense.

And don't bother denying it; I know that you were enjoying their nervousness. 

**19.45: Jack O'Neill**

Maybe I was. 

But it still didn't explain the tiredness part. 

**19.45: Sam Carter**

You were trying your best not to laugh or snicker, Sir. That took a lot of effort. And that is so considerate of you, Sir. 

**19.45: Jack O'Neill**

I guess you're right. 

Hey, I saw one of the men in black talk to you after we finished, what did he want?

**19.45: Sam Carter**

Dr. Jenkins had been asking me about the naquadria. He's been studying it for a while now. 

**19.45: Jack O'Neill**

That's it?

**19.45: Sam Carter**

That and he was wondering if he could buy me a drink afterwards. 

**19.45: Jack O'Neill**

Oh, and what did you say?

**19.45: Sam Carter**

I said thanks but no thanks. To be completely honest, Sir, he's not my type. 

**19.45: Jack O'Neill**

Really? What's your type anyway?

**19.46: Sam Carter**

The perfect gentleman who has the combination of good qualities of Daniel, Teal'c and you. With a pinch of General Hammond's charm. That ought to do it. 

**19.46: Jack O'Neill**

In other word, the extinct type, the one that you could only find in cheesy romance novels, Carter?

**19.46: Sam Carter**

That's one way to put it. 

**19.46: Jack O'Neill**

Your standard is too high; you know that, don't you? 

**19.46: Sam Carter**

Well, a girl could dream, right? Is not like I'm going to find Mr. Right anytime soon. Might as well set a ridiculously high standard. 

What about you, Sir? What's your type of woman?

**19.46: Jack O'Neill**

I'm not too picky like you. For me, as long as she appreciates my sense of humour, loves the Simpson's, doesn't mind my working on a highly classified project, understands my sarcasm, realises that I wouldn't put her above my team, puts up with my bad moods, and doesn't ask questions about my past, that should do it. 

**19.47: Sam Carter**

In other words, the 'too good to be true' type, the one that could only exist in your dreams, Sir?

**19.47: Jack O'Neill**

Yup, that's the one. 

**19.47: Sam Carter**

We're hopeless. 

**19.47: Jack O'Neill**

Oh well, what's new?

**19.47: Sam Carter**

Enough about this, I need something to eat. Want to join me in the mess hall, Sir?

**19.47: Jack O'Neill**

Are you sure about the mess hall? I think it's full already. Most of the geeks were there last time I check. I guess all the presentation makes them hungry too. 

**19.47: Sam Carter**

Oh please, Sir. This is me you're talking too. You always pull rank to get a table there. 

**19.48: Jack O'Neill**

Good point. I'll see you there in ten minutes. 

**19.48: Sam Carter**

See you there. 

***

**23.49: Jack O'Neill**

Oy, Carter. I just realise something. Why Daniel wasn't getting assessed today?

**23.50: Sam Carter**

Well, today is for the science department. His is in archaeology; I don't know when his version of the men in black would come. 

**23.50: Jack O'Neill**

Oh. OK.

**23.50: Sam Carter**

Why the sudden interest?

**23.50: Jack O'Neill**

Well, I figure that maybe aggravating Janet in order to get back at Daniel would be a little bit of overkill. 

**23.50: Sam Carter**

I'm glad that you finally have some sense, Sir. 

**23.50: Jack O'Neill**

Shut it, Major. I'm thinking here. 

**23.50: Sam Carter**

Shutting up now. Good luck with the new plan. 

**23.50: Jack O'Neill**

You realise that you have to help me with this, don't you?

**23.50: Sam Carter**

Just let me know what the plan is first, Sir. Then I **might** volunteer to help you. 

**23.51: Jack O'Neill**

Remember your bike, Carter. 

**23.51: Sam Carter**

OK, OK. I'll help you. Jeez, I never thought that my bike would be this much of a burden.  Should've bought a scooter instead. 

It's cheaper too. 

And easier to maintain as well. 

Damn, I bought the wrong motorbike. 

**23.51: Jack O'Neill**

O'Neill's second lesson in life: Know thy enemy. 

**23.51: Sam Carter**

You treat me as your enemy? That hurt, Sir. 

**23.51: Jack O'Neill**

Oh, cut the melodrama.  What makes you think that I'm going to fall for that? 

**23.51: Sam Carter**

Damn. That obvious, huh? 

**23.51: Jack O'Neill**

Anyway, I'm going to start plotting this new plan. Daniel will get what he's been asking for. 

**23.51: Sam Carter**

I'll leave you to it, Sir. But may I remind you that Daniel is our friend, and please take into consideration what a hassle it was to look for his replacement when he was ascended. 

**23.51: Jack O'Neill**

Your concern is noted, Major. 

**23.51: Sam Carter**

OK then, I'm going to bed now. I have a long day today. 

See you tomorrow. 

And be gentle with Daniel. 

**23.52: Jack O'Neill**

Good night, Carter. Sleep well. 

**23.52: Sam Carter**

Back at you, Sir.

***

**Note:** The next one will be 'His Cabin and Her Cactus', can't really say a lot about this one, as I'm only less than a half-way through. But hopefully it won't take me that long to finish it. Reviews, feedbacks and bloopers are very much appreciated. ;)


	9. His Cabin and Her Cactus

**His Cabin and Her Cactus**

By Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**Spoiler**: 'Small Victories'.

**Note:** OK, so the title is getting more ridiculous by each passing chapter, but hey, I'm desperate *g*. Anyway, thanks for everyone who review and telling me that I made a typo (Zoe6 and Mara.Jade6). Note to self: do not post two fics in the same days, they're giving me a big honking headache and that resulted in lots of mistakes (hopefully, I've fixed all of them). And thanks again to Aud who beta-read this. You go girl. 

To Maria: they're no more questions from the shrink because the original test was supposed to last for 5 days. They're waiting for the result now (which I'm not sure what to write yet ;) )

To Sara Grissom: Really? There's a format regulation? I didn't know that. And I hope this fic didn't violate them 

Anyway, on with the story ...

***

**_Tuesday, 15 July 2003 _**

****

**05.40 : Sam Carter**

Good morning, Sir. 

**05.43 : Jack O'Neill**

Morning, Carter. What's up?

**05.43 : Sam Carter**

Nothing's up. I just want to tell you that I'm coming in late today. I have something to take care of. I'll call the General later on, but I just want you to know too, in case you were looking for me. 

**05.43 : Jack O'Neill**

What is it? Nothing too serious, I hope. 

**05.44 : Sam Carter**

No. It's just that Newton doesn't look good.  I'm going to take him to the Botanic Centre today, to see if they can help him. 

**05.44 : Jack O'Neill**

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Newton the name you gave to the cactus that I gave you last year? 

**05.44 : Sam Carter**

Yes, that's him.

**05.44 : Jack O'Neill**

And again, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't cacti the easiest plants to take care of? That's why I got it for you in the first place, seeing as we spend a lot of our time off-world. 

**05.44 : Sam Carter**

Yes, you are correct. 

**05.44 : Jack O'Neill**

And just one more thing, you have bunch of other plants that need special care for them to stay alive, don't you? Like bonsai or something like that. 

**05.44 : Sam Carter**

Yes, I have.  

**05.44 : Jack O'Neill**

So, how come out of all those plants that you have, it is the cactus that has a problem? Do you have some personal grudge against me and you're taking it out on my gift? 

**05.45 : Sam Carter**

Don't know. My best guess is that I think he was mad at me because I kept ignoring him. 

And no Sir, I don't have any grudge against you. At least, not now. 

**05.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Excuse me?

**05.45 : Sam Carter**

Well, because all the others need special attention, I spent quite a lot of time with them. And, because Newton only needs watering every two or three days, he was jealous of the others. 

**05.45 : Jack O'Neill**

You're making fun of me, aren't you? I know the whole deal about the 'talking to your plants' thing, but this is taking it too far, even for you. 

**05.45 : Sam Carter**

Not too subtle, huh? I guess I need more practice in that area.

**05.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter!

**05.45 : Sam Carter**

Sorry, Sir. But I honestly don't know what's wrong with him, that's why I need an expert's help. Hopefully, he hasn't caught a disease. 

**05.45 : Jack O'Neill**

I see. You take good care of him. I think the SGC could afford to let you come in late for work today. 

**05.45 : Sam Carter**

Thanks, Sir. 

**05.45 : Jack O'Neill**

You're welcome. 

***

**11.08 : Sam Carter**

Sir, what's all the fuss about? I came in here and to be honest, I haven't seen the SGC in such a good mood in ... well, a long time. People are smiling, for no good reason, and it's started to scare me a little bit. 

**11.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, nothing important really. But rumours have said that because of the good jobs we've been doing, a raise is in order. Prez's order. 

How's Newie, by the way?

**11.09 : Sam Carter**

Really? 

Newie? That's an awful nickname, if you don't mind me saying. I'm not sure about Newton, but hopefully Dr. Spencer could do something about him. She said that she needs to have him in observation for at least a week. 

**11.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Hammond hasn't said a word just yet, but you know how people get excited just hearing this kind of gossip.  

Sorry to hear about your cactus. 

What's wrong with Newie? 

**11.09 : Sam Carter**

And it doesn't excite you? 

I'm sure Newton will be OK, Sir. Dr. Spencer is very good at what she does. 

And as I said before, Newie is an awful nickname. 

**11.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, I would prefer downtime. A chance to put my feet up for a while, the whole saving the world thing is tiring. 

Would you rather me call him Spike?

**11.09 : Sam Carter**

You just want more time to fish, don't you?

No, thank you. Newie is fine. 

**11.10 : Jack O'Neill**

That too. 

And Carter, you don't have to make it sound like an accusation. There's nothing wrong with fishing. 

See, Newie is not so bad after all. 

**11.10 : Sam Carter**

Why do you like fishing so much, if you don't mind me asking, Sir?

**11.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, it's not about the fishing itself, but the whole package. The silence, nature, and a chance to be alone. 

**11.10 : Sam Carter**

To be alone? Is that really what you want?

**11.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, sometimes I do. You know how private I can be. 

**11.10 : Sam Carter**

So private that you went somewhere with nothing but fish?

**11.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, don't forget about the lake and the cabin. It's not all about the fish!

**11.10 : Sam Carter**

I bet they are beautiful. 

**11.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Huh?

**11.11 : Sam Carter**

The lake and the cabin. I bet they are beautiful. 

**11.11 : Jack O'Neill**

They are. There are just no words to describe it. You have to see it for yourself. 

The invitation is still there, you know. 

**11.11 : Sam Carter**

I know. I'll say 'yes' someday.

I promise.

But not today. 

**11.11 : Jack O'Neill**

I know you will. 

**11.11 : Sam Carter**

All right, I had better get back to work then. 

**11.11 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll see you in the mess hall for lunch?

**11.11 : Sam Carter**

I'll be there. 

**11.11 : Jack O'Neill**

12:00 sharp. 

**11.11 : Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. 

***

**15.54 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, can you come to my office tonight?

**15.56 : Sam Carter**

Sure. Is there something wrong? 

**15.56 : Jack O'Neill**

It's our first briefing on Operation 'Make Daniel Suffer'. 

**15.56 : Sam Carter**

Operation 'Make Daniel Suffer'? 

Is that the best you can do, Sir?

**15.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey! I focused all my attention on the plan itself; I didn't have time to think of some fancy name for it. 

**15.56 : Sam Carter**

Makes sense. But I think we need a new name. We need to be more tactful. 

**15.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Since when do I care about anything but the planning, the execution and the results of an operation? 

**15.57 : Sam Carter**

You got me there. 

What time do you want me in your office?

**15.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Around 20.00. I hope you haven't got anything planned. 

**15.57 : Sam Carter**

I'm free at that time. I'll let you know if something comes up, though. 

**15.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Cool. I'll see you there, then. 

***

**17.42 : Sam Carter**

Colonel, Daniel is looking for you. He has something to say about our mission tomorrow. 

**17.43 : Jack O'Neill**

What's wrong?

**17.43 : Sam Carter**

He said that he wants to pass on this one. He prefers to go with SG-6 instead - they were investigating the dig site that we found in P86 745. 

**17.43 : Jack O'Neill**

That little traitor. Any mention of a 'dig site' and off he goes, bailing out on us. Where is he? I need to talk to him about togetherness and teamwork. 

**17.43 : Sam Carter**

Er, General Hammond has already said 'yes', so there's not much that you can do. Besides, our mission doesn't really need his expertise. I'm quite sure Daniel has already seen a lot of rebel Jaffa in his lifetime. 

**17.43 : Jack O'Neill**

Damn him. 

And you better not go following his example, Carter. You know how Teal'c is when he was around those Jaffa. Honestly, you would've thought that they were some sort of long lost brothers or something. I'll need good company to pass the time with. I don't care how important the experiments in your lab are; I want you there, with me. 

**17.43 : Sam Carter**

You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted. 

**17.43 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, we're talking about you here, not any girl. I think honesty is always the best policy when dealing with you. At least you know that I don't have any ulterior motive. 

**17.43 : Sam Carter**

You? No ulterior motive? 

Are you feeling well, Colonel? No fever? No headache? How about voices in your head? Want to see Janet? She can fix whatever needs fixing. 

**17.43 : Jack O'Neill**

This is what I get for being honest? It makes me wonder what you would say if I lied. 

**17.44 : Sam Carter**

Well, if that ever happens, you might want to be more cautious about what I will **do, rather than 'say'. But then again, it's not like you haven't lied to me before. **

**17.44 : Jack O'Neill**

I had a very good reason for that; I was just following orders. 

**17.44 : Sam Carter**

I understand. But that still didn't change the fact that it hurt. 

**17.44 : Jack O'Neill**

It's not like you never lied to me, too. 

**17.44 : Sam Carter**

I'm no angel. But I only do that if I have a profound reason. 

Or planning a prank. 

**17.44 : Jack O'Neill**

Planning a prank? This is new. 

Tell me, what kind of prank?

**17.44 : Sam Carter**

You remember Ferretti and his new hair-do last month?

**17.44 : Jack O'Neill**

That was you? 

**17.44 : Sam Carter**

Yes. 

**17.44 : Jack O'Neill**

How did you manage to do that?

**17.44 : Sam Carter**

Easy. Reynolds owed me a favour, so in return, I asked him to put something inside Ferretti's shampoo bottle. He knows how to pick a lock, and when SG-2 was off-world, well, you know. 

**17.44 : Jack O'Neill**

That was so ... juvenile. 

**17.45 : Sam Carter**

And because of that, no one would suspect me. 

**17.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Damn, you're good. 

Have you ever pulled a prank on me? 

**17.45 : Sam Carter**

I rather not say. 

**17.45 : Jack O'Neill**

We both know **that** was your subtle way to say 'yes'. 

**17.45 : Sam Carter**

I'm not saying anything. 

**17.45 : Jack O'Neill**

You don't have to. After I finish dealing with Daniel, you're next. 

**17.45 : Sam Carter**

But Sir, if you don't know what I did to you, how can you know what you're going to do to me? 

**17.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, don't you pull that crap on me. You did something. That's all that matters. 

**17.45 : Sam Carter**

But I'm helping you with your little operation on Daniel. 

**17.45 : Jack O'Neill**

That doesn't change the fact that you did something. To me. 

**17.46 : Sam Carter**

Can I buy my way out of this?

**17.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Interesting. What are you offering?

**17.46 : Sam Carter**

What about if I promise not to abandon you tomorrow? 

**17.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Darn it Carter. You can't use that against me. 

**17.46 : Sam Carter**

Why not?

Because, I happen to know that SG-9 will be back tonight, and I also know for certain, that they will bring some interesting gizmos with them. They said so in their last check-up. Isn't that wonderful?

What do you think?

**17.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Tell me, Carter; is Jacob really your father? Are you sure it's not the devil?

**17.46 : Sam Carter**

Why, Sir. This is between the two of us, I'm sure there's no need to bring up my father. 

**17.47 : Jack O'Neill**

You know what, I'll ask Janet to run some tests on your DNA; she might find something interesting there. Something that connects you to the underworld. 

**17.47 : Sam Carter**

You don't have to be so mean, Colonel. After all, I'm only using my brain to avoid your unjustified wrath; it's not a crime. 

**17.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Unjustified wrath? 

And it **is a crime. Against my sanity. **

**17.47 : Sam Carter**

Oh, that's right. Sorry, my mistake. I plead guilty on that one. 

So, did I manage to get out of this predicament? 

**17.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Fine, fine. I'll let you go this time. But don't expect me to be this lenient the next time. You caught me in one of my weak moments.

**17.47 : Sam Carter**

You seem to be having those weak moments quite often lately. 

**17.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Hmm. You are the reason why. 

**17.47 : Sam Carter**

Ah. 

Permission to be proud of it, Sir? 

**17.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Permission **denied. **

Go play with your gadget or whatever it is that you have in your possession at this moment. Leave me be!

**17.47 : Sam Carter**

If that's what you really want, then I'll leave you alone. 

See you later, Sir. 

**17.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't forget the 20.00 meeting in my office. 

**17.47 : Sam Carter**

How can I? My bike is at stake here. I only agreed to do this because you threatened to do something to it.  

**17.48 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm glad to see that you still have some respect left for me. 

**17.48 : Sam Carter**

No comment on that. 

***

**18.30 : Sam Carter**

Did you manage to find Daniel, Sir? 

**18.30 : Jack O'Neill**

No, why? 

**18.31 : Sam Carter**

He's in the infirmary, right now. Talking to Janet about his new allergy medication. 

**18.31 : Jack O'Neill**

Not that I'm not grateful, Carter, but why are you telling me this? 

What has Daniel done to piss you off? 

**18.31 : Sam Carter**

Why are you assuming that? 

**18.31 : Jack O'Neill**

Because you know how badly I want to give Daniel a piece of my mind about his little stunt, and I'm quite sure that you wouldn't want to see it happen if you were on good speaking terms with him. He is your best buddy. 

Now, stop avoiding my question, and tell me what has he done to you? And you can forget about lying, I can see right through you, just in case you haven't noticed it yet. 

**18.31 : Sam Carter**

Nothing. But please do me a favour, when you finish with him, would you let him know that he can't get his Palm until next week. And he shouldn't waste any more breath bothering me about it until then.

**18.32 : Jack O'Neill**

He asked for one? 

**18.32 : Sam Carter**

Yes. Apparently, he was a bit jealous that you got one. 

**18.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Excuse me? He was jealous of me? What about you? You have one too. 

**18.32 : Sam Carter**

Daniel said that he probably could put the Palm to better use than playing games. Basically, he was disappointed because he thought I chose you and not him to test the Palms. He practically accused me of favouritism. Yeah, right, like he wouldn't choose you over me if he wanted to play chess. 

**18.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, you do like me better than Daniel, right? 

**18.32 : Sam Carter**

No comment. 

And may I remind you **why** we have these Palms in the first place, Sir? 

**18.32 : Jack O'Neill**

It's still fresh in my mind. No need for the reminder, thank you very much. It brings back all the frustrations that you have heaped upon me. 

**18.32 : Sam Carter**

Really? 

**18.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Remember when you blew up 'The O'Neill'? I still hate you for that. 

**18.32 : Sam Carter**

Would you rather the Replicators had taken over the Asgard's home world then?

**18.33 : Jack O'Neill**

No. But I still think that blowing up 'The O'Neill' was **not** the answer to that problem. 

**18.33 : Sam Carter**

That might be true, but it was much more fun though. 

Anyway, I have to get back to work. 

Please don't forget to tell Daniel what I told you earlier. 

**18.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, Ma'am. 

***

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, are you there? I'm staying at the base today. I couldn't be bothered to go home. 

**23.49 : Sam Carter**

Oh. Me too. 

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Have you been working late again? 

**23.49 : Sam Carter**

Yes. I wanted to have a good look at all the technology that SG-9 managed to bring back home, before we left tomorrow for our mission. 

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't pull all-nighters too often, Major; it's not good for your complexion. 

**23.50 : Sam Carter**

I'm touched that you care about my complexion. But I still can't believe that you're going ahead with that plan. Poor Daniel. 

**23.50 : Jack O'Neill**

You participated in planning it, Carter. And if I remember correctly, you gave some interesting suggestions. 

**23.50 : Sam Carter**

I thought you were joking! How am I supposed to know that you were serious?

Any chance of me backing out from this? 

**23.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, your choice. Daniel or your bike. 

I won't force you to do anything that you don't want to. Well, outside work, that is. 

Anyway, I thought you were pissed at Daniel?

**23.50 : Sam Carter**

Damn it. 

He's forgiven already. He brought a wonderful cup of coffee to my lab earlier. 

**23.50 : Jack O'Neill**

I take it that you choose your bike? 

How come you let him go so easily and yet when it came to me, you seemed to be milking everything that you want for all its worth? 

**23.50 : Sam Carter**

Yes. I am. 

You're much more fun to tease than Daniel. 

**23.51 : Jack O'Neill**

Evil Carter shows her true colours. 

Anyway, we have a mission tomorrow. Don't work too late, OK? 

Goodnight.

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

Goodnight, Sir.  

***

**Note: **So, I've been a bit busy lately, thus I don't know what the title of the next chapter would be yet. But Daniel will suffer, although the degree of the suffering still depends on my mood *g*. Feedbacks and reviews and bloopers are welcome. 

**PS:** I'm planning to share all the bloopers later on, when I finished the series (or when I got so busy and don't have time to write anymore *eg*). Thus all bloopers from any chapters are wanted. I thank all the people who had tried their best (or worse, depend on the perspective *g*) and send me the bloopers. Keep them coming. To give you some encouragement, I gave you this one:

**18.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Remember when you blew up 'The O'Neill'? I still hate you for that. 

**18.32 : Sam Carter**

That was not what you say last night when I tucked you in. 


	10. His Dream and Her Prank

**His Dream and Her Prank**

By Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**Note**: Thank you to Aud who beta-read this. And YAY, I've got my first 100 reviews. Thanks for each one of you who made it possible. And on with the story ...

**Spoiler:** 'A Matter of Time'

***

**_Wednesday, 15 July 2003_******

****

**05.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Are you awake yet?

**05.52 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes. Good morning, Sir. 

**05.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Morning. 

I had a weird dream last night. About Newie, your cactus. 

**05.52 :**** Sam Carter**

You're joking, right? 

**05.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nope. 

**05.52 :**** Sam Carter**

And you're telling me this, why? 

**05.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Because you were in it. 

**05.52 :**** Sam Carter**

What could you have possibly dreamt about with my cactus and me in it? 

**05.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, do you remember the reason why I gave you the cactus?

**05.53 :**** Sam Carter**

You said that the cactus shape reminded you a little bit of an apple (that was the reason why I named him 'Newton'). And because I explained wormhole theory to you using an apple once, you think it was only prudent for me to have it. If I don't have an apple lying around, you said that I can use Newton instead. Come to think of it, it was very thoughtful of you, Sir.

**05.53 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh well, anything for my favorite scientist.

Anyway, in my dream, I was strapped to a tree, and you were climbing to the top of it with Newie in your hand. You were threatening to recreate Isaac Newton's discovery of the Theory of Gravity, using your beloved (your word, not mine) cactus, if I didn't give you what you wanted (I'm not sure what that was). What were you doing in my dream? And a weird one at that. 

**05.53 :**** Sam Carter**

Your favorite scientist? You're being too kind, Sir.

Why are you asking me this? It's **your **dream, not mine. Besides, I will not do such cruel thing to Newton. The poor thing wouldn't survive that terrifying experience. 

**05.53 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You care more about your plant than me? **I **was the one whose head was going to be 'dropped onto' with that spiky plant. 

**05.53 :**** Sam Carter**

Newton **was** the one who was going to lose his spikes. Poor him. 

**05.53 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I should have known that you would think that way. I wonder why I bother telling you these things in the first place. You would only use it as an opportunity to make fun of me. 

**05.53 :**** Sam Carter**

Are you accusing me of being insensitive where it concerns you, Colonel?

**05.53 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Do you even have to ask? 

**05.53 :**** Sam Carter**

Nah, I guess not. 

**05.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Times like this make me wish that hundreds of years ago, that Newton guy was sitting under a coconut tree, instead of an apple one, when the tree dropped it. He would've got a concussion, I could've passed physics with flying colors in high school, and you wouldn't be threatening me with a cactus in my dream. A better world for all of us to live in. 

**05.54 :**** Sam Carter**

I think I like this world better. 

**05.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'd be surprised if you didn't. 

**05.54 :**** Sam Carter**

If there's nothing else, I'll see you in the mess hall for breakfast, Sir. 

**05.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Wait, there is one more thing. How's the power bar going?

**05.54 :**** Sam Carter**

Don't worry about it. I borrowed one of Janet's biggest needles. It was perfectly done. 

**05.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Have you told SG-6 to bring their own camera?

**05.55 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes. They promised they'll get the best pictures for you. 

And Sir, I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid you'll have to plant the power bar yourself. I really want to take a good look at those machines that are currently on my lab bench right now. I won't be able to see them for at least 72 hours (that is, if our mission runs smoothly, which I very much doubt). 

**05.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Fine. Hand it to me during breakfast, I'm sure I can slip it in his vest pocket when he gears up. Daniel is scheduled to depart earlier than us, at 11.00. It should give us enough time to complete the 09.00 briefing and catch him before then. 

**05.55 :**** Sam Carter**

OK. I'll see you there. 

***

**10.48 :**** Jack O'Neill**

The power bar is in place. Daniel is departing any minute now. 

**10.50 :**** Sam Carter**

How long do you reckon before he's feeling peckish? 

**10.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

10-20 minutes? 

**10.50 :**** Sam Carter**

Yeah, that was my estimate too. 

Do you think Daniel will know that you're behind this, Sir? 

**10.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

**We**, Carter, **we** are behind this. Don't try to lay the blame solely on me. You are as responsible as me in this. **You** are the one who injected those Marmite into the power bar. Those Brits sure are strange, who ate that stuff anyway? I had a try and it tasted awful. How do you managed to get it? 

**10.51 :**** Sam Carter**

They sell it here, but only in certain shops. That stuff is so useful for harmless prank. Besides, I've already asked Janet to make sure that Daniel is not allergic to the ingredients found in it. 

How long do your think before Daniel touches another power bar again? 

**10.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

A long time, I hope. That guy has a serious addiction problem to the power bar. 

**10.51 :**** Sam Carter**

And coffee. 

**10.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes, and coffee. 

I wish I was there to see the look on his face when he takes a bite, though. 

**10.51 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm sure SG-6 won't miss it, Sir. They're professional. The video footage should be a sufficient visual replacement. 

**10.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yeah. I guess that should do. For now. 

Don't you feel good about it? 

**10.51 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, I'll decide how I feel after I see the tape. 

And the state that Daniel is in after he realises that SG-6 took nothing but decaf coffee with them. 

**10.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good. Good. 

How did SG-6 take it when you told them to take no regular coffee? 

**10.51 :**** Sam Carter**

They took some, Sir. They just won't share it with Daniel. I made them promise. 

**10.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Which charm of yours did you use this time? 

**10.51 :**** Sam Carter**

The 'I won't tell the General that you're the lot who trashed the rec. room last week if you do this for me' charm. 

**10.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Blackmail, Carter?

**10.52 :**** Sam Carter**

No, Sir. It's my charm, not blackmail. 

**10.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Whatever you say. The power bar and the coffee should be enough for now. We'll do more once he gets back. 

Hey, maybe we should hide some of his rocks while he's away. 

**10.52 :**** Sam Carter**

I feel like I'm back in high school. Hiding someone's book, just because I knew that it would get them into trouble. 

**10.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, that might be a little bit too immature. But it'll be fun. A whole load of fun. 

Think about it, Daniel won't suspect us. We're kinda above those silly things. 

**10.52 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm not sure about the 'above' things. Look what we have just done with the power bar. 

**10.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So?

**10.53 :**** Sam Carter**

Nothing. I'm going to check on our MALP. I'll talk to you later, Sir.

**10.53 :**** Jack O'Neill**

OK. 

***

**13.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, the General is looking for you. Where are you anyway?

**14.04 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel? 

**14.05 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, give me a few minutes, will you? I'm in the men's room right now. And don't you dare ask why!

**14.06 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh. OK. Well, enjoy your stay there, then. 

I'll let the General know that you are 'unreachable' at this moment. But you had better get to his office once you're finished whatever it is that you are doing. 

I won't even ask why you have your Palm with you in there. 

PS: Don't forget to wash your hands afterward. 

**14.06 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Funny, Carter. 

I'll go to the General's office as soon as I can. 

**14.06 :**** Sam Carter**

Roger that. 

**14.06 :**** Jack O'Neill**

And Carter, I know we're not face-to-face at this moment, but I bet there's a sick grin on your face right now. Lose it!

**14.06 :**** Sam Carter**

Aye aye, Sir. 

***

**14.49 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Are you sure that we can't bring our Palms with us? 

**14.49 :**** Sam Carter**

Positive, Sir. It would be like taking your GameBoy on a mission. It's against the regulations. 

**14.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Since when do I really follow the regulations? 

**14.50 :**** Sam Carter**

Do you really want me to answer that? And why do you want to bring it anyway?

**14.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

With Teal'c hanging with his buddies, I need something to occupy my time. The Palm has some great games. 

**14.50 :**** Sam Carter**

Are you implying that I'm bad company?

**14.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Of course not. You don't really care that I can be such a jerk sometimes, you translate all those cryptic or techno babbles into terms that I can understand perfectly, you know a lot about the Simpson's, and you're so easy on the eye. What is so bad about you?

**14.50 :**** Sam Carter**

Is this your way of apologizing? 

**14.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Whatever floats your boat, Major. 

**14.51 :**** Sam Carter**

Then I take it as an apology. 

Hey, what did the General want?

**14.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nothing too important. He just wants to have a BBQ party for the whole of the SGC next week. Something about us deserving a little break after a grueling year. Besides, we never really held a welcoming party for Daniel after he was descended. Even though it will be a few months late, I think we should go for it. Hammond wants me to organize the party. 

**14.51 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh. I see. 

If there's nothing else, I'll talk to you later. I'm in my lab right now, still 'playing' with the technology that SG-9 brought back yesterday. 

**14.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'll meet you in the Gate room then. We'll depart at 17.00. Don't be late. 

**14.51 :**** Sam Carter**

I won't. 

***

****

**_Thursday, 17 July 2003_******

****

_No entry recorded_

****

***

**_Friday, 18 July 2003_******

****

_No entry recorded_

****

***

****

**_Saturday, 19 July 2003 _**

****

**22.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm beat. I can't even find the energy to go home. I think I'll crash at the SGC tonight. 

**22.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Me too. 

Those Jaffa sure knew where to build their camp. It must be at least twenty clicks from where the Gate is. 

**22.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

ARGH!

Don't remind me of that. My feet and calves are still hurting. Or maybe my age has just caught up with me. 

**22.20 :**** Sam Carter**

It's nothing to do with age, Colonel. Mine are suffering the same as yours. Even Teal'c is a little bit fatigued; I guess the tretonin shot will never be as effective as a real symbiote. And, it didn't help that the debriefing was as long as it was. 

**22.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, the General really couldn't help but ask those questions. This allegiance is important, for us and the Jaffa. It didn't help that Teal'c is his favorite SG-1 member. 

**22.21 :**** Sam Carter**

Teal'c? Are you sure? 

**22.21 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Sure. Daniel always runs around in circles before he finally gets to the point. He's tested Hammond's patience too often. Me, well, you know me, I've opened my big mouth in front of Hammond one time too many. He doesn't like that. Teal'c is the silent type; he never beats around the bush. Teal'c has ticked off the General the least. Just the kind of soldier that he wants under his command. 

**22.21 :**** Sam Carter**

What about me? 

**22.21 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You don't count. Even though you're an SG-1, your past relationship with Hammond has definitely clouded his personal judgment. Nothing that you do will make him like you less. 

**22.21 :**** Sam Carter**

That's comforting to know. 

**22.21 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, that's what I call nepotism. 

**22.21 :**** Sam Carter**

Nepotism? I don't think so. 

PS: That's a big word to use, Sir. Are you sure that you want to reveal the fact that you're not as ignorant as you let on? 

**22.21 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh yeah, what do you call it then?

PS: What's the point of pretending? You're not most people, and I'm sure that you've figured out that fact already. 

**22.22 :**** Sam Carter**

I would call it 'Godparent's love'. 

PS: I'm glad to let you know, that I am gloating right now. 

**22.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

In the real world, it translates into nepotism. 

PS: I'd be surprised if you weren't. 

**22.22 :**** Sam Carter**

I dare you to say that in front of the General. 

**22.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Don't tempt me. 

**22.22 :**** Sam Carter**

In that case, I double dare you to say it in front of the General. 

**22.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I can be everything but a fool. What makes you think that you can make me do that? 

**22.22 :**** Sam Carter**

Can't hurt to try, can it?

Anyway, I'm going to bed early, I think. Daniel won't be back until tomorrow morning, I've checked with Sgt. Davis. Apparently, Daniel has requested one extra day to study the ruins. 

**22.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh well, what can you expect from our archaeologist? We'll do the big plan tomorrow then. Right before his post-mission examination. 

**22.23 :**** Sam Carter**

You're the Colonel. I'm just a lowly Major waiting for your order. 

**22.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You should be grateful that I am actually in sync with your sense of humor, you know. Or else, you'll be in a brig already, for insulting superior officer. 

**22.23 :**** Sam Carter**

Insulting? Me? 

**22.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I can't win this argument, can I? 

**22.23 :**** Sam Carter**

You said it. Night, Sir. 

**22.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, Carter, wait a minute. We should have the results back from the shrink, right? 

**22.23 :**** Sam Carter**

Actually, the General has them. He sent me a copy, but I haven't read it yet. 

**22.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're not even a little bit curious about it?

**22.23 :**** Sam Carter**

No. For all I care the shrink could say whatever he/she wants and it will not change a thing between the two of us. The General had promised that no matter what the result is, he would not compromise his best team. Besides, what does a stranger know about us? 

**22.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I understand your point, I really do. There's no way that I would let someone dictate what I should and shouldn't do with my team, but I want to know what other people think about us.

**22.24 :**** Sam Carter**

And kick their asses if they said something bad about it, Sir? 

**22.24 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'll be damned if I don't. 

**22.24 :**** Sam Carter**

Alright then, I'll take a look at it now. I guess I could stay awake for another half an hour or so. 

**22.24 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Thanks, Carter. 

**22.24 :**** Sam Carter**

Anything for you, Sir. 

**22.24 :**** Jack O'Neill**

If only. 

***

**22.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Right, do you want the short version or the long version of the results?

**22.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Both, please. The short one first. 

**22.44 :**** Sam Carter**

Short version: Subject A (that's you) and Subject B (that's me) are OK together. They won't kill each other in the near future. 

Long version: Subject A and B have a healthy working relationship. And in a non-job-related environment, they have settled to become more like friends rather than comrades. The trust and bonds that exist between them, come from the mutual respect that they share for each other. Blah, blah, blah (I'm tired, I want to go to sleep, the rest are nothing too important, therefore I couldn't be bothered to write it down. Honest, nothing too important.) In conclusion, the two subjects will work well together as a team. 

There you go. 

**22.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What do you know, huh? A shrink who actually knows how to do his job. 

Hey, is everything that he says positive? 

**22.45 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, he/SHE did express some concern about us getting too close, knowing our background as military officers, he/she is afraid that our close affiliation will affect our judgment in a combat situation. Nothing new. 

**22.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yeah. I really hope that the military was not that narrow-minded. How can they expect us not to care about the people that we work with? 

**22.45 :**** Sam Carter**

They have their reason, Sir. 

**22.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

If you're asking me, I don't think that the reason is good enough. 

**22.45 :**** Sam Carter**

It's just the way this world is. 

**22.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, this world sucks. 

**22.46 :**** Sam Carter**

I agree. 

However, I'm afraid that there's not much that we can do about it. 

**22.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yeah. But you know what, no matter how sucky this world is, I wouldn't want it any other way. 

**22.46 :**** Sam Carter**

Because you prefer to fight for a better world to live in, rather than turning your back on it. 

I know. 

**22.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Get some rest, Carter. I've depressed you enough, tonight. And I'm sorry about that. 

**22.46 :**** Sam Carter**

You did nothing but point out the truth, Colonel. And for that, I'm not sorry. 

**22.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I knew you were going to say that. 

Goodnight, Carter. 

**22.46 :**** Sam Carter**

Night, Sir. 

***

**Note: **Marmite is yeast extract, usually eaten with toast. Well, like the manufacturer said, you either love it or hate it. And I happen to hate it. The next one has not had a fixed title yet (the temporary one is **'His Intergalactic Stalker and Her Assistant'**, if you think that I'm weird, don't worry, I think the same). Anyway, for the next one, Daniel does suffer (in a good way). Reviews, feedback and bloopers are welcome. 

**22.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I can be everything but a fool. What makes you think that you can make me do that? 

**22.22 :**** Sam Carter**

Because if you don't, you'll sleep on the couch tonight. 


	11. His Intergalactic Stalker and Her Assist...

**His Intergalactic Stalker and Her Assistant**

By Blue Topaz

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**Note: **Thanks to Sandra who beta-read this. 

For those who actually **like** Marmite: I salute thy (how can you stand the taste of it? *shudder*)

To dietcokechic: Daniel's sin #1 - he was being to nosy for his own good when he started asking about the Palm than Jack and Sam both had. Daniel's sin #2 - he 'ran' away with SG-6 and thus 'abandoned' Jack in SG-1 latest mission. And for both 'sins', he had to pay dearly (well, I'm just looking for anything to justify my evil way on him) *eg*.

To dietcokechic again: Arghhh ... another typo. Thanks for pointing it out, I fixed it already. And also thanks for all the wonderful bloopers. ;)

**Spoiler:** 'Message in the Bottle' 

***

**_Sunday, 20 July 2003_******

****

**07.41 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, what time is Daniel due back?

**07.43 :**** Sam Carter**

09.00. But knowing Daniel, they'll probably arrive at 10.00-ish.

**07.43 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Got it. Keep me posted on his progress. 

**07.43 :**** Sam Carter**

I can't. I've got work to finish. Why don't you ask Ferretti instead? I bet he won't refuse. And we can blame all of this on him if Daniel ever found out. 

**07.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I like the way you think. Have fun working, Carter. 

**07.44 :**** Sam Carter**

Thanks, Sir. 

***

**14.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, time to put the plan into action. Are you ready?

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Already? I'm in the middle of something here. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Something like creating a big honking space gun? 

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Er, not exactly creating and not exactly a space gun, but it is still important. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

How important?

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Very important. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So important that you can't abandon it for just ten or twenty minutes? 

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Alright, alright. You win. Let's do it now. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good girl. Now, are you clear on what you're going to do? 

**14.03 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll go and ask Daniel for that artifact that he found on P76 543. The one that he kept in Storage Room 7 at Level 21. It's one of a few rooms that still uses a key instead of a card. That's why we chose it, and Daniel is one of a few people who has it. I also have to make sure that he does it straight away, so I'll say that the artifact is crucial for my experiment and I need it a.s.a.p. While I do that, you'll be waiting for him near the Storage Room. So when he goes inside, you'll close the door and lock it from the outside and deliberately leave the key in the keyhole so that he can't open it from the inside. To make it more interesting, you've already asked Nurse Brown, one of Daniel's fans (and he knew it too) to wait for him inside. She's been asking you to hook her up with Daniel, so you knew that she wouldn't refuse. And we both know how uncomfortable Daniel is around her. 

And you finally make your wish to lock two people inside a closet come true at last. You really need something to preoccupy your time, Sir. Too much daydreaming could do some damage to your mental health. 

**14.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Excellent. 

I'm heading towards the infirmary now to let Brown know. I hope she is not too busy right now. I'll give you a sign when everything is ready. 

And thank you for caring about my mental health. That was so considerate of you. 

**14.03 :**** Sam Carter**

For the record, Sir, this is the most adolescent thing that we've ever done the last ten years. 

Remind me again, why did I agree to do this? 

**14.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Because it's fun. 

Besides, who would've though that Daniel actually likes Marmite. My informant told me that he was **disappointed** when he found out only one power bar tasted that good. 

**14.03 :**** Sam Carter**

I can't argue with that. 

Daniel likes Marmite? That stuff tastes vile, how can he stand that?

What about his caffeine withdrawal? 

**14.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Have you managed to get a link for the security camera in that room and the corridor outside? 

Well, we all know that Daniel is weird. We just don't realise that he was **that** weird. 

And no withdrawal whatsoever. He brought his own stash that could last for a week. Damn, I should have checked his bag and confiscated it before he left. 

**14.04 :**** Sam Carter**

The link has been ready since 10.00 this morning. I know how bad you want it. All I have to do is just click some buttons and you can see all of it in my lab. I'll leave the instructions in my desk because I'll be in Daniel's lab waiting for the artifact that I requested. He'll be suspicious if I wasn't there when he comes back. I believe you know how to press the record button for me?

**14.04 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Girl Scout. I like that. 

And don't worry, Carter. I won't let you miss all the fun. 

**14.04 :**** Sam Carter**

Thanks, Sir. 

I'll be waiting for the signal. 

***

**14.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Everything is in its place. Time to do it, Carter. 

**14.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Boss. 

**14.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oy!

***

**14.23 :**** Sam Carter**

Daniel's on his way. 

**14.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Got it. 

Are you sure that you can't get me some popcorn and soda? 

**14.23 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, my lab is not a movie theatre. I demand you treat it with more respect. 

**14.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, lab or not, I still want the popcorn. 

**14.24 :**** Sam Carter**

No food or drink (except tea or coffee) is allowed in my lab. Sorry, that's the rule. 

**14.24 :**** Jack O'Neill**

D'oh. 

***

**15.19 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Jeez, my side is still hurting from laughing. It's a good thing that your lab is soundproof. 

**15.19 :**** Sam Carter**

Poor Daniel. 

**15.19 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Save the display of sympathy for someone else. I know that you were laughing as hard as I was when you finally watched it. 

**15.19 :**** Sam Carter**

Poor Janet then. 

**15.19 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, I can't argue with that. Who could've though that it was the Doc who finally let him out of his misery? Although it kinda makes it perfect somehow. Did you see how he stuttered to explain all those lipstick marks on his face? And the way Brown was clinging to his neck. I could've sworn that Janet was smirking. 

**15.19 :**** Sam Carter**

Nurse Brown sure knows how to mark her man. I can't believe how strong she is. She managed to pin Daniel against the wall once. 

And Janet did **smirk**. Bless her, she has faith when it comes to Daniel's innocence. More than you. Well, more than **us**. 

You better watch out for her though. I bet she knows that you were behind this. 

**15.19 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Remind me to get Teal'c to give Daniel some self-defense classes. That boy is slacking. He shouldn't have let Brown corner him like that. 

And I'll deal with Janet. As always. 

**15.19 :**** Sam Carter**

Daniel was being a gentleman. 

Hey, what would you do if a woman attacked you like that?

**15.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Do you really want me to answer that? 

**15.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Hell yeah. 

**15.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Sorry to tell you this, but a gentleman never reveals his secrets. 

**15.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, you're not exactly a gentleman, are you? 

**15.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm wounded. How come you think of me like that?

**15.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh, am I wrong then?

**15.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You can't expect me to confirm something like that. 

**15.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Why not?

**15.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Because I'll never ask you which SG-1 member you like best. 

**15.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Point taken. 

Alright. I'm going to work some more. I'll talk to you later. 

**15.21 :**** Jack O'Neill**

See you, Carter. And don't work to hard, OK?

**15.21 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll try. 

***

**17.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I've met Simmons in the mess hall. He said that you kicked him out of your lab. He's your most trusted assistant, isn't he? Any reason why you'd get rid of him?

**17.35 :**** Sam Carter**

I didn't kick him out. I gave him a break. 

**17.35 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That's not what he said. 

**17.35 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, who do you trust more? Me or Graham Simmons? 

**17.35 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter! Come on, the truth. What are you doing in your lab? I went there earlier and it was locked. I knocked, but no one answered. Is there something wrong? 

**17.35 :**** Sam Carter**

No, not really. Lt. Simmons is a great help but sometimes I just want to work alone. I need the peace and quietness, so that I could just concentrate on the experiment and nothing else. You must've missed me when you knocked earlier. I went to the supply room several times to get some materials. 

**17.35 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Don't you know that Simmons' crush on you is stronger than ever? He looked like his puppy had just ran away. 

**17.35 :**** Sam Carter**

Please, Sir. He was way over it. He already had a steady girlfriend since three years ago, soon-to-be fiancé actually, he's planning to propose to her next week. He looked dejected because he lost the ring. But knowing Graham, he might have just misplaced it somewhere and will find it by tomorrow. He has a habit of forgetting things when he is nervous. That's one other reason why I don't want him in the lab. He is an accident waiting to happen in this state. 

**17.35 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You seem to know a lot about him.

**17.35 :**** Sam Carter**

We've known each other for almost seven years now. It's bound to happen. Besides, he's like a little brother to me. Anyway, how did you know that he had a crush on me? 

**17.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Daniel told me. 

**17.36 :**** Sam Carter**

He was drunk when he did that, wasn't he? 

**17.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yup. It's amazing how many secrets you could fish out from a drunken linguist. 

**17.36 :**** Sam Carter**

That was a terrible thing to do, Sir. 

**17.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Did you know that Daniel had a thing for Janet in her white coat? He said that it makes her look like an angel. 

Angel, my ass. Fraiser with her white coat equals Fraiser with needle. And we all know what that means. 

**17.36 :**** Sam Carter**

Really? Did Daniel really say that? 

I'm going to ignore what you said about Janet. 

**17.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Like I said, it's amazing what you can get out of drunken Daniel. It's much easier than using a lie detector. Just ask him one simple question and he'll give you a generous answer. Too bad that he is starting to get hold of his drinks. I need more alcohol to help him blabber those priceless information these days. 

**17.36 :**** Sam Carter**

What else did he say? 

**17.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nothing that I can share with you. I value Daniel's privacy. 

**17.36 :**** Sam Carter**

If you don't want to tell me, you just have to say so, Sir. No need to make an excuse that you know I wouldn't believe. 

**17.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I only think about your feelings. 

**17.37 :**** Sam Carter**

You can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes right now. 

**17.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

How mature. 

**17.37 :**** Sam Carter**

Speak for yourself. 

**17.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Enough about this. Hey, do you have anything planned for tonight? 

**17.37 :**** Sam Carter**

Tonight? I don't think so. Why?

**17.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Have dinner with me. 

**17.37 :**** Sam Carter**

We always have dinner together when we're on the base, Sir. 

**17.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, I mean a proper dinner. The Tok'ra ruined our plan last week, I still owe you one. 

**17.38 :**** Sam Carter**

I'd love to. 

**17.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Great. I'll pick you up wherever you are at 19.30. I'm going to try and make a reservation now.

**17.38 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll leave you to it then. 

**17.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, what about your experiment? 

**17.38 :**** Sam Carter**

I think it can wait until tomorrow. Besides, I need the break. 

**17.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good. I'll see you then. 

**17.38 :**** Sam Carter**

See you, Sir. 

***

**21.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I don't believe this. 

**21.54 :**** Sam Carter**

Neither do I. 

**21.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I hate that woman. 

**21.54 :**** Sam Carter**

I second that. 

Actually, no, I don't hate that woman. I **despise** her. 

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know, the next time I'm taking you to dinner, I'm just going to kidnap you from your lab and get on with it. No planning, no reservation. Just you and me in my jeep looking for someplace decent to eat. 

If I'm not being reasonable, I think she was spying on us with her alien doohickies. And every time I ask you out, some red light blinks and she'll be here on Earth in a flash of light to spoil our plan. 

**21.55 :**** Sam Carter**

I think Freya stalks you somehow, Sir. 

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I don't need some intergalactic stalker, thank you very much. 

**21.55 :**** Sam Carter**

Look at the bright side. At least we managed to have the appetizer this time. 

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Do you think she'll let us have our main course the next time this happens? 

**21.55 :**** Sam Carter**

I don't know what to think. I'm still too ticked to say anything at this moment. 

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, leave my side tonight and you'll pay dearly. And I'm not joking. I won't give her even the slightest opportunity to put on her moves. 

**21.55 :**** Sam Carter**

You mean the opportunity to act upon her lust on you? 

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you're not helping. 

**21.55 :**** Sam Carter**

But you smirked there. 

**21.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Because you make me want to laugh with your sarcasm. It's not a bad thing, but please, not in front of the General. 

**21.56 :**** Sam Carter**

Do you think he'll notice that we're not paying attention to this meeting? 

**21.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Who cares? It's not like he can see the Palms under the table. Besides, he was focusing his attention on **that** woman. 

**21.56 :**** Sam Carter**

Why are you here? She only wanted to say thanks. And the one that should receive her thanks is SG-9. After all, they were the ones who help the Tok'ra last week. And I know that she wanted to talk to me about some technologies that she let SG-9 bring back home, so I'm not that surprised she asked to see me. 

But what about you? Why did she want you here? She didn't even ask for Daniel or Teal'c to be present. 

**21.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Don't ask me. And don't you even try to answer that question yourself. 

**21.56 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, if you don't want to be alone with her, than I don't want that, either. If she wants to talk to me about something, I want you to be there for me. Who knows what kind of question she will ask if you aren't there. The last thing I want is for her to ask what the best way to warm your bed is.

**21.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

CARTER! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? That is so ... vulgar. 

**21.56 :**** Sam Carter**

So you didn't know that she asked Daniel once about the human culture of mating? Or how she asked Teal'c on how to make you her lover boy?

**21.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Too much information. I don't want to hear it. 

**21.57 :**** Sam Carter**

If she asked all those things from Daniel and Teal'c, what do you think will she ask from me? I wouldn't be surprise if she asked me whether using an aphrodisiac is legal here or not. 

**21.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Stop right there. Are you trying to freak me out? I don't want to hear about it anymore. I get your point. 

OK then, for better or worse, we stick together until she's gone. 

**21.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Deal. 

***

**22.42 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, I have to go to the toilet. Would you survive here on your own? 

**22.42 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No way. We stick together until **that** snakehead is gone. 

**22.42 :**** Sam Carter**

That snakehead (and for your own benefit, I hope you will never refer to my father that way) is standing next to you. Please be careful not to let her see what you are writing. 

And Sir, I really need to go. She surely wouldn't do anything to you in **my **lab. 

**22.42 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Don't worry about that. She seemed fascinated enough by your report. 

And as for your little problem, let's go to my quarters. I don't think being in your lab would make it any different if she wants to do something to me. 

**22.42 :**** Sam Carter**

Your quarters, Sir?

**22.42 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You do remember that my quarters are en-suite, right? Let's just make some excuse that I left some important notes that you need in my quarters. We'll get it together because I have the key and I don't know which notes you want. We have some guards on the door. They can keep an eye on her for a while. 

**22.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Do you think it will work? 

**22.43 :**** Jack O'Neill**

We won't know if we don't try, will we?

***

**23.38 :**** Sam Carter**

Nice bathroom, Sir. 

**23.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well thank you. 

**23.38 :**** Sam Carter**

I've seen your quarters several times, but never the bathroom. It's pretty neat. 

**23.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I like my bathroom clean. 

**23.38 :**** Sam Carter**

I see. 

Where are you now? Not in your quarters, I suppose. 

**23.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm not that ignorant. With that woman still here, I'll sleep in Reynold's quarters. His team is on a mission at this moment. I know he won't mind. 

I hope with me missing, she'll go and bug Daniel instead. 

**23.39 :**** Sam Carter**

Good planning. 

Anyway, Sir, I'm a little bit hungry here. Never really had my dinner after all. And the sandwich from the mess hall was not a good substitute for a proper meal. 

Want to kidnap me and take me out to eat? If we are ever going to do this, we might as well do it in style, right under her nose. 

**23.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I knew there was a reason why I like you so much. Where do you want to eat? It's pretty late, and I'm sure you don't want do junk food at this hour. 

**23.39 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, there's this Chinese restaurant that's always open until 03.00. Too bad I only found out about it a few days ago. A nurse mentioned it to me. She said that the food is quite good as well. 

**23.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Where are you?

**23.39 :**** Sam Carter**

My quarters. 

**23.40 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well then, Ms. Carter. Prepare yourself to be abducted. 

**23.40 :**** Sam Carter**

How charming. And for that, I promise that I will not fight back when you snatch me out. In fact, I'll cooperate nicely. 

**23.40 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Sweet. 

***

**Note:** This story is for everyone who were asking for the 'date' persistently *cough* Vicky aka ses *cough*. Thanks also for every single one of you who had been supporting throughout this series. It has been a fantastic month. I think I'll go into another hiatus and write another fic, because I need the change of pace. I hope this chapter didn't give you any cliff-hanger or anything like that (the 'date' will happened; I'm not that cruel to spoilt it for the third time). Besides, I'm going start my university course in two weeks times, I'll be busy preparing and adjusting my very laidback life-style to a hectic student's life one (and I think I'm going down with a cold right now, I need the rest). There'll be more 'His and Hers', of that I could assure you, but not in a near future. Watch out for the bloopers for Story 6-10 though. 

OK, enough with my ranting. Feedback, reviews and bloopers are welcome as always.

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know, the next time I'm taking you to dinner, I'm just going to kidnap you from your lab and get on with it. No planning, no reservation. Just you and me in my jeep looking for someplace decent to make out. 


	12. More Bloopers

**Bloopers: His and Hers Series**

**Story 6-10**

By Blue Topaz

**NOTE**: OK, this is another collection of bloopers from the 'His and Hers' series, not a fic. This is unbeta-ed, thus any mistakes are mine. 

To RivErStaR: Thanks for the nit-picks, I really appreciate them. And Vegemite? What's that? I've never seen or try them before. 

Enjoy the bloopers everybody ...

***

**His PlayStation and Her Bike**

***

**14.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, what's your plan for this weekend? 

**14.55 :**** Sam Carter**

Aside from seducing you, Sir? Well, none. 

***

**14.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Major, how many times have I told you that I forbid you to say that I'm cute? That is so uncool.  

PS: I won't mind 'hot' or 'sexy' though. 

***

**15.48 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes, yes, genius. You don't have to rub that fact into my face. I remember it perfectly. Every time I turn it on, the screen says 'Welcome to Colonel Jonathan O'Neill's PlayStation. Proudly fixed by his amazing, beautiful, and don't forget genius second in command, Major Samantha Carter' for about five seconds. You need a hobby, you know that. 

PS: Are you trying to say something to me? 

***

**15.48 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Can I slap a sticker on it, then?

**15.48 :**** Sam Carter**

Depends on what the sticker is, Sir. 

**15.48 :**** Jack O'Neill**

'The owner of this Bike is cursed. Romance her and die!'. It'll drive away unnecessary attentions, I promise. 

***

**20.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Someday, Major, someday, I'll make you speechless. Just watch it. 

**20.09 :**** Sam Carter**

Do you want me to give you some tips on how to do that?

***

**23.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You said it yourself; I'm a very resourceful individual. What makes you think that I couldn't do my best and get my hand on your precious bra? 

**23.38 :**** Sam Carter**

Bra, Sir? 

**23.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Whoops, I mean **bike, not bra. Sorry, it's typo, I swear. **

***

**His Plan and Her Project**

***

**23.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Fine, if that's how you want to play it, then I won't fix any of your toys anymore if they got broken. 

**23.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You do that. If I have nothing to occupy me then I'll just have to play with you. 

***

**05.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Rise and shine. 

And how are you this morning, Ms. Carter?

**05.39 :**** Sam Carter**

Ms. Carter? No offence but, are you drunk? Or was last night too rough for you? 

***

**05.39 :**** Sam Carter**

You just called me with this journal to say that you're in a very good mood?

**05.40 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Why not? **You** called me with this journal every time you need a little TLC. 

***

**14.08 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm sorry for blowing up like that, Colonel. But to tell you the truth, I'm worried. 

**14.08 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Want me to kiss all your worries away?

***

**14.09 :**** Sam Carter**

Thank you, Sir. 

For cheering me up and calming me down, I mean. 

**14.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No problem. You can pay me back tonight by wearing the blue teddy that I bought for you last week

***

**14.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm starting to regret it. 

PS: Yes. Didn't you know that most of the geeks here have a thing for you? And I don't mean your brain, I mean 'you', in flesh and blood. 

**14.52 :**** Sam Carter**

Really? You prefer me frowning than smiling?

PS: What about you? Do you have a thing for 'me', and I don't mean my brain. 

**14.52 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, maybe not. But don't do it in a room full of your admirers. It'll only encourage them more. 

PS: Hell, yeah. 

***

**19.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Man, I'm so tired. I never knew that assessments could last this long. All you guys do is just talk and talk and talk and talk. But how can this feel tiring just to hear you talk?

**19.44 :**** Sam Carter**

Maybe because we were also playing fotsie under the table, Sir. 

***

**19.46 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, a girl could dream, right? Is not like I'm going to find Mr. Right anytime soon. Might as well set a ridiculously high standard. 

What about you, Sir? What's your type of woman?

**19.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm not too picky like you. For me, as long as she appreciates my sense of humour, loves the Simpson's, doesn't mind my working on a highly classified project, understands my sarcasm, realises that I wouldn't put her above my team, puts up with my bad moods, and doesn't ask questions about my past, that should do it. 

Hey, that describes you nicely. 

***

**His Cabin and Her Cactus**

***

**11.11 :**** Sam Carter**

The lake and the cabin. I bet they are beautiful. 

**11.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

They are. There are just no words to describe it. You have to see it for yourself. 

The invitation is still there, you know. 

**11.11 :**** Sam Carter**

I know. I'll say 'yes' someday.

I promise.

After I manage to get rid of my Black Widow Curse. Don't want to kill you now, do we?

***

**15.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Since when do I care about anything but the planning, the execution and the results of an operation? 

**15.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Since you met me. 

***

**17.44 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That was so ... juvenile. 

**17.45 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, I was hoping for 'childish' rather than juvenile, but juvenile will do. 

***

**17.45 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That doesn't change the fact that you did something. To me. 

**17.46 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, I **did a lot of things to you. You'll have to be more specific. **

***

**18.32 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, you do like me better than Daniel, right? 

**18.32 :**** Sam Carter**

In general or in bed, Sir?

***

**18.32 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Remember when you blew up 'The O'Neill'? I still hate you for that. 

**18.32 :**** Sam Carter**

That was not what you said last night when I tucked you in. 

***

**His Dream and Her Prank**

***

**05.53 :**** Sam Carter**

Your favorite scientist? 

Last night I was your favorite person, and this morning you degrade me to your favorite scientist only? 

***

**05.53 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You care more about your plant than me? **I **was the one whose head was going to be 'dropped onto' with that spiky plant. 

**05.53 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, yeah. We can't play nurse if you aren't injured, can we?

***

**05.54 :**** Sam Carter**

Don't worry about it. I borrowed one of Janet's biggest needles. It was perfectly done. 

**05.54 :**** Jack O'Neill**

When you said 'borrowed', you mean 'steal', don't you?

**05.55 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, 'taking without planning to return it' is more like it. 

***

**14.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Since when do I really follow the regulations? 

**14.50 :**** Sam Carter**

So how come you haven't proposed yet? 

***

**22.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm beat. I can't even find the energy to go home. I think I'll crash at the SGC tonight. 

**22.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Me too. 

Those Jaffa sure knew how to have fun. We're not going to include that in our mission report, are we? We were supposed to talk about allegiance, not throwing a party.

***

**22.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I can be everything but a fool. What makes you think that you can make me do that? 

**22.22 :**** Sam Carter**

Because if you don't, you'll sleep on the couch tonight. 

***

**22.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I can be everything but a fool. What makes you think that you can make me do that? 

**22.22 :**** Sam Carter**

Because I promise that I'll be a naughty girl for one night especially for you if you do that. 

***

**22.24 :**** Sam Carter**

And kick their asses if they said something bad about it, Sir? 

**22.24 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh no, no, no. My knee couldn't handle that much action. Shooting will do just fine.

***

**22.44 :**** Sam Carter**

Short version: Subject A (that's you) and Subject B (that's me) are either an old married couple or this thing was just a big hoax. No one could be more compatible that those two subjects.   

Long version: Look above.

There you go. 

***

**His Intergalactic Stalker and Her Assistant**

***

**14.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, time to put the plan into action. Are you ready?

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Already? I'm in the middle of something here. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Something like creating a big honking space gun? 

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Er, not exactly creating and not exactly a space gun, but it is still important. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What is it?

**14.02 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm plotting a way to drive you crazy tonight. 

**14.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

In that case, let me know when you finish. My plan could wait. 

***

**15.19 :**** Sam Carter**

Daniel was being a gentleman. 

Hey, what would you do if a woman attacked you like that?

**15.20 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Do you really want me to answer that? 

**15.20 :**** Sam Carter**

Hell yeah. I want to know if you let any other woman (beside me) take advantage of you. 

***

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know, the next time I'm taking you to dinner, I'm just going to kidnap you from your lab and get on with it. No planning, no reservation. Just you and me in my jeep looking for someplace decent to make out. 

***

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, leave my side tonight and you won't get any for a month. And I'm not joking. I won't give her even the slightest opportunity to put on her moves. 

**21.55 :**** Sam Carter**

Are you sure you could last that long?

***

**21.55 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you're not helping. 

**21.55 :**** Sam Carter**

That's because I'm not planning to help you. 

***

**22.42 :**** Sam Carter**

Your quarters, Sir?

**22.42 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You do remember that my quarters are en-suite, right? Let's just make some excuse that I left some important notes that you need in my quarters. We'll get it together because I have the key and I don't know which notes you want. We have some guards on the door. They can keep an eye on her for a while. 

**22.43 :**** Sam Carter**

Can we also have a quickie while we're there?

***

**Note:** That's all for now. Hope you enjoy them. Reviews, feedback and bloopers are welcomed as usual. ;)


	13. His Minion and Her Colleague

**His Minion and Her Colleague**

**By Blue Topaz**

blue-topaz@lycos.com

**Note: **Finally ... I have some times to write this down. I've been busy with my new course, so I would like to apologize for the delay. Hopefully I could finish writing this series this week (but no promises *g*). Thanks to Aud who beta-read this. 

To RivErStaR: Hehehe, I watch Star Trek, but not a big fan. Thus, it didn't bug me that much. But what you were saying make sense, a lot :).

***

**_Monday, 21 July 2003_**

**02.35 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I can't believe this. 

**02.35 :**** Sam Carter**

I couldn't agree more. 

**02.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I can't believe it. 

**02.36 :**** Sam Carter**

Me too.

**02.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I can't believe it. 

**02.36 :**** Sam Carter **

Colonel, you do realize that you just repeated the same sentence three times, don't you?

**02.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I know. But I still can't believe it. 

**02.36 :**** Sam Carter **

Yes, we already covered that fact. I think it's time to move on to the next sentence. 

**02.36 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm still numb. And still can't believe it. 

**02.36 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? Are you alright? I'm starting to worry. 

**02.36 :**** Jack O'Neill **

I'm fine. I'm fine. Just a bit disappointed. 

I still can't believe it though. 

**02.36 :**** Sam Carter **

Maybe you had better go to bed now. You need it, and it's late anyway. 

**02.37 :**** Jack O'Neill **

Yeah, might as well hit the sack. 

Hey, we don't have any meetings this morning, right? 

**02.37 :**** Sam Carter **

None that I could think of. 

**02.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good. Just checking. I don't have to get up so early then. 

What about you? Do you have anything to do this morning? 

**02.37 :**** Sam Carter **

Yes, I have to set up an experiment in my lab. So I don't think I'll get any shuteye tonight. 

**02.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Can't it wait? I don't mean to sound like your father, Carter, but you need your rest. 

**02.37 :**** Sam Carter **

That's alright, Sir. I've already gotten used to it. 

**02.37 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So, what are you going to do now? 

**02.37 :**** Sam Carter **

I'm in my lab now. I better set off the project right now anyway. The sooner I start, the sooner I finish. 

**02.37 :**** Jack O'Neill **

Can't I order you to take a break? 

**02.37 :**** Sam Carter **

I'm afraid you can't, Sir. Dr. Felger needs the result of the experiment by tomorrow, so I need to do it today. 

**02.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Felger, huh? Alright then, but after that you go to your quarters and sleep, got that? And don't you try to disobey that order. I'm going to check later on, and I will personally make sure that you have that break. 

**02.38 :**** Sam Carter **

You don't have to do that, Colonel. 

**02.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes, I do. 

**02.38 :**** Sam Carter **

No, you don't. 

**02.38 :**** Jack O'Neill **

Yes, I do. 

**02.38 :**** Sam Carter **

Don't you have faith in me? 

**02.38 :**** Jack O'Neill **

No, if it has something to do with your doohickeys. 

**02.38 :**** Sam Carter **

OK, OK. I might not always do what you said if it was concerning my scientific research. 

**02.38 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good, I'll see you tomorrow, or later today actually. 

**02.38 :**** Sam Carter**

Have a good sleep, Colonel. 

**02.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Thank you. 

And Carter, I still can't believe it. 

**02.39 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. You and I both. 

We can't believe that the restaurant where we were having our dinner caught on fire in the middle of the main course. 

**02.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Do you think that we were cursed? We appear to bring trouble wherever we go. 

PS: I can't believe we didn't get our fortune cookies. 

**02.39 :**** Sam Carter**

I don't know. We might do. 

PS: Don't tell me that you believe in those cookies. 

**02.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're such a pessimist. 

PS: I don't care what they say. I actually like the cookies themselves. 

**02.39 :**** Sam Carter**

You're the one who asked the question.

PS: Oh.

**02.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So? 

**02.39 :**** Sam Carter**

Nothing. Night, Sir. Have a nice dream. 

**02.40 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Thanks. Have fun with your project. 

**02.40 :**** Sam Carter**

I will. 

**02.40 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh, one more thing. 

I still can't believe it. 

**02.40 :**** Sam Carter**

I know. Believe me, I know. 

***

**16.10 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? What did you do to Dr. Felger? And please, be honest with me. 

**16.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I did nothing. 

And that is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 

**16.10 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel ... I know you're lying.

**16.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I did nothing. Well, at least not directly. 

See, I'm not lying.

**16.11 :**** Sam Carter**

I wonder why I am not surprised with that revelation. 

**16.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What is THAT supposed to mean?

**16.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Nothing. So, who's the minion this time? 

**16.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What minion?

**16.11 :**** Sam Carter**

The one that you sent to scare Jay half-to-death. He was practically shaking like a leaf when he came to my lab earlier and told me that he didn't need the result of my experiment today after all. And don't tell me that you had nothing to do with it. 

**16.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Jay? You're on a first name basis with that geek? 

**16.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Don't avoid my question. 

And yes, I'm on a first name basis with him. We had some overlapping project interests in the past, a colleague, nothing more. Besides, we (the SGC's scientists) are quite close to each other due to the secret nature of our work. So yeah, first name basis. Is there something wrong with that?

**16.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

But this is FELGER we're talking about. 

And please, don't tell me that you're on a first name basis with McKay as well. 

**16.11 :**** Sam Carter**

So? Jay is a brilliant scientist actually, if you ignore the fact that he is a little bit weird. Actually, he's too weird for his own good, but anyway ... 

And no. McKay is not actually my associate, so I don't call him by his first name. Not that I want to. 

**16.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, may I remind you that that nerd actually put you (and us) in a very dangerous situation more than once? And you call him 'Jay'? Don't you ever stop to think that maybe it'll mislead him to assume that you actually like him?

**16.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, I kinda like him. 

**16.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You LIKE Felger? Are you mad?

**16.12 :**** Sam Carter**

He's funny. In a strange way. 

**16.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm gonna pretend that we never had this conversation. In fact, I'm gonna pretend that he does not exist at all. 

**16.12 :**** Sam Carter**

That's fine by me. And Sir, I still want to know, which minion did you use to scare poor Jay. 

**16.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Didn't you read what I just typed? I'm gonna pretend that we never had this conversation. 

**16.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, I did read that. But I still want to know. And if you try to avoid my question again, I'll tell Freya where you are. You do realize that she wants to say goodbye to you before she leaves this evening, don't you?

**16.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Traitor! You wouldn't dare.

**16.12 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll do anything to get what I want. Well, almost anything, anyway. So? Who is it?

**16.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You turn into a double agent so easily these days, you know that?

**16.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Insulting me won't get you out of my question, you know. 

**16.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Fine, fine. 

It was Griff. 

**16.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Griff? Are you serious? No wonder Jay was so upset. What do you promise Griff anyway? Because I know for sure that he's not one of your faithful underlings.

**16.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nothing that might interest you. 

**16.12 :**** Sam Carter**

It wouldn't have something to do with our next mission, would it?

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

How the Hell did you know that? 

**16.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Never underestimate the power of gossips. So, it's true then? 

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What's true?

**16.13 :**** Sam Carter**

That Major Griff has a crush on one of the Prefects in P87 B67. 

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I don't know. What I know is that he wants to accompany us there on Wednesday. 

**16.13 :**** Sam Carter**

You promised him that in exchange for having a word with Jay, didn't you?

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Of course I did. It's not everyday that Griff has something to ask of me. Might as well take full advantage of it. 

**16.13 :**** Sam Carter**

I'm worried about the future of the SGC. You're not exactly setting a good example, if I may be frank, Sir. 

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Speak for yourself. 

**16.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Alright, alright, we BOTH aren't setting a good example. But that was only because you've corrupted me. 

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh puhlease. There is no way that you can put that kind of blame on me. 

**16.13 :**** Sam Carter**

I just did. 

Anyway, thanks for the information. I need to have a word with Griff now. 

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, what about your project? Have you finished it yet?

**16.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, I have. 

**16.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Then do as you promised me you would. Go take a break; you can talk to Griff later. Don't make me come and check that you do that myself. 

**16.14 :**** Sam Carter**

It won't take long, I swear. Five minutes, maybe a little bit more. And then I'll retreat to my quarters. You can have my word on that.

**16.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Where are you now?

**16.14 :**** Sam Carter**

My lab. 

**16.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'll come and get you now. I'll make sure that you use exactly five minutes to talk to Griff. 

**16.14 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, I don't need a curfew. 

**16.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes, you do. And don't argue. I'll be there in a minute. 

**16.14 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel, I'm not a little kid who needs a babysitter. 

**16.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, you're a big girl who needs someone to make sure that you don't overwork yourself. 

**16.14 :**** Sam Carter**

It's so unfair. I can't continue this argument if you put it that way. 

**16.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know I'm right. I'll meet you in your lab, Carter. Don't go anywhere. 

**16.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Understood. 

*** 

**16.56 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? Are you there? 

**16.56 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I thought I told you to get to sleep. 

**16.56 :**** Sam Carter**

No, you ordered me not to leave my bed. Which I haven't. 

Anyway, Janet had just called me. Did you really put an SF in front of my door? She said that one of the nurses saw someone hovering around my quarters. 

**16.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Of course not. It's just Siler putting a new bolt on your door. 

**16.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel ... seriously, did you put an SF on my door?

**16.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I didn't. 

**16.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Really? 

**16.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes. Why? Is there an SF outside your door? 

**16.57 :**** Sam Carter**

I wouldn't know, would I? You practically forbade me from leaving my bed until at least 23.00. My eyes aren't capable of seeing through walls. They don't have an X-ray vision. 

**16.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So, what are you saying?

**16.57 :**** Sam Carter**

This is so embarrassing, but I'm going to ask you anyway. 

Can I have your permission to check it out, Sir? I don't want to get into any trouble if you found out that I disobeyed your direct order. 

PS: What kind of direct order is this anyway?

**16.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Sure, knock yourself out. But I want you get back to your bed as soon as possible. And Major, there's a reason why I ordered you to do that. Get some sleep, got that?

PS: A sensible one. 

**16.57 :**** Sam Carter**

I will. 

PS: No comment on that. 

**16.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh yeah, don't forget to report back to me when you've found out who's been hanging around your door. 

**16.58 :**** Sam Carter**

OK.

***

**17.09 :**** Sam Carter**

You won't like this. 

**17.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What won't I like?

**17.09 :**** Sam Carter**

Promise me you won't do anything rash. 

**17.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Define 'rash' to me. And what wouldn't I like? 

**17.09 :**** Sam Carter**

You know the guy that Janet's nurse saw?

**17.09 :**** Jack O'Neill**

The one that was spotted outside your quarters? What about him?

**17.10 :**** Sam Carter**

Promise me you won't do anything about it if I told you who it is. I can take care of him myself. 

**17.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

It's not Felger, is it? 

**17.10 :**** Sam Carter**

You have to promise me. 

**17.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So, it is Felger. 

**17.10 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, yes, it is him. Sometimes, I wish that we didn't know each other this much. 

**17.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What did he want? 

**17.10 :**** Sam Carter**

He just wants to apologize for making me work all day, which he shouldn't, because it's my job anyway. 

**17.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That doesn't sound so bad. Why would I want to do something about it? 

**17.10 :**** Sam Carter**

Before I tell you that, are you drinking or eating anything? You might want to put them down first. I don't want to be responsible for any spillage or choking. 

**17.10 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I won't like this, will I?

**17.11 :**** Sam Carter**

No, you won't. 

**17.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Go on then, tell me. 

**17.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Promise me you won't do anything about it. 

**17.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I promise.

**17.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Now, do that one more time without crossing your fingers behind your back. 

**17.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

D'oh.

I promise. Again. Without crossing my fingers behind my back. 

Happy now? Just tell me about it already. 

**17.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Well ... he kinda invited me to have dinner and meet his mother next week as an apology gesture. 

**17.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

He did WHAT? 

**17.11 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Colonel, he did what I just told you he did. 

**17.11 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You didn't happen to say 'yes', did you?

**17.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Err ... I might have.

**17.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What do you mean you MIGHT HAVE? 

**17.12 :**** Sam Carter**

I was tired and half-asleep. I can't remember what he said exactly, but he gave me this gorgeous box of chocolates and I said 'thank you'. While I accepted it, he might have invited me to dinner and took the 'thank you' as a 'yes'. Before I could correct him, he was already out of my sight. He was so exited. 

**17.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you're not seriously considering having dinner with his mother, are you? 

**17.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Come to think of it, it isn't such a bad thing. I mean, Jay and I are friends anyway. 

**17.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I need to lie down for a moment. 

**17.12 :**** Sam Carter**

Alright. I'm going to sleep now. I'll see you around, Colonel. And please don't forget that you promised to let me handle this on my own. 

**17.12 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That little weasel. He is so lucky to have a friend like you. 

**17.13 :**** Sam Carter**

Thanks, Sir. I really appreciate this. 

**17.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Alright, sweet dreams. And let me know when you wake up, OK?

**17.13 :**** Sam Carter**

I will. 

***

**21.32 :**** Sam Carter**

Major Samantha Carter reporting for duty, Sir.

**21.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Ah, so you have woken up. How was your sleep?

**21.33 :**** Sam Carter**

It was good. Thank you for asking. It wasn't much, but if I take too long a nap, I won't be able to sleep tonight. 

**21.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Great. Meet me at the commissary in half an hour, OK? 

**21.33 :**** Sam Carter**

Commissary? What for?

**21.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

We're celebrating the fact that a certain Tok'ra has just gated back to her own planet. 

**21.33 :**** Sam Carter**

Don't start the party without me. 

**21.33 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I wouldn't dream on it. 

***

**23.57 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh yeah, Sir. I've been meaning to ask this. Have you made any plans for the SGC's BBQ party that the General asked you to organize? 

**23.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Not yet. But I was thinking about doing it on Sunday. We'll be back from P87 B67 on Friday night, right? 

**23.57 :**** Sam Carter**

If everything goes according to plan, yes, we'll be back on Friday. 

**23.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Good, I'll go and ask Daniel to help me arrange it. 

**23.57 :**** Sam Carter**

I thought this party is FOR Daniel. 

**23.57 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes, it is. That's why he has to help me with it. 

**23.58 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh ... OK. Good luck with it, Colonel. If you need my help, just give me a shout. 

**23.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Thanks, Carter. 

Hey, can I ask you, what are you going to say to Griff tomorrow?

**23.58 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, if it wasn't for you, I could have said it today. But as you only gave me five minutes, then I'll have to say it tomorrow. Besides, I don't want to say - whatever - in front of you. 

**23.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

It's for your own good. So, what are you going to say to him? 

**23.58 :**** Sam Carter**

Something that you shouldn't know.

**23.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter ... tell me!

**23.58 :**** Sam Carter**

Night, Sir. And thanks for the dinner earlier today and just now. 

**23.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Major ... what is it that I shouldn't know? 

**23.58 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll see you tomorrow, Sir. I know how much you want me to rest, so I'm going to do just that now. 

**23.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're getting sneakier lately. 

**23.58 :**** Sam Carter**

That's courtesy of hanging around with you. 

**23.58 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I give up. I'll see you tomorrow. 

**23.59 :**** Sam Carter**

Bye.

***

**Note**: The next one would be **'His Geek and Her Private Lesson'**, and Jack shared his third lesson in life with us *g*. Any feedback, reviews and bloopers are always greatly appreciated as usual. 

**02.39 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Do you think that we were cursed? We appear to bring trouble wherever we go. 

PS: Don't you know that I was just about to kiss you before the fire alarm went off?  

**02.39 :**** Sam Carter**

I don't know. We might do. 

PS: You did? 

Stupid restaurant.


	14. His Headache and Her Enterprise

**His Headache and Her ****Enterprise******

**By Blue Topaz**

**blue-topaz@lycos.com**

**Note: **Thanks to everyone who had send me their reviews and feedback. It does encourages me to write more. And thanks to Aud who beta-read this one for me. And yeah, I realized that I've given you the wrong title in previous story, it was one of a few options that I have for this one. But I think this one is much appropriate title to use. You'll see why. ****

*****__**

**_Tuesday, 22 July 2003_**

**11.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, do you realize that there are rumors going around the SGC that you are having an affair with Felger? And believe it or not, people are asking me for confirmation. What do you want me to say to them?

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

Are you serious? Jay and me? An affair? 

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, I am. And yes, you and that geek. Having an affair. 

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

You do realize that technically, I'm a geek too. And technically, for me to have an affair, I must have a husband or a boyfriend. The last time I checked, I still lacked either. 

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, but you are a cool geek. And technically, you know how to use a P-90 too. Thus, I will never say it out loud. And you were having an affair because apparently, you and one of the other SG-1 members, (me, Daniel or Teal'c, some even speculated that it was Jonas) had been seeing each other behind everyone else's back. 

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

As bizarre as this conversation turns, can you please confirm that you didn't make that gossip up. 

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Not me. Maybe Felger's been boasting about his 'date' with you. Who knows? But it's definitely not me who revealed this new piece of information. 

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

It's not a date. And I think you were right when you said that it'd send him the wrong signals. I'm going to cancel it. 

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you sure you can handle a grown man crying, Carter? I bet that is what he'll do when you call the whole thing off. Imagine his eyes glistening with tears, and then the pathetic sobbing will start ... 

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

Are you serious? It won't be that bad, will it? 

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Just let me know when you're going to break the news - or his heart for that matter, I want to see it. It should be a very fine piece of entertainment. 

**11.34 : Sam Carter**

You're the kind of person who takes pleasure from the suffering of others, aren't you? 

**11.34 : Jack O'Neill**

That's me alright. And don't you dare deny that you're not the same. I know you. 

**11.34 : Sam Carter**

I'm not denying it. But I'm not confirming it, either. 

**11.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Sweet. So be a good girl and share your fun, OK?

**11.34 : Sam Carter**

With all due respect, Sir; IN YOUR DREAMS. 

If I'm going to do it, I'll do it in private, away from prying eyes such as yours. 

**11.34 : Jack O'Neill**

You've wounded me. I'm not prying. I'm witnessing an important event. 

**11.34 : Sam Carter**

You're not very convincing in acting like the 'wounded man'. There is no desperation or hurt in your writing. You need more practice, Sir. 

**11.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Fine, fine. Go break that geek's heart in private. You don't have to insult me. 

**11.34 : Sam Carter**

You make it sound as if I'm a cold-hearted woman. 

**11.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Nah. An evil woman is more like it. 

**11.34 : Sam Carter**

What's wrong with evil? Evil is good. 

**11.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes it is. As long as I'm not the victim, then I enjoy your evilness immensely. 

**11.35 : Sam Carter**

I'm glad that you like it. It's nice to know that you at least appreciate my work in that department.

**11.35 : Jack O'Neill**

What are you saying? I always appreciate all your work. 

**11.35 : Sam Carter**

Sure. That's why you always ask whether the project that I'm currently working on involves the creation of a big honking space gun or not. 

**11.35 : Jack O'Neill**

You can't blame me for pestering you for that! Who knows, one day you will finally succumb and spend all your precious time creating that gun I've been wanting to fire up the Goa'ulds' ass. I'll guarantee that it'll be time worth spending. 

O'Neill's third lesson in life: Ask (constantly), and thy shall receive. 

**11.35 : Sam Carter**

It's more like: 'Bug people (constantly), and they shall do whatever I say, whether they like it or not' to me.

**11.35 : Jack O'Neill**

You're a very perceptive person, Major. I like that. 

**11.36 : Sam Carter**

Flattery won't get you anywhere, Colonel. Creating a weapon like that would be beyond my capabilities. 

**11.36 : Jack O'Neill**

Since when did that ever stop you? You have a knack of doing impossible things, don't you?

**11.36 : Sam Carter**

Whoops, look at the time. I have to go now. Janet and I are having lunch together. Probably off-base. I'll see you at the 15.00 briefing. 

**11.36 : Jack O'Neill**

You're getting good at avoiding my questions. 

**11.36 : Sam Carter**

I have a good mentor. But I've really gotta go now, Sir. 

**11.36 : Jack O'Neill**

OK. Enjoy your lunch. 

**11.36 : Sam Carter**

Thanks. Do you want me to buy you something while I'm in town? 

**11.36 : Jack O'Neill**

Nah, you and the Doc go have your girly meeting. 

**11.37 : Sam Carter**

Girly meeting? 

**11.37 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes. Is there something wrong with that?

**11.37 : Sam Carter**

Anyone else, I wouldn't let them get away with it. But because it's you, I guess I have to let this one go. 

**11.37 : Jack O'Neill**

Sweet. 

**11.37 : Sam Carter**

See you later, Colonel.

**11.37 : Jack O'Neill**

See you, Carter. Have fun with the Doc. 

***

**14.37 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I saw Daniel engrossed in his new Palm in the commissary. Have you just given it to him? 

**14.37 : Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. That's the Palm that I promised him last week. 

**14.38 : Jack O'Neill**

He wouldn't happen to have access to this journal, would he? 

**14.38 : Sam Carter**

No, no. I didn't install that function on his. He won't need it anyway. 

**14.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. For a moment, I was a bit worried there. 

**14.38 : Sam Carter**

Worried? Why? 

**14.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Because if Daniel is joining us, you'll stop being the annoying, calculating, manipulating and not to mention the witty person that you are, and transform back to being your usual self. 

**14.38 : Sam Carter**

Er ... can you rephrase that in terms that don't make me feel insulted? 

**14.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Sure. 

If Daniel's here, you'll stop being honest with me. 

**14.38 : Sam Carter**

What are you talking about? I'm always honest with you. 

**14.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Maybe 'honest' wasn't such a good word to describe it. What I mean is, you'll withhold yourself, given our working relationship and our ranks in the military, in front of the others. There is something that you can't and won't speak out loud. But here, because it's just the two of us, there's nothing to restrict you. And if Daniel was here, then that's what will happen. 

**14.39 : Sam Carter**

I can see your point. Even though I love Daniel like a brother, he is not 'us', is he?

**14.39 : Jack O'Neill**

No, he's not. And I love having something that is exclusively for us. I want to keep it that way. 

**14.39 : Sam Carter**

Me too. 

**14.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Alright, now that it is sorted, have you told Felger yet? 

**14.39 : Sam Carter**

Yes, I have. 

**14.39 : Jack O'Neill**

And?

**14.39 : Sam Carter**

And what?

**14.39 : Jack O'Neill**

What happened? Did he cry? Did he scream? Or did he just go mental?

**14.39 : Sam Carter**

None of the above. I hope. 

**14.39 : Jack O'Neill**

You hope? What do you mean 'you hope'?

**14.39 : Sam Carter**

I sent him an email. I've been busy. 

**14.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, Carter, Carter. I thought I taught you better than this. 

**14.40 : Sam Carter**

He wasn't in today. And I don't want to postpone the cancellation any longer. It's better for him to know about it earlier, rather than later. I did say that I was very sorry, though. And I also explained the whole misunderstanding to him. 

**14.40 : Jack O'Neill**

I can't believe that I feel sorry for Felger. Getting dumped by email. How sad is that?

**14.40 : Sam Carter**

I was not 'dumping' him. We never were an item to begin with. 

**14.40 : Jack O'Neill**

That's not what the grapevine said, the last time I heard. 

**14.40 : Sam Carter**

Dare I ask, what was it saying?

**14.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Probably not. But you're not the kind of girl who gets scared easily, are you?

So, here's the deal. Felger was planning to propose to you tonight. And don't shoot me; I'm just the messenger, but it appears that the reason why he was proposing is because you were carrying his child. 

**14.40 : Sam Carter**

I'm what? Have they gone mad? 

**14.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Nope. MacKenzie's monthly report doesn't indicate that. They are perfectly sane.

**14.40 : Sam Carter**

Maybe he should run the assessments again, I'm sure the results will come out differently than the previous ones.

**14.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Enough with that. So what did you actually say in the email? 

**14.41 : Sam Carter**

Well, I said that I've been busy, and that I was afraid I couldn't make it for the dinner that he invited me to. I also subtly explained that I didn't actually say 'yes' to the invitation anyway. Believe me when I tell you that you would be very proud of me if you read what I had written. It was stylishly done. 

**14.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Rejection is a rejection, no matter how thick you sugarcoat the words. He must have been very upset when he read it. 

**14.41 : Sam Carter**

Well, if you are that concerned about him, maybe you could cheer him up, Sir. You know how much he looks up to you. 

**14.41 : Jack O'Neill**

There are things that I would not do. Even for you. 

**14.41 : Sam Carter**

Seriously, what's wrong with him anyway? 

**14.41 : Jack O'Neill**

He's a geek. 

**14.41 : Sam Carter**

So am I. 

**14.41 : Jack O'Neill**

But you are a cool geek. MY geek. 

**14.41 : Sam Carter**

Yes, you said that already. And I know how to use a P-90 too. But honestly, he knows how to do that now. And he's also kinda cool, in a scientific kind of way. 

**14.42 : Jack O'Neill**

See. That's why I never saw him as a cool guy. 

**14.42 : Sam Carter**

I guess I could let you off this time. Anyway, I have to go now, see you in the briefing. 

**14.42 : Jack O'Neill**

OK. Bye. 

**14.42 : Sam Carter**

Bye.

***

**15.07 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, I just remembered something, what did you say to Griff? He looked at me funny in the commissary earlier. 

***

**15.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, do you copy?

***

**15.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Major, stop ignoring me! And that's an order.

***

**15.16 : Sam Carter**

Colonel, we've talked about this earlier, didn't we? Messaging each other during briefings is very risky. I thought you had agreed not to do it anymore. 

Obviously, you still think that this is a good idea. 

And please stop nudging me with your elbow. I'm sitting next to you, why can't we just pass notes like normal people do? 

**15.16 : Jack O'Neill**

Because we're not normal people. And we do risky things every day, why should this one be different? 

**15.17 : Sam Carter**

Because THIS risky thing could cost us our jobs. 

**15.17 : Jack O'Neill**

And this is bad, how? 

**15.17 : Sam Carter**

OK, our jobs and my professionalism in the eye of the general population. How's that? 

**15.17 : Jack O'Neill**

And this is worse, how? 

**15.17 : Sam Carter**

Colonel ... 

**15.17 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll let this one go if you tell me what you said to Griff. 

**15.17 : Sam Carter**

I just let him know that there are other ways to get what he wants from you. He didn't have to do everything that you asked him to do. I said that he was welcome to join the '**Manipulating Colonel O'Neill 101**' class. It only costs $20 per hour, a very good price for the new skills that he will have acquired once he finishes the course. 

**15.18 : Jack O'Neill**

Ha ha. Come on, Carter, be honest with me. 

**15.18 : Sam Carter**

I am being honest with you. 

**15.18 : Jack O'Neill**

Major ... 

**15.18 : Sam Carter**

I am. 

**15.18 : Jack O'Neill**

This is a real deal, isn't it? You're being serious, aren't you?

**15.18 : Sam Carter**

Yes, and yes. Daniel and I co-organized this course. Sometimes Teal'c helps too. It's a fun class to be in, Sir. Trust me when I say that we have no problem with getting people to join. It's very popular. 

And it's such easy money to make, too. 

***

**15.20 : Sam Carter**

Are you alright, Sir? It's so unusual for you to be this quiet.

**15.20 : Jack O'Neill**

I have a headache. 

**15.20 : Sam Carter**

Now that I've told you what you wanted to know, can I go back to concentrating on Daniel? This is a briefing after all ... Sir. 

**15.21 : Jack O'Neill**

Yeah, yeah. Do whatever you want. Like what I say matters to you anyway. 

**15.21 : Sam Carter**

Sure it matters. I'll talk to you later, OK? Don't panic too much, it wasn't that bad. 

**15.21 : Jack O'Neill**

Easy for you to say. Just give me some time to recover first. 

**15.21 : Sam Carter**

You can take all the time you want. 

***

**18.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Alright, I've thought this through and there is only one thing that I could come up with. 

I know that there is no point in telling you to stop this illegal activity, so I'll settle for compensation instead. I want a 50% cut from the profits for copyright infringement. And this is a non-negotiable term. 

**18.09 : Sam Carter**

50%? You kidding, right? 

**18.10 : Jack O'Neill**

No. 50% or I'll tell the General about this little enterprise of yours. 

**18.10 : Sam Carter**

Ah ... you forgot one little thing about that treat, Sir. You don't actually have proof about my entrepreneur status. 

Besides, is this how you repay my honesty? I could have left you in the dark forever, but I was being a good friend, and let you know about this. 

**18.10 : Jack O'Neill**

A good friend, huh? Tell me, how long has this been going on then? 

**18.10 : Sam Carter**

Do you want the honest answer or the vague answer? 

**18.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh no. That long? 

**18.10 : Sam Carter**

That long. 

**18.10 : Jack O'Neill**

My headache is coming back. 

**18.10 : Sam Carter**

Tell you what, every time we go on a team night out, you don't have to pay for anything, how's that? We'll use the profit for that instead. 

**18.11 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, my headache. 

**18.11 : Sam Carter**

Get some rest, Sir. We'll talk about this later. 

**18.11 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, I can assure you that we will. 

***

**22.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Okay, okay, I accept your offer. 

I'm not happy with it, but hey, that's the best that I could do. 

**22.34 : Sam Carter**

You won't regret it. 

**22.34 : Jack O'Neill**

It better be the case. Or else, you're the one who will regret it. 

**22.34 : Sam Carter**

Don't worry, you won't. Has the headache gone yet? 

**22.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Not completely, but I'll live. I think I'm going to turn in early tonight, it's been a long day, thanks to you. 

**22.35 : Sam Carter**

Yes, it has. Sorry to drop the bombshell so suddenly like that, Sir, but you asked for it. 

**22.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Why did you tell me about this now, and not earlier? 

**22.35 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. Perhaps it's because we're on a different level of trust than we were a couple of weeks ago. 

**22.35 : Jack O'Neill**

I think I like the sound of that. 

**22.35 : Sam Carter**

Goodnight, Sir. I hope your headache will be gone by tomorrow. 

**22.36 : Jack O'Neill**

Thanks. Goodnight to you too. 

***

**AN:** The next one would be **'His General and Her Father'. As usual, reviews, feedback and bloopers are welcomed ;). I have one to stimulate your mind:**

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, but you are a cool geek. And technically, you know how to use a P-90 too. Thus, I will never say it out loud. And you were having an affair because apparently, you and I have been 'experimenting' with each other ever since we came back from our first mission from Abydoss. Another reason why I won't say it outloud. You 're the only person who can strangle me in my sleep. 

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

How on Earth could they possibly find out about that? You didn't brag about it, did you? 


	15. His General and Her Father

**His General and Her Father**

**By Blue Topaz**

**blue-topaz@lycos.com**

**AN: **Thanks for everyone who reviewed the stories so far. I have so much fun writing it. 

To Kendarath: I swear, I write this before you send in your review. Read on to see what I mean with it *g*. And I've written the sequel for 'Thread of Destiny' titled 'Complicated Heart', and a sequel for that one as well, titled 'Dreamers of Your Dream'. And that's it *g*. 

To Zoe6 : Thanks for mentioning the typo. I fixed them as soon as I received your review notification. 

*****__**

**_Wednesday, 23 July 2003_**

**11.48 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, are you the crazy person who requested to postpone our departure time for our next mission? I've already asked Daniel, he said it wasn't him. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't me or Teal'c either. 

**11.49 :**** Sam Carter**

Me? Crazy person? Are you sure? 

**11.49 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Tell me then, who in their right mind would want to go to another planet at 00.00? 

**11.49 :**** Sam Carter**

People who actually calculate the time difference between two planets?

**11.49 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh. Right. Yes. Sorry. I forgot about that little fact. 

**11.50 :**** Sam Carter**

Don't mention it. 

Hey, what about the 'crazy' part? 

**11.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes, I take that back too. Happy now? 

**11.50 :**** Sam Carter**

Thank you. 

**11.50 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Hey, wanna have lunch together? 

**11.51 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll meet you at the commissary in fifteen minutes. 

**11.51 :**** Jack O'Neill**

See you there. 

***

**13.16 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, the General is looking for us. He wants us in his office at 14.00. 

**13.16 :**** Jack O'Neill**

OK. Do you know what this is all about? 

**13.17 :**** Sam Carter**

I don't know. I just got my memo a few minutes ago. I reckon I should let you know since I'm quite sure that this particular memo will suffer the same fate as your other memos. 

**13.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

What is that supposed to mean? 

**13.17 :**** Sam Carter**

Before I dignify that question with my answer, can you answer just this one tiny little question? 

**13.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Knock yourself out. 

**13.17 :**** Sam Carter**

When is the last time you ever read any of your memos? Or received them for that matter?

**13.17 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I was digging my own grave by asking you that question, wasn't I? 

**13.17 :**** Sam Carter**

You said it, Sir. Not me. 

**13.18 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Anyway, thank you for letting me know about this. I'll see you at the General's office at 14.00. 

**13.18 :**** Sam Carter**

You're welcome. I'll see you there. 

***

**14.59 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So ... 

**14.59 :**** Sam Carter**

So ...

**14.59 :**** Jack O'Neill**

This is it then. 

**15.00 :**** Sam Carter**

I guess so. This is it. 

**15.00 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I guess we underestimated Hammond. He got those stars for a reason. 

**15.00 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, I guess it can't be helped. After all, we weren't being too secretive with it. And he knew about the existence of this journal all along, the only one else who knew excluding us. Let's face it, Sir. We did abuse this journal a bit. We used our Palm during briefings twice, in his presence. He was bound to do something about it. 

Besides, I bet that Daniel already knew about this. Or had an inkling. Teal'c and Janet too. They've been asking some questions about our 'odd' behavior lately. 

**15.00 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Odd, huh? I don't mind being odd. 

**15.00 :**** Sam Carter**

Neither do I. 

**15.00 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I don't know what to say, really. 

**15.00 :**** Sam Carter**

Me either. Goodbye sucks. 

**15.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

We still have till the end of this week, right?

**15.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes. That's the deadline that the General gave us. Luckily for us, he never did order us to end this when the first week was over, thus he didn't even reprimand us. 

**15.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, he didn't. He just told us delicately not to waste the taxpayers' money and do our job. 

George is a generous man. A good man. 

**15.01 :**** Sam Carter**

He is. 

**15.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Right. I don't want to spend these last moments depressed over something. Let's just take full advantage of it. 

**15.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir? 

**15.01 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Let's bring our Palms on our mission tomorrow. Or tonight. Whichever you prefer to call it.

**15.01 :**** Sam Carter**

Bring them on the mission? Are you serious? Isn't that pushing it a little bit too far?

**15.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Yes. Why not? If these four days are going to be our last days, I want to spend as much time as possible with you. 

**15.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Colonel, take a deep breath. You're talking like we were about to die or something. 

**15.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're right, I might be overreacting a bit. But I still want to bring them on the mission. I want to know how it'll feel like to do just that. I might never have the chance to do it again. 

**15.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Are you sure about this? This is the kind of thing that made the General want us to end this journal. 

**15.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Come on, Carter, be adventurous! Let your hair down for once. And don't think about what Hammond wants, think about what YOU want. 

PS: If it'll make you feel better, I could order you to do it. 

**15.02 :**** Sam Carter**

Let me think about it for a while. 

PS: Can you actually do that? I don't think so.

**15.02 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know you want to. You said that you wanted to test how powerful the communication device in our Palms you reverse engineered from the Tok'ra is. See, this is the perfect opportunity for that. 

PS: Nothing is impossible if you try hard enough. 

**15.02 :**** Sam Carter**

You've been listening to what I've been saying? Science wise? 

PS: Let me guess, O'Neill fourth lesson in life? 

**15.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oy, you don't have to sound so shocked. I have some interest in your research. Something other than big honking space guns. Communication is important, it could be used to help us. It's very crucial in planning military tactics or strategies. 

PS: Of course not, that's the seventh ... or maybe the eighth. Can't remember for sure. My fourth is: Have fun, life is too short. 

**15.03 :**** Sam Carter**

You know what? As a reward of actually listening to my science blabbering (as you once adequately called it), I'll do it. 

PS: Just how many lessons in life do the O'Neills have?

**15.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That's the spirit. 

This way, we could spy on Griff more easily. 

PS: As many as possible. 

**15.03 :**** Sam Carter**

Huh? You never said anything about spying on Major Griff. 

**15.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, he had a crush on one of the alien girls, do you know what this means? 

**15.03 :**** Sam Carter**

That you won't let him have the girl because it was supposed to be your forte? And if you can't have the girl, no one can? 

May I say for the record that if you said 'yes', I would likely reply with: 'That is so selfish of you, Sir.'

**15.03 :**** Jack O'Neill**

No, smart-ass. This means that we could make him the newest source for the SGC rumor mill. I got tired of people stopping me on my way or interrupting my lunch and asking me about your love life with Felger (why are they're asking me anyway? Why not Daniel? Or Teal'c? Or you?). And yes, you heard me right. According to them, this is the latest development that I've heard this morning: you two were fighting because you refused to back down and become a housewife after the two of you get married. Someone heard him complaining to his assistant Chloe that's why you postponing the wedding. 

***

**15.06 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You OK? You haven't replied to the last entry. 

**15.06 :**** Sam Carter**

In time I'll be OK. I guess. To be honest, that one creeps me out. How could they come out with something like that? Those people really have too much free time on their hands. Do you think I could ask General Hammond to add to their workload a bit?

**15.06 :**** Jack O'Neill**

And make them hate you? 

**15.07 :**** Sam Carter**

Well, I was thinking along the line of YOU asking General. They hate you already, so I don't think it'll make that much of a difference. 

**15.07 :**** Jack O'Neill**

And what's in it for me if I do this little favor for you? 

**15.07 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll help you spy on Griff. 

**15.07 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Er ... didn't you read what I wrote earlier? We do this so that the whole you and Felger thing becomes yesterday's news. This is as much for you as it is for me. 

**15.07 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, but I don't really care about the rumors anyway. For all I care, they can say that I'm a freak. You on the other hand, you want to get back at him because you know that he takes my 'Manipulating Colonel O'Neill 101' class. 

**15.07 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You don't care about the rumors? So, why do you want to get back at these people who spread the rumors then? 

**15.07 :**** Sam Carter**

Because I believe that they could do more productive things with their time. 

**15.07 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Nice try, Carter. But I'm no fool. You can't trick me like that. 

**15.08 :**** Sam Carter**

Can't blame a girl for trying. 

All right then, what if I cook something for you on Saturday? We could go shopping for the SGC's BBQ party and then have dinner at my house afterwards. 

**15.08 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Really? 

**15.08 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, really. I might not be a great cook, but I can cook a decent meal. 

**15.08 :**** Jack O'Neill**

If you let me bring the wine, then it's a deal. 

**15.08 :**** Sam Carter**

Great. I'll see you later then, Sir. I'm going to take a nap, I'll need it for our mission. 

**15.08 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Alright, I'll let you get some beauty sleep. 

**15.08 :**** Sam Carter**

Bye. 

***

**19.25 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, are you awake? 

**19.25 :**** Sam Carter**

I am now. Is there something wrong, Sir? 

**19.25 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Whoops, sorry to wake you up. But this is rather important. We've just received a transmission from the Tok'ra. Your Dad and my stalker are going to join us to P87 B67. They'll be here in about half an hour. I thought you'd want to welcome him in the Gateroom. 

**19.26 :**** Sam Carter**

Dad's coming with us? That's great. And thanks for letting me know. I'll freshen up a bit and meet you in the Gateroom in fifteen minutes. 

**19.26 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Uh, Carter, I don't know if you're completely awake or still half-asleep right now, but did you just read what I wrote? There is no way that I'm going to be anywhere near the Gateroom for at least an hour. 

**19.26 :**** Sam Carter**

Yes, Dad is coming. I thought you liked him. You always greet him every time he comes here. What's wrong with today?

**19.26 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You're still half-asleep then. Scroll up a bit and read who's coming with him. 

**19.26 :**** Sam Carter**

Oh my. 

**19.26 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh my indeed. 

**19.27 :**** Sam Carter**

More reason for you to be in the Gateroom then. 

**19.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Go drink a cup of coffee, then we'll talk again. You know, I've never noticed up until now that you're not that sharp when you're half-asleep. 

**19.27 :**** Sam Carter**

But we made a pact that we'd stay together for better or worse when she's around, didn't we? You haven't forgotten about that already, have you?

**19.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

It was so last week. It's no longer valid. 

**19.27 :**** Sam Carter**

All right then, if she somehow puts her moves on you while we're on the planet, don't coming running to me for help, OK? 

**19.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Damn. 

OK, OK. I'll see you in the Gateroom then. 

**19.27 :**** Sam Carter**

Thank you, Sir. You're so kind. 

**19.27 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Kind, my ass. 

Is this the kind of manipulation that you teach in your class? 

**19.27 :**** Sam Carter**

One of many, yes. 

**19.28 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I want the list of all the people who have taken this class. 

**19.28 :**** Sam Carter**

Sorry Sir, but I can't do that. The contract clearly said that I have to protect the anonymous status of my students. 

**19.28 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh, you protect them, huh? What about me? Why didn't you protect me? Instead you exploited me to the whole world. 

**19.28 :**** Sam Carter**

Because you can take everything that I dish out, Sir. You don't need protection. Besides, even though they have the knowledge, only one or two are brave enough to put it in practice. 

**19.28 :**** Jack O'Neill**

You know what? I do need protection. From you. 

**19.28 :**** Sam Carter**

Come on, Colonel. I'm not that bad. Am I?

**19.28 :**** Jack O'Neill**

That is what I classify as a rhetorical question. I'll see you in the Gateroom, Carter. 

**19.29 :**** Sam Carter**

See you there. 

***

**23.13 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter, just saw your Dad in the General's office. Where are you now? 

**23.14 :**** Sam Carter**

In my quarters, Sir, getting ready for the mission. 

**23.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Oh all right. I just wanted to ask why your Dad wants to accompany us on this mission? Not that I mind, of course. Jacob is always welcome here. I'm just curious. 

**23.14 :**** Sam Carter**

It has something to do with the writing that we found there. Dad said that Selmac recognized it as an ancient secret code of the Tok'ra. They no longer use it. At present, only a few are still able to read it. 

**23.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Tok'ra version of Morse?

**23.14 :**** Sam Carter**

I guess you could put it that way. He just wants to know more about the Tok'ra that are responsible for the code there by asking questions about the history of the planet. 

**23.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Can't he ask Daniel to do that for him? And why did THAT snakehead come with him? What's her part in this?

**23.14 :**** Sam Carter**

Daniel can't read the code, Sir. Only Selmac can. And Anise is here because Dad thinks that the code mentions something about a machine of some sort. She's here in case we find it. 

**23.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Well, we have you for that, don't we? 

**23.14 :**** Sam Carter**

Would you drop the questions if I told you that she's here because she wants to have another go at you? 

**23.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Carter! Watch that mouth of yours. 

**23.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Watching it, Sir. 

**23.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

All I'm asking for is some respect from you. Is that too much to ask? 

**23.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Now, THAT is what I call a rhetorical question. 

**23.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I'm really gonna miss this when this week ends. 

**23.15 :**** Sam Carter**

Me too. 

**23.15 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Ok, you go back to your packing. Make sure that you get everything that you need. 

**23.15 :**** Sam Carter**

I will. 

**23.16 :**** Jack O'Neill**

See you in the Gateroom. 

**23.16 :**** Sam Carter**

See you there. 

***

Note: Now, don't give me that look. You must have known that the end is coming, sooner or later ;). Anyway, there'll be at least two more stories before this series is completely wrapped. The next one will be 'His Dirty Job and Her Scapegoat'. Any review, feedback and blooper are very much appreciated. 

**15.07 :**** Jack O'Neill**

And what's in it for me if I do this little favor for you? 

**15.07 :**** Sam Carter**

I'll tell you where my mole is. 

**15.07 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Consider it's done. 


	16. His Dirty Job and Her Scapegoat

**His Dirty Job and Her Scapegoat**

**By Blue Topaz**

**blue-topaz@lycos.com**

**Note: **I'm overwhelmed by all the reactions that I received since I announced that the series will end. It took me by surprise that people do care about this series that much.  Thank you for all the encouragement, I'll try to make the end as painless as possible. And that's a promise ;). 

Thanks to Sandra who beta-read this part and the part before in such a short notice. 

To gategurl: thanks so much for the blooper, that's the first one I received since I posted story 11.

*****__**

**_Thursday, 24 July 2003_****__**

**03.12 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, are you there?

**03.14 : Sam Carter**

I'm with my Dad at the moment. I'll get back to you later. 

**03.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Copy that. Get back to me as soon as you ditch your Dad. 

**03.14 : Sam Carter**

Hey!

***

**03.58 : Sam Carter**

Dad is talking to Prefect Tren right now. What's up?

**03.59 : Jack O'Neill**

Can you meet me at the entrance of the town hall? You don't have anything else to do, do you?

**03.59 : Sam Carter**

Sure. 

Oh yeah, why aren't you using your radio? It's easier that way. And may I ask what you want me there for? 

**03.59 : Jack O'Neill**

And let the whole SGC contingent know what we're up to? That will defeat the purpose of our mission. And as for what, I'll let you know once you're here. 

**03.59 : Sam Carter**

This is a mission? I'll be there in half an hour. Just let me tell Dad that I'm going first. 

**04.00 : Jack O'Neill**

Copy that.

***

**04.47 : Sam Carter**

How did you get all this stuff? And dare I ask how did you smuggle it here?

**04.47 : Jack O'Neill**

'Smuggle' is such a strong word to use. I might not have permission to bring it over here, but there are no regulations that prohibit us to do just that. 

**04.47 : Sam Carter**

Whatever. 

**04.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you in place yet? 

**04.48 : Sam Carter**

Yes. I can see them from up here. By the way, why don't you do this by yourself? Why do you want me to do this? 

**04.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Because I need to be present down here, setting up an alibi, in case Griff notices something is off. Don't you know that he has some kind of sixth sense when someone is watching him? This way, he won't suspect me. And for all he knows, you're with your Dad. 

**04.48 : Sam Carter**

In other words, you want me to do your dirty work. 

**04.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Would it make you feel better if I don't deny that? 

**04.48 : Sam Carter**

I guess not. 

**04.48 : Jack O'Neill**

So, what do you see? 

**04.48 : Sam Carter**

Griff and Prefect Dhita are walking side by side in the garden. 

**04.48 : Jack O'Neill**

I know that. Have you got the reception from the bug that I planted in his hat? Hear anything interesting? 

**04.49 : Sam Carter**

No, I'm still setting up the equipment. Give me ten minutes. It should be ready by then. 

PS: Why are we're doing this again? I feel like I'm intruding on his privacy. And he really has to start not trusting you as much as he does right now. How did you plant that bug in his hat anyway? 

**04.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Serves him right. He lost all his privacy from the moment he agreed to join your class. Unlike the others, he had the balls to put it into practice. And we BOTH know that, so crush your guilt and do your job. 

As for the bug, it's for me to know and for you to find out. 

**04.49 : Sam Carter**

I'm only doing this to humor you. 

And for your own safety (or sanity, your pick), I hope you'll never do to me what you're doing to him. 

**04.49 : Jack O'Neill**

That OK. I'm not picky, really. 

And don't worry about my safety, Carter. I have other methods to get my way with you. And they are more fun too. 

**04.49 : Sam Carter**

Don't tell me. I don't want to be overly paranoid every time you're around me. 

**04.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Your wish is my command. 

***

**04.56 : Sam Carter**

I've got the audio. 

**04.56 : Jack O'Neill**

OK. Do you hear anything interesting? 

**04.56 : Sam Carter**

Like what?

**04.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter ... 

**04.57 : Sam Carter**

Not yet, Sir. They're just talking about the weather and stuff. Oh, and they're also talking about the differences between our world and hers. 

**04.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Boring. 

Man, he needs some lesson in pick-up lines. 

**04.57 : Sam Carter**

He doesn't need any, Sir. Women often find some pick-up lines to be corny. And as proof, I can tell you that they seem to be having a great time. Lots of smiles and blushes. 

**04.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Blushes? Who's blushing? 

**04.57 : Sam Carter**

Both.

**04.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Griff blushes? I don't have to tell you to get a picture of that, do I? 

**04.57 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I may be reluctant to do this, but I'm not stupid. I've got 4 or 5 shots already. 

**04.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Good girl. Keep me posted.

**04.57 : Sam Carter**

Will do. 

***

**05.31 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I need to go back to my Dad now. Nothing too big happening down there. He is just being invited to a dinner at her house tonight. 

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

A date? And you said that nothing big was happening? 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Yes, it's nothing big. He likes her, and she definitely likes him. It's only natural for her to invite him to dinner. It's no big deal. 

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, don't you have a single romantic bone in your body? 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

I'm just being rational. Griff will be a perfect gentleman tonight. He won't break regulations. Thus, nothing interesting (that will send you to your gutter heaven) will happen. 

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

That's not the way to talk to your CO. 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Well, the thing is, my CO made me do his dirty work. So, I think it's only fair to talk to him that way. 

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Point taken. I still need the details for his date tonight, though. 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

After sunset. It's around 11.00 our time. 

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Sweet. I'll meet you in the city centre at 10.00. 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Why?

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

To spy on Griff, of course. 

**05.33 : Sam Carter**

Why can't we just leave him alone now, Sir? We've already confirmed his feelings. That alone should satisfy the rumor mill. The tape and the pictures that I took will confirm that. Our work here is done.

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

It's not done yet. I hate it when people don't do their jobs all the way through.

**05.33 : Sam Carter**

You're only looking for more ammunition against the Major in case he decides to put my teaching into practice. 

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

That too. 

**05.33 : Sam Carter**

Fine, fine. I'll see you at 10.00. 

***

**09.03 : Sam Carter **

Colonel, I have a problem.

**09.03 : Jack O'Neill**

A problem?

**09.04 : Sam Carter **

Yes, Dad has just finished talking to the locals. He wants to spend more time with me now. And to be honest, we haven't had much quality time lately. Can I bring him along?

**09.04 : Jack O'Neill**

No, you cannot bring your Dad along. What would he say if he knew what we were up to?

**09.04 : Sam Carter **

He'd say that we're out of our minds? Or maybe ask why you are corrupting his little girl? 

**09.04 : Jack O'Neill**

Fine, fine. You mingle with your Dad. I'll do this alone. 

**09.04 : Sam Carter **

Thank you, Sir. I really appreciate this. 

**09.04 : Jack O'Neill**

Anything for you, Carter. Anything for you. 

**09.04 : Sam Carter **

Great. Then keep me posted on what's going on with Griff and his new girlfriend, OK? 

**09.05 : Jack O'Neill**

I don't know whether to hate you or adore you. 

**09.05 : Sam Carter **

Funny, Dad often says the same thing. 

**09.05 : Jack O'Neill**

Jacob and I have so much in common. 

**09.05 : Sam Carter **

I'll tell him that, Sir. I bet he'd love to hear it. 

**09.05 : Jack O'Neill**

You do that. And also tell him to talk some common sense into his daughter's head. She needs it lately. 

**09.05 : Sam Carter **

Will do. I'll see you later in our accommodations, Sir. 

**09.05 : Jack O'Neill**

See you later, Carter. 

***

**12.13 : Sam Carter **

Dear Colonel O'Neill,

With this letter, I would like to inform you that my plan for this evening has proven to be a gigantic waste of time. My Dad, as usual, acted like a ... Dad. Can you help me out with my predicament? Any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated. 

Yours sincerely,

Major Carter.

PS: Please, pretty please. I'm desperate here. 

**12.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Wow, that bad? What did your Dad do this time? 

**12.14 : Sam Carter **

Well, he's making a big deal of (the lack of) my love life. He said that I'm at the right age to settle down and give him some grandchildren. Same old, same old. 

**12.14 : Jack O'Neill**

He said that straight on your face? Brave man. 

**12.14 : Sam Carter **

Well, he didn't say that exactly. He's smart and wise (with the help of Selmac) enough not to do that. But that's the gist of our conversation.

So, can you help me?

**12.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Sure. Where are you by the way?

**12.15 : Sam Carter **

Inside the women's toilet in one of the restaurants in the city. Can you radio me in five minutes, saying that you need me to do a perimeter check or something? This way, I can bail out on him without hurting his feelings. 

**12.15 : Jack O'Neill**

You have to stop using me as your scapegoat, you know. I won't be around forever. 

**12.15 : Sam Carter **

As long as you're still here ... 

**12.15 : Jack O'Neill**

OK then, in five minutes, I'll contact you. 

**12.15 : Sam Carter **

Thanks Sir. I owe you. 

**12.15 : Jack O'Neill**

You owe me a lot. 

**12.15 : Sam Carter **

I know. 

**12.15 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, does this mean that you'll join me spying on Griff's date? 

**12.15 : Sam Carter **

Sure, might as well do that. I don't have anything better to do. Where are you? 

**12.16 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm outside his girlfriend's house. Do you know where it is? 

**12.16 : Sam Carter **

I think so. She showed it to us earlier this morning. 

**12.16 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. I'll meet you there. 

And Carter, if you could, please be an angel and bring me some decent food to eat. 

**12.16 : Sam Carter **

Consider it done. 

***

**15.44 : Sam Carter **

Wow. For the record, that was the most fun I've had on a stakeout.

**15.45 : Jack O'Neill**

You got that right. 

**15.45 : Sam Carter **

Did you see Griff's face when he saw us?

**15.45 : Jack O'Neill**

That's because you can't keep a straight face. 

**15.45 : Sam Carter **

Hey, even though I had a serious expression on my face, I still think that his face would turn red. He was so embarrassed. Poor Griff. 

**15.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Poor Griff? He got the girl, Carter. You need to redefine your description of 'poor' here. 

**15.46 : Sam Carter **

But he was stuttering. I've never seen him like that. 

**15.46 : Jack O'Neill**

That's because we caught him red-handed leaving his girlfriend's house late at night. And because we asked for an explanation. 

**15.46 : Sam Carter **

Don't forget the way you recited some of the things that he told her earlier. He SO knows that we put a wire on him. 

**15.46 : Jack O'Neill**

That too. 

**15.46 : Sam Carter **

Anyway, I just wanted to say goodnight, Sir. Thanks for all the fun. 

**15.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Anytime. I'll see you tomorrow. 

**15.46 : Sam Carter **

See you then. 

***

**22.21 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you awake yet? 

**22.21 : Sam Carter **

Kind of. No matter how many missions I've been on, I'll never get used to the time difference. I can't switch my body on and off like that.

**22.21 : Jack O'Neill**

You'll learn how. Someday. 

Anyway, can you meet me outside?

**22.21 : Sam Carter **

Why? Is there something wrong? 

**22.22 : Jack O'Neill**

I noticed that Griff has gone missing from his bed. I bet you my right arm that he went to see his girlfriend. Do you want to find out what he's been up to?

**22.22 : Sam Carter **

Sure, why not? Give me five minutes to get ready. 

**22.22 : Jack O'Neill**

You got it. 

***

**_Friday, 25 July 2003_**

**01.01 : Jack O'Neill**

That lucky bastard. 

**01.01 : Sam Carter **

I kinda agree with you. 

**01.01 : Jack O'Neill**

What do you mean you 'kinda' agree? 

**01.02 : Sam Carter **

He's lucky, yes. But he's not a bastard. Far from it, in fact. 

**01.02 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you have a crush on him or something? You seem to defend him a lot. 

**01.02 : Sam Carter **

He's a nice guy. 

**01.02 : Jack O'Neill**

You're only saying that because he's a foolish guy who pays you $20 for an hour of nonsense and you want to keep him that way. 

**01.02 : Sam Carter **

Actually, I think of him as a very smart guy for doing the thing that you just described. 

**01.02 : Jack O'Neill**

Of course you do. Anyway, we got the picture that we needed, right? 

**01.02 : Sam Carter **

Yes, Sir. 

**01.02 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. Blow it up to poster size as soon as we get back and plastered it in the commissary, locker room (I'll do the men, you do the women), gym, rec. room, elevator, and any public place that you can think of. And don't forget to add the text 'The Winner of the Longest Distance Relationship' underneath it. And just to tick him off, put the exact distance between here and her planet. 

**01.03 : Sam Carter **

Boy, you're really pushing your luck, aren't you?

**01.03 : Jack O'Neill**

He's a Major, I'm a Colonel. He won't dare to do anything to me. 

**01.03 : Sam Carter **

Well, I'm a Major, and you're a Colonel. And look at the things that I do to you. 

**01.03 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you really think that it was a wise move to mention that to me?

**01.03 : Sam Carter **

No, I guess not. But I did anyway. 

**01.03 : Jack O'Neill**

Evil. 

**01.03 : Sam Carter **

That's me. 

**01.03 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll see you around, Carter. 

**01.03 : Sam Carter **

See you, Sir. 

***

**16.45 : Sam Carter **

Sir, Janet is looking for you. She said that you haven't had your post-mission examination yet. 

**16.46 : Jack O'Neill**

I know. I'll be there in a few minutes.

**16.46 : Sam Carter **

What are you doing? 

**16.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Nothing. 

**16.46 : Sam Carter **

Colonel ... 

**16.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Nothing, really. Just having a little chat with your Dad before he takes off, that's all. 

**16.46 : Sam Carter **

What are the two of you talking about? 

**16.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Man's stuff. Nothing that will interest a nice girl like you. 

**16.47 : Sam Carter **

Do we really have to go through this again? I'm quite sure that we both know you only said that to avoid answering my question. 

**16.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Ah. That's good then. That means you won't push for the answer. 

**16.47 : Sam Carter **

No. I'm not that dense. I'll just have to find something to blackmail you with. 

**16.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Oy. 

**16.47 : Sam Carter **

Anyway, Janet's looking for you. I've already done mine and I'm going to process Griff's picture like you asked me to. 

**16.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. Don't forget we have a debriefing at 17.30. 

**16.47 : Sam Carter **

I'll see you there. 

***

**19.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, I heard that Jacob is staying for the party on Sunday. Is that true? 

**19.50 : Sam Carter **

Afraid not, Sir. He had to go back to Tok'ra headquarters as soon as possible to report his findings. He'll gate back in half an hour. Do you want to see him off? And you'll be happy to know that Anise/Freya is going with him. 

**19.51 : Jack O'Neill**

Really? Then I'm definitely going to see them off. 

**19.51 : Sam Carter **

I think they'd like that. 

**19.51 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, are you going home tonight?

**19.51 : Sam Carter **

Yes, as soon as my Dad is gone, I'm going home. I'm going to bed early. Why?

**19.51 : Jack O'Neill**

For tomorrow, do you want me to pick you up or do you want to meet at the supermarket straight away?

**19.51 : Sam Carter **

I'll meet you at the supermarket, Sir. That way we'll have two cars to carry all the food and drinks. 

**19.51 : Jack O'Neill**

OK. And you still remember that you owe me a home-cooked meal, right? 

**19.52 : Sam Carter **

I wouldn't forget it for the world. Don't worry, Colonel, it'll be edible. 

**19.52 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. I'm just making sure that you're not going to chicken out on me. 

**19.52 : Sam Carter **

Not a chance in Hell. I said I'd cook for you. That means I'll cook for you. Any special requirement?

**19.52 : Jack O'Neill**

Just make sure that you didn't poison my food, OK? 

**19.52 : Sam Carter **

No poison, got it. 

**19.52 : Jack O'Neill**

See you in Gateroom then. 

**19.52 : Sam Carter **

Bye. 

***

**21.34 : Sam Carter **

Colonel, I forget to ask what time you want to meet tomorrow. 

**21.34 : Jack O'Neill**

11.00. Not too early, not too late either. What do you think?

**21.34 : Sam Carter **

11.00 is perfect. Have you written down the shopping list yet?

**21.35 : Jack O'Neill**

What do you think I am? A housewife? 

I don't need a shopping list. How hard can it be? We're just gonna buy some meat, salad, fruit, bread, beer, soda, fruit juice, and charcoal. 

**21.35 : Sam Carter **

You are such a man. I'll make one then. 

**21.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Suit yourself. 

**21.35 : Sam Carter **

All right, I'm off to bed now. See you tomorrow. 

**21.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Sweet dreams. 

**21.35 : Sam Carter **

You too. 

***

**AN:** One more story to go. I haven't finished the grand finale yet, thus it is untitled so far, and it may take a while before I posted it. As usual, any feedback, review, bloopers even nit-picking are welcome *g*.

**12.14 :**** Sam Carter **

Well, he's making a big deal of (the lack of) my love life. He said that I'm at the right age to settle down and give him some grandchildren. Same old, same old. 

**12.14 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Tell Jacob that I'm volunteering to be the father of those children. 


	17. His Major and Her Colonel

**His Major and Her Colonel**

**By Blue Topaz**

**blue-topaz@lycos.com**

**AN: **So, this is the finale of the series. Thanks to everyone who reviews the previous stories and try their hand on the bloopers. Thanks also to Aud who beta-read this last part.

To Dimac99: Argh, another typo. I guess I can't escape that, can I? Thanks for letting me know. 

Enjoy the story. ****

*******

**_Saturday, 26 July 2003_**

**10.55 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm stuck in the traffic; I think there's been some kind of accident. So, I might be a little bit late for our shopping trip. 

**10.56 : Sam Carter**

Do you want me to start without you? I've already arrived. Because I don't mind. 

**10.56 : Jack O'Neill**

The traffic is moving slowly - I think I can make it in ten or fifteen minutes. Wait for me. Besides, didn't you say something about making a shopping list yesterday? I want to see it first. 

**10.56 : Sam Carter**

You're typing while you drive? That's dangerous, Sir. Not to mention breaking the law. 

**10.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't worry, I'm able to multitask when situation calls for it. And as far as I know, the law doesn't want us to drive while using a cell phone, there's nothing about typing on a Palm. 

**10.57 : Sam Carter**

It's still dangerous. Why don't you use your cell instead? You keep a hands-free set in your glove compartment, right? 

**10.57 : Jack O'Neill**

If you want me to stop doing this, all you have to do is stop replying to my entries, you know. 

**10.57 : Sam Carter**

Fine. Consider this as the last one. Please make an effort to arrive here in one piece, Sir. 

***

**12.05 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, what are you doing?

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

Why do you ask?

**12.06 : Jack O'Neill**

Because from here, it looks like you're flirting with the butcher. 

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

Well, from here, it looks like I'm asking him for meat. 

I'm shopping, Sir, what do you expect me to be doing? 

**12.06 : Jack O'Neill**

He winked at you.

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

So? He winked at me. I bet he does it to every woman customer. Where are you anyway? 

**12.06 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't you mean to every PRETTY woman customer? I'm somewhere where I can see you, but you can't see me. 

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

Are you trying to imply something, Colonel?

**12.06 : Jack O'Neill**

Nothing. 

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

You're supposed to doing your bit of shopping, Sir.

**12.06 : Jack O'Neill**

I am. 

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

Then, what's with all the questions? 

**12.07 : Jack O'Neill**

I just spotted that, really. And I thought I ought to mention it to you. 

**12.07 : Sam Carter**

And? 

**12.07 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, I was half-expecting you to deck him. A bit disappointed that you didn't, to be honest. 

**12.07 : Sam Carter**

Me? Deck him? For what reason? For winking at me? That's absurd. 

**12.07 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, so you didn't see what he did next, then. That's OK, I was a bit afraid of that guy's safety anyway.

**12.07 : Sam Carter**

Huh? What did he do next?

**12.07 : Jack O'Neill**

I will not have blood on my hands. 

**12.07 : Sam Carter**

Then why are you mentioning the incident in the first place?

**12.08 : Jack O'Neill**

To annoy you.

**12.08 : Sam Carter**

That is SO not the answer that I was looking for. 

**12.08 : Jack O'Neill**

Since when do I care about that? 

**12.08 : Sam Carter**

If I didn't know better, I'd say that you are trying to pick a fight with me.

**12.08 : Jack O'Neill**

No comment. 

**12.08 : Sam Carter**

You had better go back and continue your shopping, Sir. 

**12.08 : Jack O'Neill**

If you say so.

**12.08 : Sam Carter**

You such a big kid.

**12.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Ah. Is that a compliment?

**12.09 : Sam Carter**

I won't answer that. 

***

**12.18 : Sam Carter**

Colonel, are you flirting with the shop assistant?

**12.20 : Jack O'Neill**

Me? Flirting? With some random woman? 

Of course, yes. 

**12.20 : Sam Carter**

You do realize that we're here to shop for the party tomorrow, right? Not to pick up a chick. 

**12.20 : Jack O'Neill**

Flirting is harmless fun, Major. It's not like I'm flaunting my charms. 

**12.20 : Sam Carter**

Excuse me?

**12.20 : Jack O'Neill**

Let's see.

O'Neill's fifth lesson in life: the O'Neill's charms can only be given to the woman/man of their dreams, not some bimbo/stud that they randomly encounter.

**12.20 : Sam Carter**

I'm slightly worried about the mental state of your whole family, Sir. Anyway, if you want to continue flirting, that's fine. Just remember that you have a job to do. 

**12.20 : Jack O'Neill**

You should have known better than that. Of course I'm not flirting with her. I'm just asking for her help to find some items, that's all. Who do you think I am? Daniel?

**12.20 : Sam Carter**

Are you sure that's all, Sir? 

**12.21 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, I'm shopping with you, right? I won't abandon you for anything. 

**12.21 : Sam Carter**

Glad to know that. 

**12.21 : Jack O'Neill**

Where are you anyway?

**12.21 : Sam Carter**

Someplace where I can see you, but you can't see me. 

**12.21 : Jack O'Neill**

Sneaky, I like that. Have you finished your bit of shopping yet?

**12.21 : Sam Carter**

Nearly, but I still have to get some food for tonight. 

**12.21 : Jack O'Neill**

Will fifteen minutes be enough?

**12.21 : Sam Carter**

I'll see you at the checkout in fifteen. 

***

**15.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, what time do you want me to come to your house?

**15.40 : Sam Carter**

Will 1900 hours be alright to you, Sir?

**15.40 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll be there. 

**15.40 : Sam Carter**

How's the grocery shopping going? I'm sorry that I couldn't help you organize them.

**15.40 : Jack O'Neill**

No problem - you have to cook my dinner anyway, right? Besides, it wasn't such a hard thing to do. 

PS: Remember, no poison. I'm allergic to that. 

**15.41 : Sam Carter**

I might put some Marmite on your food, not arsenic. So, you don't have to worry about your allergy.

**15.41 : Jack O'Neill**

If you do such a thing, you'll regret it. And that's a promise that I definitely will keep. 

**15.41 : Sam Carter**

Killjoy. 

**15.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Hypocrite. 

**15.41 : Sam Carter**

Incorrigible. 

**15.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Spoilsport. 

**15.41 : Sam Carter**

Bossy.

**15.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Devious.

**15.42 : Sam Carter**

Are we done with the name-calling?

**15.42 : Jack O'Neill**

I still have around a dozen adjectives that describe you perfectly, but those will do for now. 

**15.42 : Sam Carter**

Well, I have around two dozen for you. 

**15.42 : Jack O'Neill**

Great, we can share those during dinner then. 

**15.42 : Sam Carter**

See you there. Don't forget to bring the wine. 

**15.42 : Jack O'Neill**

I won't.

***

**22.24 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm beyond speechless. 

**22.24 : Sam Carter**

Ditto.

**22.24 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm crushed. 

**22.25 : Sam Carter**

Me too. 

**22.25 : Jack O'Neill**

Devastated, even.

**22.25 : Sam Carter**

Same here. 

**22.25 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm irked. This is becoming a habit now. 

**22.25 : Sam Carter**

Irked? Well, yeah, I feel that too. 

**22.25 : Jack O'Neill**

I want to strangle someone. 

**22.25 : Sam Carter**

I'm content with just WATCHING you doing that. 

**22.25 : Jack O'Neill**

Damn the Tok'ra.

**22.25 : Sam Carter**

Excuse me? 

**22.26 : Jack O'Neill**

Sorry, a slip. 

Damn THAT Tok'ra. Of course, her timing had to be just right. Didn't she just gate back yesterday? She's like a persistent pest who just won't go away no matter what you do. 

**22.26 : Sam Carter**

I don't want to talk about her. 

**22.26 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, we're going to bad-mouth her - are you sure that you don't want to be a part of it?

**22.26 : Sam Carter**

Positive. I'm not in the mood for doing anything right now. 

**22.26 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you alright? You haven't been yourself ever since the General called us in. Come to think of it, you're unusually quiet. 

**22.26 : Sam Carter**

That's because I'm sick of all this. It's like the universe is playing an endless practical joke on me. And there's not a goddamn thing that I can do to stop it. There's only so much that I can take. 

**22.27 : Jack O'Neill**

Where are you?

**22.27 : Sam Carter**

Sir?

**22.27 : Jack O'Neill**

Where are you?

**22.27 : Sam Carter**

My quarters. 

**22.27 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll be there shortly. 

**22.27 : Sam Carter**

Why?

**22.28 : Jack O'Neill**

You're upset. And I know exactly what to do to cheer you up. 

**22.28 : Sam Carter**

And that would be?

**22.28 : Jack O'Neill**

That's a secret. Just wait and see. 

***

**23.17 : Sam Carter**

I can't believe that we did that. You know what? I think I'm finally infected by your bad influence. I didn't even realize that my sanity immune system had failed to function properly. 

**23.18 : Jack O'Neill**

But that cheered you up, didn't it? 

**23.18 : Sam Carter**

It did. Thanks, Sir. I really appreciate it, I don't like being depressed for long. Do you think that it'll discourage her though?

**23.18 : Jack O'Neill**

Even if it doesn't, it was still worth it to see her face when we did our 'act'. It was a full-blown confession of our relationship. If that doesn't work, I don't know what else to do. 

**23.18 : Sam Carter**

Dare I ask, where did you get the script? It's cheesier that any cheesy romance novel that I've ever read. I can't believe that all those words came out my own mouth. And yours. 

PS: It's a good thing that we both have quite good memories, or else we would have had to actually read it from the script in front of her. 

**23.18 : Jack O'Neill**

You read cheesy romance novels? Will wonders never cease?

PS: Would it make a difference? I don't think she would have noticed it anyway. 

**23.18 : Sam Carter**

Why not? They're a good resource for some laughs; they are so amusing. 

**23.18 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you want to elaborate on that statement?

**23.19 : Sam Carter**

Sure. Some of them are so ridiculous that you couldn't help but laugh. Come on, can you imagine someone coming up to you and saying: "Man, you're so hot," and five pages later, you end up making hot, passionate love to him (or her, in your case) on the couch, near the couch, on the table, under the table, in the shower, in the bathtub, etc. That's so unreal. Not to mention tacky. 

**23.19 : Jack O'Neill**

This is like your other hobby, where you watch a sci-fi movie and then take it apart, isn't it? 

**23.19 : Sam Carter**

Yup. It's fun to spot other people's mistakes (or idiocy). 

**23.19 : Jack O'Neill**

Harsh critic. 

**23.19 : Sam Carter**

That's me. 

**23.19 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, have I said that I like your cooking?

**23.19 : Sam Carter**

Yes, you have. In fact, I've lost count how many times you've said it.

**23.19 : Jack O'Neill**

That's a hint that I want more, you know?

**23.20 : Sam Carter**

I know. Oh well, at least you managed to finish your plate before we were called in. This way, I know that I didn't waste my time preparing the meals. 

**23.20 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm still waiting for another invitation. 

**23.20 : Sam Carter**

Just like what my Grandma used to say, 'The way to a man's heart is through his stomach'. 

**23.20 : Jack O'Neill**

She is a wise woman. I couldn't agree more. 

**23.20 : Sam Carter**

Someone's at my door, Sir. I'll be right back. 

**23.20 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll be waiting. 

***

**23.39 : Sam Carter**

Wow. That was ... interesting. 

**23.40 : Jack O'Neill**

What's interesting?

**23.40 : Sam Carter**

Freya has just apologized to me. Or, I think it was an apology. 

**23.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Cut to the chase, what happened?

**23.40 : Sam Carter**

She said that she didn't realize that you were 'loyal' to me. She's promised not to pursue her interest in you again.

**23.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Is she saying what I think she is saying? Did you say anything back to her?

**23.40 : Sam Carter**

Yes, she is. 

And what would you want me to say? That she misunderstood? After all that we said right in front of her? Do you want me to explain that it was all nothing but a joke? If I did that, she'll be all over you again. And I'm quite sure that is NOT what you want. 

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

No. I definitely don't want that. But what if she goes to Hammond with it?

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

She's not that bad, Sir. She might be annoying, but she's not that kind of person. Maybe the fact that Anise didn't really like you helps too. And it's not like she didn't suspect that already. She was there during our Za'tarc testing. 

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

If she knows about it, then why does she keep on coming back here? 

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

Well, you really, really, really wouldn't like this. I think I ought to give you a warning first. 

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, man. 

I feel the urge to lie down even before you say what it is. 

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

You're probably better off not knowing.

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Isn't it a pity that I noticed your warning?

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

Well, to be perfectly honest, that is, if you WANT me to be honest, I would say 'yeah'.

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

Come on then, tell me what it is. 

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

Well, she said that the reason why she's a bit more forward than usual, is because she received a 'love letter' from you a few weeks ago. 

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

WHAT?! What love letter? I never sent her a love letter! 

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

I know that. She showed me the letter - it's here in my quarters, if you want to read it, by the way. 

Anyway, this is definitely not in your hand writing, it's too readable and poetic to be yours. I've explained to her that it couldn't have possibly been you who sent it. Someone is playing a practical joke on you, Sir. It was even signed with your name. 

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you have any idea who would have the NERVE to do that?

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

My list of suspects is quite long. 

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

Damn, mine too. If I get my hands on the twerp who did this, I'll make sure that they will regret the day that they were born. 

**23.43 : Sam Carter**

You have to find the twerp first, though. 

**23.43 : Jack O'Neill**

But how?

**23.43 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. Freya said that the letter was sent to the Tok'ra alongside other paperwork. It was addressed to her. I don't think we could catch the twerp that easily. They obviously know how to cover their tracks.

**23.43 : Jack O'Neill**

Just checking, it isn't you, is it?

**23.43 : Sam Carter**

Me? No way. There are many things that I could do to you, but that is not one of them. Besides, it's cruel to play with people's emotions like that, Tok'ra or human. 

**23.43 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. I just wanted to make that clear first. Do you have a plan on how to find out who the twerp is?

**23.43 : Sam Carter**

Not right now. And just for the record, it won't be one of my students either. I've emphasized time and time again that it is not right to do that. 

**23.43 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you might emphasize it all you like, but there's no guarantee that they wouldn't do it. 

**23.44 : Sam Carter**

True. 

**23.44 : Jack O'Neill**

One mystery solved, another one appears.

**23.44 : Sam Carter**

That's how life is. 

**23.44 : Jack O'Neill**

It is. Maybe it's a good thing that I don't know who the twerp is. Or else ...

**23.44 : Sam Carter**

Maybe it is. 

**23.44 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you going home soon?

**23.44 : Sam Carter**

Yes. In about half-an-hour or so. I'm going to see Janet first. 

**23.44 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you guys going to come to my house early tomorrow morning? 

**23.44 : Sam Carter**

Yes. Me, Janet, Daniel and Teal'c will be there at around 10.00. Is that alright with you, Sir?

**23.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Sure. 

**23.45 : Sam Carter**

I'll see you tomorrow then.

**23.45 : Jack O'Neill**

See you. 

***

**_Sunday, 27 July 2003_**

**08.43 : Jack O'Neill**

Good morning. 

**08.45 : Sam Carter**

Morning. 

**08.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Last day huh?

**08.45 : Sam Carter**

Last day. Yeah. 

**08.45 : Jack O'Neill**

It's ironic that the weather will be bright and warm today. 

**08.45 : Sam Carter**

Well, you would say that it was a 'cliché' if it were dark and stormy. And maybe 'does the world even know that I exist' if it was an ordinary day. There's no pleasing you.

**08.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, if we can keep this journal, that would please me. 

**08.46 : Sam Carter**

But we can't.

**08.46 : Jack O'Neill**

No, we can't. But I still can keep the Palm, right?

**08.46 : Sam Carter**

Yes, Colonel, you can. The General didn't mind us keeping it, just not the journal.

**08.46 : Jack O'Neill**

So, can you tell me how this will end?

**08.46 : Sam Carter**

I've programmed the transmitter and receivers that we use to send entries to deactivate automatically at precisely 00.00 tonight. 

**08.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, do you think we can do something to change Hammond's mind?

**08.46 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. 

**08.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Probably not. He can be as stubborn as a mule sometimes. 

**08.46 : Sam Carter**

He has his reasons. 

**08.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Yeah. 

**08.47 : Sam Carter**

I'm going to get ready to your place now, Sir. See you in an hour. 

**08.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Drive safely. 

**08.47 : Sam Carter**

Will do. 

***

**12.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Where are you hiding? 

**12.32 : Sam Carter**

What do you mean?

**12.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Felger has been looking all over for you. And I'm quite sure that there aren't many hiding places in my house. 

**12.32 : Sam Carter**

Who said that I'm hiding?

**12.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Locking yourself in my bathroom for the last fifteen minutes doesn't classify as hiding? Have you eaten anything yet?

**12.33 : Sam Carter**

How did you know that? And yes, I have had my lunch, thanks for asking. 

**12.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Several people have approached me to ask if I have a spare bathroom. It doesn't take a genius to figure out who's in it. 

**12.33 : Sam Carter**

What can I say? Your bathroom is very cozy.

**12.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Go to my room. 

**12.33 : Sam Carter**

Sir?

**12.33 : Jack O'Neill**

If you want to hide that badly, just go to my room. It's not locked, but I'm sure that people won't dare to come in uninvited. 

**12.34 : Sam Carter**

Your room? Are you sure?

**12.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Positive. Just don't go snooping in my drawers and cupboards. 

**12.34 : Sam Carter**

Ah. Is that where you keep your porn, Sir?

**12.34 : Jack O'Neill**

CARTER! 

Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something? Do you want the room or not?

**12.34 : Sam Carter**

Wow, I'm surprised that you're not denying it!

**12.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter ... be glad that I actually have some patience when dealing with you. And that smug grin on your face? Wipe it off!

**12.35 : Sam Carter**

Me? Smug?

**12.35 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh look, Felger's coming my way. No doubt that he'll be asking where you are. 

**12.35 : Sam Carter**

Alright, alright, I'm fleeing to your room now. 

**12.35 : Jack O'Neill**

I knew you'd see things my way. 

***

**17.08 : Sam Carter**

Where are you? And where are the others? Your house is empty.

**17.09 : Jack O'Neill**

You've woken up. That's good. I'm just at the store, I need to buy some bread and milk. Be back in a sec. 

**17.09 : Sam Carter**

What about the others?

**17.09 : Jack O'Neill**

The others have gone home.

**17.09 : Sam Carter**

You should've woken me up. I can help you clean your house. 

**17.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Nah, that's OK. SG-4 lost a bet, the honor goes to them. Besides, I think that you need the rest. And Carter, next time, you can use my bed. The floor is not exactly comfortable to sleep on. 

**17.09 : Sam Carter**

It's YOUR bed, Sir. I didn't feel right using it without your permission first. Besides, I think I dozed off while reading one of the books that I found in your room. 

And thanks for the blanket by the way. I'm assuming that it was YOU who put the blanket on me. 

**17.09 : Jack O'Neill**

I would've carried you to the bed, but you're such a light sleeper. 

Hey, have dinner in my place? I still have some left over from the BBQ. 

**17.10 : Sam Carter**

I'd love to. 

**17.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Great. I won't be long. Meanwhile, make yourself comfortable. The beers are in the fridge as usual, help yourself. 

**17.10 : Sam Carter**

Thanks. 

***

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter. 

***

**23.45 : Jack O'Neill**

Come on, humor me.

***

**23.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Please. Look at the time. We won't have this journal for long now. 

**23.47 : Sam Carter**

Fine. Fine. Although I don't know why do you feel the need to communicate with me using the Palm even though I'm sat just next to you. 

**23.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Why not? Besides, I'm a man of a few words. 

**23.48 : Sam Carter**

Tell me about it.

**23.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Is that an insult?

**23.48 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. Is it?

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Smart-ass. 

**23.48 : Sam Carter**

And you mean it in the nicest possible way, don't you?

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

Seeing that you threatening me with my own mug, I have to say 'yes, of course'.

**23.49 : Sam Carter**

I am not threatening you. I'm just holding your mug above your head. 

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

And you'll drop the contents on me, if I choose to contradict you? 

**23.49 : Sam Carter**

Yes, that too. 

**23.49 : Jack O'Neill**

You'll make a good Colonel someday. I know for sure that you won't be a Major forever.

**23.49 : Sam Carter**

Just a good Colonel?

And Sir, I'm sure that you won't be a Colonel forever too. 

**23.50 : Jack O'Neill**

What do you want to be then? A famous General? A brilliant scientist? The President of the United States? What about a perfect homemaker?

**23.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Ouch. Your elbow is quite sharp, no need to use it on me. 

**23.50 : Sam Carter**

Serves you right for making fun of me. 

**23.50 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm not making fun of you. I just happen to think that you can be all of them.

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

Do you want to receive my elbow again? 

**23.51 : Jack O'Neill**

What? Can't a guy be honest just for once?

**23.51 : Jack O'Neill**

Ouch. OK, OK, I'll shut up now. No need to be so violent. 

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

Good. Besides, I'm starting to enjoy the silence. 

**23.51 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you implying that you don't like my voice?

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

Only when you do that loud and grating part. Even Daniel and Teal'c hate it. 

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

And what is that supposed to mean?

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

I'll leave that to your own interpretation. 

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

See, if I make fun of you, you'll elbow me in the ribs. But when you make fun of me, I don't do anything to you. 

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

And your point is? 

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

You're not playing fair.

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

Oh sorry, I didn't realize that we are playing. 

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

You know, my coffee will look good on your white sweater. 

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

Shutting up now. 

**23.53 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. 

**23.53 : Sam Carter**

This is nice. 

**23.53 : Jack O'Neill**

What's nice? 

**23.53 : Sam Carter**

This. 

**23.53 : Jack O'Neill**

And 'this' is what?

**23.53 : Sam Carter**

Just sitting here, doing nothing. 

**23.53 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh. It is, isn't it?

Uhm, Carter, what are doing? 

**23.54 : Sam Carter**

Just resting my head. 

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

On my shoulder?

**23.54 : Sam Carter**

Why not? Your shoulder's height is perfect for me. Not too tall, and not to short. 

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

You're welcome. 

Are you staying? It's getting late now. I can prepare the guest room. 

**23.54 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. I don't think that's such a good idea. 

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, I not known for my good ideas, am I? 

Stay the night? 

**23.55 : Sam Carter**

Can you give me one good reason why?

**23.55 : Jack O'Neill**

Nothing's going to happen, Carter. Don't you trust me? Don't you trust us?

**23.55 : Sam Carter**

It's not a matter of trust. 

**23.55 : Jack O'Neill**

Then what? 

**23.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter?

**23.56 : Sam Carter**

I used to play it safe, and follow the rules all the time. But for the past three weeks, I've been taking chances. And I'm not sure that I can stop just like that. Not even when this journal ends. 

**23.56 : Jack O'Neill**

So, don't stop. 

**23.56 : Sam Carter**

It's going to make things much more complicated. 

**23.56 : Jack O'Neill**

How complicated can it get? 

**23.57 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. I don't want to know. 

**23.57 : Jack O'Neill**

I can't see what the future is. But I live my life as best as I can in the present. And as much as it hurts me to say, I want to be as close as possible with my friends, although they can be such a pain in the ass. But for the better or worse, they're my family now. 

And you're one of them.

I know things have changed a bit lately, but I don't see it as a bad thing. I see it as the next step forward in our relationship. 

**23.58 : Sam Carter**

Wow. That's one of the most profound things that I have ever heard you say. 

**23.58 : Jack O'Neill**

I have my moments. 

Look, it's almost midnight. 

**23.58 : Sam Carter**

Yeah, it's almost midnight. 

**23.58 : Jack O'Neill**

Having this journal was lots of fun, but you know what? Nothing can beat the real thing. 

**23.58 : Sam Carter**

I agree with you. 

**23.58 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm going miss it, though. A lot.

**23.59 : Sam Carter**

I feel the same way.

**23.59 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, let me say goodbye to you for the last time here. 

**23.59 : Sam Carter**

Goodbye to you, too. 

**_End of program_**

***

**AN:** I hope the end did not disappoint you. I know that it's not a closure, but that's how I see Sam/Jack relationship. As long as they still serving together in the military, they cannot be 'officially' together. So, that's all folks, that's the end of the series. I have mixed feeling about this, at one end I'm glad that I can finally wrapped it, but on the other end, I'm going miss it. It's been a blast and I have such a wonderful time. People had asked for a sequel and it's overwhelmed me. I never say 'never', but it will all depends on my muse and time, which I don't have now. So, don't hold your breath waiting for it. 

I have so much people to thank to. Those who write reviews through the fanfiction.net, those who send feedbacks straight to my inbox, those who keep 'encouraging' me to write more and quicker (you know who you are), those who share their bloopers with me, and of course my wonderful beta readers (Aud, JayBee-Bug, Sandra and Rosemary). I'm so sorry that I couldn't mention your name one by one. 

The collection of bloopers from story 11-15 (from me) will soon follow. Thank you for reading the series. 

**12.06 : Jack O'Neill**

Because from here, it looks like you're flirting with the butcher. 

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

Jealous, Sir?


	18. The last Bloopers

**Bloopers: His and Hers Series**

**Story 11-15**

By Blue Topaz

**NOTE:** This is the last collection of bloopers from the 'His and Hers' series from me, not a fic. This is unbeta-ed, thus any mistakes are mine. 

Enjoy the bloopers everybody ...

***

**His Minion and Her Colleague**

***

**02.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you think that we were cursed? We appear to bring trouble wherever we go. 

PS: Don't you know that I was just about to kiss you before the fire alarm went off? 

**02.39 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. We might do. 

PS: You did? 

Stupid restaurant.

***

**02.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you think that we were cursed? We appear to bring trouble wherever we go. 

PS: I can't believe we didn't get our fortune cookies. 

**02.39 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. We might do. 

PS: Don't tell me that you believe in those cookies. 

**02.39 : Jack O'Neill**

You're such a pessimist. 

PS: Don't mock the cookies! And that's an order.

***

**02.39 : Sam Carter**

Nothing. Night, Sir. Have a nice dream. 

**02.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Only if you're in it. 

***

**16.11 : Jack O'Neill**

But this is FELGER we're talking about. 

And please, don't tell me that you're on a first name basis with McKay as well. 

**16.11 : Sam Carter**

So? Jay is a brilliant scientist actually, if you ignore the fact that he is a little bit weird. Actually, he's too weird for his own good, but anyway ... 

And as for McKay: Over my rotten corpse.

***

**16.11 : Jack O'Neill**

You LIKE Felger? Are you mad?

**16.12 : Sam Carter**

Don't worry Colonel, I still like you better. 

**16.12 : Jack O'Neill**

You better be. 

***

**16.12 : Sam Carter**

I'll do anything to get what I want. Well, almost anything, anyway. So? Who is it?

PS: As prove, I let you know that the man's locker room had a peep hole. And guess who made it?

**16.12 : Jack O'Neill**

You turn into a double agent so easily these days, you know that?

PS: You pervert!

***

**16.56 : Sam Carter**

No, you ordered me not to leave my bed. Which I haven't. 

Anyway, Janet had just called me. Did you really put an SF in front of my door? She said that one of the nurses saw someone hovering around my quarters. 

**16.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Of course not. It's just me guarding your door.

*** 

**His Headache and Her Enterprise**

***

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, but you are a cool geek. And technically, you know how to use a P-90 too. Thus, I will never say it out loud. And you were having an affair because apparently, you and I have been 'experimenting' with each other ever since we came back from our first mission from Abydoss. Another reason why I won't say it outloud. You 're the only person who can strangle me in my sleep. 

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

How on Earth could they possibly find out about that? You didn't brag about it, did you? 

***

**11.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Are you sure you can handle a grown man crying, Carter? I bet that is what he'll do when you call the whole thing off. Imagine his eyes glistening with tears, and then the pathetic sobbing will start ... 

**11.33 : Sam Carter**

As long as it isn't you who cry, Sir, I think I can handle it. 

***

**14.38 : Jack O'Neill**

Because if Daniel is joining us, you'll stop being the annoying, calculating, manipulating and not to mention the witty person that you are, and transform back to being your usual self. 

**14.38 : Sam Carter**

Colonel, Sir. Do you have a death wish? I'll be more than happy to make it come true. 

***

**14.40 : Jack O'Neill**

I can't believe that I feel sorry for Felger. Getting dumped by email. How sad is that?

**14.40 : Sam Carter**

It wasn't sad. It was practical. 

***

**14.41 : Jack O'Neill**

There are things that I would not do. Even for you. 

**14.41 : Sam Carter**

Wanna bet?

***

**15.17 : Sam Carter**

I just let him know that there are other ways to get what he wants from you. He didn't have to do everything that you asked him to do. I said that he was welcome to join the '**Manipulating Colonel O'Neill 101**' class. It only costs $20 per hour, a very good price for the new skills that he will have acquired once he finishes the course. 

**15.18 : Jack O'Neill**

Only $20 an hour? I thought it would be much higher. 

***

**15.18 : Sam Carter**

Yes, and yes. Daniel and I co-organized this course. Sometimes Teal'c helps too. It's a fun class to be in, Sir. Trust me when I say that we have no problem with getting people to join. It's very popular. 

And it's such easy money to make, too. 

Translation: they don't like you much, Sir. 

***

**His General and Her Father**

***

**15.01 : Jack O'Neill**

Right. I don't want to spend these last moments depressed over something. Let's just take full advantage of it. 

**15.01 : Sam Carter**

Sir? 

**15.01 : Jack O'Neill**

Let's bring our Palms on our mission tomorrow so that we can arrange our midnight rendezvous using it. 

*******

**15.07 : Jack O'Neill**

And what's in it for me if I do this little favor for you? 

**15.07 : Sam Carter**

I'll tell you where my mole is. 

**15.07 : Jack O'Neill**

Consider it's done. 

***

**19.28 : Jack O'Neill**

I want the list of all the people who have taken this class. 

**19.28 : Sam Carter**

Sorry Sir, but I can't do that. The contract clearly said that I have to protect the anonymous status of my students. 

**19.28 : Jack O'Neill**

I don't give a damn about your contract. Give me the list or something might happen to your precious Bike.

**19.28 : Sam Carter**

Big bully. 

**19.28 : Jack O'Neill**

I had to be one if I want to survive the world that has you in it. 

***

**23.14 : Sam Carter**

Would you drop the questions if I told you that she's here because she wants to have another go at you? 

**23.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, I've got you to protect my virtue, right?

*******

**His Dirty Job and Her Scapegoat**

*******

**04.48 : Sam Carter**

In other words, you want me to do your dirty work. 

**04.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Is that so hard to believe? 

***

**04.49 : Jack O'Neill**

That OK. I'm not picky, really. 

And don't worry about my safety, Carter. I have other methods to get my way with you. And they are more fun too. 

**04.49 : Sam Carter**

Are those methods involving big hot tub, chocolate, wine, massage, flowers, candles, fruits and you?

**04.50 : Jack O'Neill**

I love it when you read my mind. 

***

**04.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Griff blushes? I don't have to tell you to get a picture of that, do I? 

**04.57 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I may be reluctant to do this, but I'm not stupid. I know a blackmail material when I see one. Courtesy of your bad influences over the last six or seven years. 

**04.57 : Jack O'Neill**

You can't even begin to imagine how proud I am of you right now. 

*******

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, don't you have a single romantic bone in your body? 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Do you?

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

I asked you first. 

***** **

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, don't you have a single romantic bone in your body? 

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

I'm just being rational. Griff will be a perfect gentleman tonight. He's not you. 

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey!

***

**09.04 : Jack O'Neill**

Anything for you, Carter. Anything for you. 

**09.04 : Sam Carter **

In that case, can I have you in your birthday suit for my birthday present this year? With a little blue bow around your neck? 

***

**12.13 : Sam Carter **

Dear Colonel O'Neill,

HELP.

Dad is talking about marriage and stuff. I need to get away from him. Now!

Yours sincerely,

Major Carter.

PS: Please, pretty please. I'm desperate here. 

*******

**12.14 : Sam Carter **

Well, he's making a big deal of (the lack of) my love life. He said that I'm at the right age to settle down and give him some grandchildren. Same old, same old. 

**12.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Tell Jacob that I'm volunteering to be the father of those children. 

*******

**01.03 : Jack O'Neill**

He's a Major, I'm a Colonel. He won't dare to do anything to me. 

**01.03 : Sam Carter **

Well, I'm a Major, and you're a Colonel. And look at the things that I do to you. 

**01.03 : Jack O'Neill**

You're a woman. I don't mind you doing things to me, in fact, I WANT you to do things to me. 

***

**19.52 : Sam Carter **

Not a chance in Hell. I said I'd cook for you. That means I'll cook for you. Any special requirement?

**19.52 : Jack O'Neill**

You as the desert would be lovely. 

*******

**His Major and Her Colonel**

*******

**12.06 : Jack O'Neill**

Because from here, it looks like you're flirting with the butcher. 

**12.06 : Sam Carter**

Jealous, Sir?

*******

**12.08 : Sam Carter**

You such a big kid.

**12.09 : Jack O'Neill**

But you love me anyway. 

***

**12.18 : Sam Carter**

Colonel, are you flirting with the shop assistant?

**12.20 : Jack O'Neill**

Me? Flirting? I don't flirt, Carter. I seduce. 

***

**22.27 : Jack O'Neill**

Where are you?

**22.27 : Sam Carter**

My quarters. 

**22.27 : Jack O'Neill**

I'll be there shortly. 

**22.27 : Sam Carter**

Why?

**22.28 : Jack O'Neill**

I haven't had my daily dose of you today. 

***

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

Well, you really, really, really wouldn't like this. I think I ought to give you a warning first. 

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, man. 

I feel the urge to lie down even before you say what it is. 

**23.41 : Sam Carter**

You're probably better off not knowing.

**23.41 : Jack O'Neill**

Isn't it a pity that I noticed your warning?

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

Well, to be perfectly honest, that is, if you WANT me to be honest, I would say 'yeah'.

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

Come on then, tell me what it is. 

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

Well, there's no easy way to say it, so I'm just going to say it. 

I'm pregnant. 

Oh, it's yours by the way. 

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

WHAT?! How? I mean, HOW?

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

Just kidding. 

I can't believe you fell for it. You should know better Sir, we can't make a baby if we don't ... you know.

***

**08.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, do you think we can do something to change Hammond's mind?

**08.46 : Sam Carter**

I don't know. 

**08.46 : Jack O'Neill**

We could always try sending a stripper down his house. He's a ladies man, you know. 

***

**23.48 : Jack O'Neill**

Why not? Besides, I'm a man of a few words. 

**23.48 : Sam Carter**

But for such man, you sure scream a lot. 

***

**NOTE:** Right, now I've shared my share of bloopers with you, I want to know if you guys have something like that as well. Make it as crazy as you can, make it as funny as you can, just do your best (or worse *g* ). Send it to my inbox: blue-topaz@lycos.com . And with your permission, I'll collect them all and share it with the others. 

Special thanks has to go to starry eye surprise aka *ses* that made a wallpaper for this series. It's called **'_Lesson in Life_'**, follow this link to see it:

http:// users.pandora.be/starry-eyed-surprise/eng/walls/lessonsinlife.jpg (remove the space between the 'http://' and the rest)

Hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do. 


	19. Bloopers by the readers

**Bloopers: His and Hers Series **

NOTE: This collection of bloopers is submitted by the readers of this series. Thank you to every single one of them, I really appreciate it whether you write one of a bunch of bloopers. I listed the bloopers by the name of the writer to make it easier for me to archive it. Rated R for the ... errr ... language and suggestion *wink*. 

AN: I'm so sorry about the formatting. I'm not completely sure what happened, but I can't make it behave itself. 

  
  
***

**By Alice S aka Carter (Movielover03 on Fanfiction.net)**

**17.46 :**** Sam Carter**

Can I buy my way out of this?

**17.46 :**** Jack O'Neill**

Interesting. What are you offering?

**17.47: Sam Carter**

My place, 19.00.

**17.48: Jack O'Neill**

That might change my mind.

***

**By Amy**

**14.23 :**** Sam Carter**

Sir, my lab is not a movie theatre. I demand you treat it with more respect. 

**14.23 :**** Jack O'Neill**

So, no making out in the back row then?

***

**By Biruk**

**14.22 :**** Jack O'Neill**

I knew that you would agree with me.

So, the place where we spend most of our time on the base, huh? I know yours is your lab. Where you do all those mind boggling experiments, invent all those impossible machines, test every alien object that comes from the Stargate, rewrite the law of physics, and don't forget that it was the place where you think up all those wacky ideas of yours. 

Can you guess mine?

**14.23 :**** Sam Carter**

You know, they say the first thing someone does after a war is indicative of their deepest desires. So what was the first thing you did after Kuwait?

**14.23 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh, I got myself some head.

**14.23 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter? Why'd you just scream like that? Hammond's looking.

**14.24 : Sam Carter**

You got SOME HEAD?

**14.24 : Jack O'Neill**

Yeah. You just can't get any good head in the Air Force.

**14.25 : Jack O'Neill**

Major? Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.

**14.26 : Sam Carter**

Sir? You're GAY? Oh WHY can't I ever get any?!

**14.27 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter?

**14.27 : Sam Carter**

What?

**14.27 : Jack O'Neill**

You don't drink beer, do you?

**14.28 : Sam Carter**

Beer?

**14.28 : Jack O'Neill**

Because the foam on top of the beer is called head, you know that?

**14.28 : Jack O'Neill**

From the way you're blushing, I don't think I want to know what head means to you.

*** 

**By Crazy Gal **

**---**

**His 2IC and Her CO**

**---**

**13.41 : Sam Carter**

Gee, Sir. You have to think about something nice about me? For AN hour? I'm touched. Really.

**13.41 : Jack O'Neill**

No, I just need an hour to edit out all the bits that no-one should know. Like the way your eyes sparkle... anyway. This is stupid!

**---**

**18.12 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't give away all my secrets, Carter.

Oh well, I did promise to say something nice about you. So, here it is.

My first impression on Carter was that she was a smart-ass. Well, she's smart and she knows it all too well. So, she uses it to her advantage. She's strong and very confident. Long story short, she's a brat.

Also, we can't forget that rear of hers. Uhum...

But there are things in the last 7 years that changed her. Cassie and Jolinar are two of the few major ones. She's still smart (thanks God for that), still confident, still strong and still uses it to her advantage (because that's what a smart girl does). However, she has opened herself up a little, loosened up a bit, and learned how to disobey a direct order (I was so damn proud of her; we did save the planet because of it, of course, that was the first time, the second time was a little more interesting...). She has learned to question my decisions (not always a bad thing), make fun of me in her annoyingly polite way (so that I couldn't bring her up on insubordination charges) and the most important thing is that she stayed true to herself. If someone (including me) does something that upsets her, she'll let them know. If someone does something right, she'll give them the credit that they deserved.  
She's a friend. A damn good one as well.

And it's a bonus that her sense of humour is as twisted as mine.

There, serious enough for you?

**---**

**18.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Nah, I don't need organizers, thanks anyway. But you could help me with something else.

**18.14 : Sam Carter**

What is it?

**18.15 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, you know how my knee's been giving me problems lately? It's acting up again. So I thought, go see Doc and get stuck full of needles, or beg Carter for another massage. I decided to beg.

By the way, Ferretti came to my office around 1500 hours. He told me something interesting. Something to do with a certain blonde Major and this 'waste of time' joined journal. Something you want to say to me, oh certain blonde Major?

Of course, the massage would get you out of any punishment.

**---**

**19.39 : Jack O'Neill**

Do you know how boring the accountant was? I was practically asleep while trying to listen to what he had to say.

And then, my mind started wandering, you know how it does that. It's not very good to be having those kind of thoughts when listening to an accountant. You know that right, Carter?

I mean, drooling just isn't respectable. And it's all your fault. If you hadn't sent the accountant, I could have thought in peace, and if I'd never met you, I'd have no need to think those thoughts in the first place.

**19.40 : Sam Carter**

You think about me? They better be good thoughts! If not, I'm going to have to come over there and... well, never mind about that.

Did we get the equipment?

**---**

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

Right.

I have a confession to make.....

...

I know you're in your house right now, Sir. So I figure if you want to kill me after reading this, at least I have one more night to live. Please let me know how many nights I have left.

But remember, once I'm gone, I'm gone, and you can't get me back. I'm not like Daniel, I can actually get killed.

Besides, if you let me live longer, I'll make it worth your while.

Yours,

Carter

PS: I lied about the name out the hat thing. Sorry. But you would have had my head on a platter if I had told you the truth earlier.

**23.55 : Jack O'Neill**

This is your lucky day, Carter.

I'm not home yet. Daniel borrowed my car to run some errands.

So ... you decided to have fun at my expense huh? And lied to me as well?

And actually admitting it?

Brave, Carter. Very brave. But foolish.

Run, Carter, run. If you still want to have nights to spend, I suggest you run.

Right over to my place quick smart. I'm on my way.

**23.56 : Sam Carter**

Aye, aye, Colonel. I'm running with fear right now. (And I'm bringing chocolate, you get the wine).

PS: I'm on the phone with Daniel right now. He's in Janet's office.

**23.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Darn it.

And tone the sarcasm down a bit Carter. Make sure you bring the good stuff.

Tell Daniel 'thank you' for being such a friend

**23.56 : Sam Carter**

Come on, Sir. This wasn't too bad, was it?

I mean, we could talk to each other like this, no one will know. (Right now, just to give you an example of how we can talk, I am removing your black leather jacket...)

And why can't I be sarcastic? I can't do it outside this journal.

**23.57 : Jack O'Neill**

The shrink will know.

Darn it woman. Don't play the guilt trip on me. Besides, you're always sarcastic in the mornings.

Okay then, you can stay as sarcastic as you like.

**---**

**23.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey!

What makes you think that I'll play along with this journal? There's nothing in it for me.

**23.57 : Sam Carter**

I bought some bubble bath the other day. Wood scented, so not too girly. I'll let you try it out with me.

**23.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Tempting, but no. I'm sure I can think some much less painful way to get you to offer that to me.

**23.58 : Sam Carter**

Fine.

Cheat codes for any 10 computer games. Your pick.

**23.58 : Jack O'Neill**

Interesting. And how come you never offered me this before?

**23.58 : Sam Carter**

Well, I have to have something to get out of this kind of situation.

And you rejected my bubblebath idea. (I hope you realise that you're bathing alone tonight!)

**23.58 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm wasting my time. Of course you have to have something like this.

And I will *not* bath alone. My rubber ducky will keep me company.

**23.59 : Sam Carter**

You're the one who taught me.

Ah, how could I forget the rubber ducky? You are just a big kid you know.

So, how many nights do I have left?

I have lots of ideas of how to spend them...

**23.59 : Jack O'Neill**

You're safe. For now.

Alright, I'm going to bed.

Night Carter, and drive safely.

And, for crying out loud, hurry up! The bed's getting cold.

**24.00 : Sam Carter**

Yes Colonel.

**24.00 : Jack O'Neill**

That's 'Jack' to you, not 'Colonel', or 'darling' or 'my hero' or something... I'm sure you can think of something.

Don't forget to watch your back tomorrow. You might be safe, but you're not that safe. (And I've always wanted to jump you on base).

**24.00 : Sam Carter**

Thanks for the warning. And thanks for agreeing to this.

See you soon. Real soon, I promise.

Get the wine out.

And 'darling', be nice, or I'll have to think up some other names, Pumpkin.

**---**

**His Archaeologist, Her CMO and Their Jaffa**

**---**

**05.30 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, where are you? And you better be in the SGC, Major.

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Yes, I'm in the SGC. Sorry, but I have work to do, and need to keep up my 'good-girl' image.

And contrary to popular belief, I do sleep at night, so don't worry, I didn't leave straight away.

**05.32 : Jack O'Neill**

Could've fooled me. Anyway, want something from the outside world for breakfast?

**05.32 : Sam Carter**

Blueberry muffin from your regular coffee shop would be great. Thanks for offering, Jack.

Oh, and if you could manage to get here around 07:00, the camera in my office will be turned off. Just letting you know, seeing as you did say you wanted to jump me...

**05.33 : Jack O'Neill**

Part of the service. See you in your office at 07.00.

**05.33 : Sam Carter**

See you there.

**---**

**05.34 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh well, I guess you're right. I'll see you on the base then. I'm going to take a shower now.

**05.35 : Sam Carter**

I'm going to take one as well. See you in my office, Sir.

**---**

**11.54 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm bored.

What are you doing now?

**11.55 : Sam Carter**

I'm performing an experiment to determine the decay rate of the new mineral that SG-7 found on P98 766.

Wanna help me?

**11.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Carter, I'm bored. Not suicidal.

**11.56 : Sam Carter**

Sir, it's only an experiment. Not a dangerous mission.

And I'm not going to bite. Neither will my equipment.

Well actually, I might, if you ask me to.

**11.56 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm on my way.

Hey, why does the question come out at 13.00? Why not earlier?

**11.56 : Sam Carter**

Because we've had our lunch by then. It's always a good thing to do this with your stomach full. So that no one gets cranky.

**11.57 : Jack O'Neill**

Oh well, I was hoping to do something else with a full stomach.

I'm approaching your lab. You ready?

**11.57 : Sam Carter**

Absolutely.

**---**

**13.46 : Sam Carter**

SIR! That's just mean. Janet is not that bad.

Did you just have your physical examination this morning?

**13.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, I did. Carter, put yourself in my position, give her a needle and lock us in a room for a day. I dare you to say that again after that.

I bet the Doc has some kind of personal vendetta against me. She's always nice to the others.

**13.47 : Sam Carter**

Okay, maybe you have a point there. Janet can be quite scary when she has her needle with her. And she doesn't have anything against you, Sir.

However, your lack of cooperation when you are in her care might affect her judgment of you. 

But no matter what, she's still my best friend.

Although, I might have to talk to her about locking you in rooms. Think I could get a doctor's degree?

**13.47: Jack O'Neill**

Carter, you get a doctor's degree, and I promise to be sick for the rest of my life. How's that sound?

I'd sign you off as medically proficient.

**---**

**16.46 : Sam Carter**

Are you sure about the puppy-dog eyes? It's more like doe-eyes to me.

And don't worry about anyone hearing this. Daniel could always read though. He's very good at that.

Also, I have it from good sources, (ie the nurses), that you also have puppy-dog eyes and that any woman who got you would be lucky.

So, what do you think Sir? Am I lucky?

**16.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't tell me that you are one of Daniel's admirers as well. I'm getting jealous here Carter, you're gonna havta make it up to me! *wink wink, nudge nudge*

And don't toy with me. I'm serious. It could damage my reputation.

Your turn. Go talk about the Napoleon power-monger.

**---**

**16.50 : Sam Carter**

You want to talk about Teal'c as well, Sir? Be my guest. I don't see anything wrong with that.

**16.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, it's only fair, isn't it?

Lets do this together? You and me.

**16.50 : Sam Carter**

How do you propose to do that?

**16.50 : Jack O'Neill**

Meet me in my office. We compare notes.

**16.51 : Sam Carter**

Now?

You sure you just want to 'compare notes' Colonel?

**16.51 : Jack O'Neill**

No, Carter. Next year.

Of course now, for crying out loud.

And no, I don't *just* want to 'compare notes', I'm an evil, conniving man with ulterior motives.

**16.51 : Sam Carter**

Give me ten minutes.

**16.51 : Jack O'Neill**

See you in my office. Don't forget to bring any pie if you happen to go by the mess hall.

Oh, and make it 5 minutes, 'cos my latest dream was real.. yeah.

You can edit this out, right?

**16.51 : Sam Carter**

Got it.

I'll be there soon, Sir. Keep thinking about that dream, 'coz I want you to share it with me.

And yes, I can edit this out.

**---**

**18.47 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I'm not Daniel. You don't have to remind me about being punctual.

In fact, I can be quite punctual, when I have enough incentive.

**18.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Sorry, force of habit. See you topside then.

Actually, tell them to meet us a bit later, and I'll give you some incentive.

**18.47 : Sam Carter**

OK. See you there. One more thing, Sir. This is supposed to be journal, not a telephone. We can't really use it to make an appointment.

**18.47 : Jack O'Neill**

Don't care. Besides, this is the first time you've complained. What if I make an 'appointment' now for tomorrow night, just you, me and some of your favourite chocolate?

**---**

**23.51 : Jack O'Neill**

This 'writing in the journal' thing. I don't feel forced anymore. And as much as I hate to admit it, it's fun. I can say things here and get away with it.

Like this, 'hey sexy, what you doing tonight?'

**23.51 : Sam Carter**

I'm glad that you enjoy it.

And I'm coming over to your place, what do you think I'm doing?

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

Sweet.

Hey, what about when we have a mission? What happens to the journal?

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

Well, I was thinking about postponing the questions when we're off-world. It could endanger our mission, not to mention wasting valuable time.

**23.52 : Jack O'Neill**

OK then. I'm glad you are already thinking it through.

But, I like talking to you like this.

One more thing. I know that I'm your friend, but am I one of your best friends?

**23.52 : Sam Carter**

I like talking to you like this too, Jack.

And yes, Sir. Of course you are.

**23.54 : Jack O'Neill**

Then you don't mind me asking you out for dinner as a friend, do you? Just the two of us. This Thursday.

**23.57 : Sam Carter**

I'm not sure that it would be such a good idea, Sir. People talk.

**23.58 : Jack O'Neill**

So? Let them talk. It's not something new.

**24.00 : Sam Carter**

Alright then. Let them talk.

But on one condition. We have dinner as friends, and then head back to your place, for something a little more 'friendly'. Deal?

But I can't do Thursday. Cassie is coming to my house for a sleepover. What about Friday?

**24.00 : Jack O'Neill**

Friday is fine.

And it's a deal sexy.

Look at the time. It's midnight already. I'm off to bed. Are you finished in the lounge room yet?

**24.00 : Sam Carter**

I'm almost done, Jack, just give me a sec. Next time I speak to you, it'll be in person.

**24.00: Jack O'Neill**

I look forward to it.

***

**By Dana**

**04.49 : Jack O'Neill**

That OK. I'm not picky, really. 

And don't worry about my safety, Carter. I have other methods to get my way with you. And they are more fun too. I'll show you tonight.

**04.49 : Sam Carter**

Already looking forward to it.

**---**

**14.00 : Sam Carter**

Well, it's either that, or your yo-yo. 

You need something to occupy your mind as well as your hands, and I presume the GameBoy is much more entertaining than a yo-yo.

**14.01 : Jack O'Neill**

Well, if I can chose between you and my GameBoy, it would be you. 

You can occupy my mind as well as my hands.

**---**

**19.14 : Sam Carter**

No. You should really try his massage. He's got talented fingers, I can tell you that.

**19.14 : Jack O'Neill**

Just wait 'til we get home. I'll show you how talented *my* fingers are.

**19.14 : Sam Carter**

Looking forward to that, sir.

**---**

**23.42 : Jack O'Neill**

You are so lucky that I actually like you.

**23.42 : Sam Carter**

Like me? That's not what you said last night.

***

**By Dietcokechic**

**14.26 : Jack O'Neill**

We could always use the old-fashioned way. Lock them inside a closet for 24 hours.

**14.26 : Sam Carter**

I don't think General Hammond would approve, Sir. 

**14.27: Jack O'Neill**

What if we volunteered to go first?

**---**

**20.09 : Jack O'Neill**

Someday, Major, someday, I'll make you speechless. Just watch it. 

**20.09 : Sam Carter**

Care to try this Saturday night? I'm free after 6.

**---**

**15.19 : Jack O'Neill**

Jeez, my side is still hurting from laughing. It's a good thing that your lab is soundproof. 

**15.19 : Sam Carter**

You should know, it was your idea on the soundproofing in the first place. Face it Sir, you're a screamer.

***

**By gategurl**

**11:34 Sam Carter**

You make it sound as if I'm a cold-hearted woman.

**11:34 Jack O'Neill**

Nah. A sexy woman is more like it.

**11:34 Sam Carter**

What's wrong with sexy? Sexy is good.

**11:35 Jack O'Neill**

Yes it is. As long as I'm the victim then I enjoy your sexiness immensely.

**11:35 Sam Carter**

I'm glad that you like it. It's nice to know that you at least appreciate my work in that department.

***

**By Hejira Hayes**

**11.08 : Sam Carter**

Sir, what's all the fuss about? I came in here and to be honest, I haven't seen the SGC in such a good mood in ... well, a long time. People are smiling, for no good reason, and it's started to scare me a little bit. 

**11.09 : Jack O'Neill **

Oh, nothing important really. Daniel opened up the shower and took a picture of me, stark naked.

**11.09 : Sam Carter **

That explains all the 'lucky girl' comments I've been getting.

**---**

**11.10 : Jack O'Neill**

Hey, don't forget about the lake and the cabin. It's not all about the fish!

**11.10 : Sam Carter**

Little blue pills? 

**11.10 : Jack O'Neill **

You know damn well I don't need them.

**---**

**17.43 : Jack O'Neill **

Damn him. 

And you better not go following his example, Carter. You know how Teal'c is when he was around those Jaffa. Honestly, you would've thought that they were some sort of long lost brothers or something. I'll need good company to pass the time with. I don't care how important the experiments in your lab are; I want you there, with me, in nothing but a skimpy bikini ready for a fight in a pit of blue Jell-o. 

**17.43 : Sam Carter **

You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted. 

**---**

**17.46 : Sam Carter **

Can I buy my way out of this?

**17.46 : Jack O'Neill **

Interesting. What are you offering?

**17.46 : Sam Carter **

Sex. 

Meaningless, hot, steamy, chocolate body paint, by-the-fireplace sex.

**17.46 : Jack O'Neill**

Does it have to be meaningless?

**17.46 : Sam Carter**

If you don't want meaningless, I could discuss the finer points of wormhole theory.

Not the Stargate, sir.

**---**

**18.30 : Sam Carter**

Did you manage to find Daniel, Sir? 

**18.30 : Jack O'Neill**

No, why? 

**18.31 : Sam Carter**

There's this sticky red stuff under my shoe.

**18.31 : Jack O'Neill**

Why would you think you stepped on Daniel?

**18.31 : Sam Carter**

You're right, it's silly.

I mean, just because SG-6 were complaining that they were shrinking, it's no reason to believe that Daniel'd be dumb enough to be squashed.

**18.31 : Sam Carter**

Oh no! Get over here, QUICK!

I can see a tiny set of glasses!

***

**By Isa**

**05.39 : Sam Carter**

Alright. I'm not going to ask why you're in such a good mood then. 

**05.39 : Jack O'Neill**

You do that. See you in the briefing, Major.

**05.39 : Sam Carter**

OK, now I need to know. Why?

**05.39 : Jack O'Neill**

You asked for it!

I dreamt about you.

**05.40 : Sam Carter**

WHAT?

**05.40 : Jack O'Neill**

Remember 'the locker room incident'? That was pretty much the idea of the dream.

**05.40 : Sam Carter**

I knew I would regret it!

***

**By Me222**

**21.35 : Sam Carter **

All right, I'm off to your bed now. See you tonight.

**21.35 : Sam Carter **

You are such a man. That's why I do it. 

**21.35 : Jack O'Neill**

And I thought it was because of my charm.

***

**By Megan Klaus**

**17.45 : Sam Carter**

Sir, I swear by my bike, it wasn't me who put the pink dyer into your shampoo. 

***

**By RandomPro-cras-TOE-nator**

**His Minion and Her Colleague**

**16.56 : Sam Carter **

No, you ordered me not to leave my bed. Which I haven't. 

**16.56 : Jack O'Neill**

Good. 

[Did you chain yourself to your bed like I ordered?]

**16.56 : Sam Carter**

Yes, Sir. 

[Did you know that it's hard to write when you're chained to a bed?]

**---**

**His Intergalactic Stalker and Her Assistant**

**21.55 : Sam Carter **

I think Freya stalks you somehow, Sir. 

**21:55 : Jack O'Neill**

Yes, she hid a camera right outside my bedroom window, too.

***

**By shiplover**

**09.04 : Jack O'Neill**

Anything for you, Carter. Anything for you. 

**09.04 : Sam Carter **

Anything?

***

**By vEnUs-tHe-GoDdEsS**

**21.56 : Sam Carter**

Sir, if you don't want to be alone with her, than I don't want that, either. If she wants to talk to me about something, I want you to be there for me. Who knows what kind of question she will ask if you aren't there. The last thing I want is for her to ask what the best way to warm your bed is.

**21.56 : Jack O'Neill**

CARTER! Only you know that!

***

**By Vicky (aka *ses*)**

**14.25 : Jack O'Neill**

You wanna marry me?

**14.25 : Sam Carter**

Yasureyoubetcha!

**---**

**23.44 : Jack O'Neill**

I'm really starting to like the 'new' you.

**23.44 : Sam Carter**

I wonder how long it'll take before you regret saying that.

***

Don't you just love these guys *bg*. Once again, thanks for everyone who try their hand on the bloopers. 


End file.
